Why does It bother me so much that my boyfriend smokes pot??

Question

I knew that he smoked pot before we started dating. We've only been dating for about 2 1/2 months(wow, it seems alot longer!) He lives right down my road, and its not like he even rubs it in my face, or does it around me. I dont smoke, never have, and dont have any interest in it. I just dont understand why it bothers me so much when I know he does it, it didnt bother me so much when we first started hanging out. We are both 20 years old, and when he was like 18 he said he used to do alot worse, so i guess he's cleaned up?? It doesnt bother me when anyone else does it. I wish i could get over it and not let it bother me so bad! He said he wants to quit but sometimes i go over to his house and i can tell that he has smoked. Should I confront him about it? i wouldnt even know how to approach him, because he says hes not addicted, and he could stop whenever he wanted. I really like this guy, hes an amazing person who has a bright future and hes doing so good, has a great job. So why is it just this one thing that bothers me so much?

Answer 1

You obviously have control issues. The fact of the matter is it's really hard to change people (not impossible, but really hard) and most often when you do change them, they will resent you horribly for it. That being said, I've resolved to never to change a significant part of my life for anyone but myself and I have stuck to this resolution for 8 years now and plan to do so for the rest of my life. It might be selfish, but I feel it puts me in a position where I don't have to compromise the things that I enjoy or get made out to be the bad guy when I end up hating the person who forces their lifestyle on me.

Whether your boyfriend is addicted or not is questionable (marijuana addiction is a heavily debated issue and we will probably never get to the bottom of it) but one thing is certain - he is a pothead. It is an important part of his being (whether he admits it or not) and to put this habit under your jurisdiction would be compromising to his judgment and his feelings towards you. Sometimes quitting isn't as easy as wanting to quit, but it's something you need to let him do on his own terms, if he ever does it at all.

That being said, because you had full disclosure of his habits when you started going out, you can't really blame him for your feelings. You put yourself in this situation and the only course of action you have is to request that he consider the benefits of quitting (which, I'm sure he already knows your position) and after that leave it up to him. Anything further will only jeaopordize your relationship and make him resent you more.

Answer 2

It really shouldn't bother you. It isn't hazardous to his health, and if he doesn't do it around you, what's the problem? Lighten up.

If he wants to stop, he will. It isn't addictive.

Answer 3

once a pot smoker, always a pot smoker. if his smoking habits really bother you that much than theres no use for a good future with him, relationship wise. i mean if he wants to stop smoking thats something he has to decide and do on his own. you probably wont influence his decision that much sorry  

Answer 4

maybe bc you care about him and know its not doing him any good?

most people that say they can quit if they wanted to never really do to them nothing is a good reason to quit.

(I know someone like that)

You can't help people that can't help themselves

Answer 5

It would bother me because it's illegal. Granted I don't think its as harmful as some other things out there.. but if the police bust in while hes doin it & you're there...you're goin down, too.