Why does adoption have such a bad reputation these days

Question

Why do so many people on YA! give thumbs down to people's adoption stories or to people considering adoption through foster care? I plan to be a foster mom someday(and possibly adopt) and I don't see why people think there is a problem with people who open up their hearts and lives to children through adoption and foster care. I want to be a foster parent because I love children and have heard all the horror stories of foster care and want to provide a good, stable life for a needy child. It has nothing to do with the money as the money I get will probably not cover all the expenses and I understand that a lot of times the child has been in a background of abuse and may have emotional issues but I am willing to deal with that too. Can someone please explain to me why someone would say that adoption/foster care is wrong?

Answer 1

It's not so much the aftermath of adoption that bothers me, but what leads people to do it and how they justify doing it.

You might think I had the worst adoptive parents in the world after seeing some of my rants, but that's just not true.

Knowing that the only reason my adoptive family got me is because of a tragedy that happened with my first mother does not put me "at peace" - as others like to call it.

In cases such as abuse and neglect, I support adoption. Moms that are abusive or neglect their children and refuse to SEE that they are doing so to their own offspring should not be raising children at all. Not unless they are forced to get help, and even then chances are extremely slim that they will be proven as a "fit" parent.

But abuse and neglect don't cover all cases. If it's something like a financial issue - then why not try to support the mother and allow her to keep her child?

Obviously a 18-year-old teenager is not *recommended* to keep her child, BUT if she has the right amount of support to raise that baby - why cross out that possibility?

A lot of times on here I see either "go for adoption" or "abort the baby!" and it's just not that simple. Abortion causes all sorts of ethical/morality issues. But so does adopition.

The line "Child was abandoned by bio parents. Child ends up in orphanage. Child is adopted by loving parents, rainbows and bunnies abound. The end"... just isn't always necessarily true.

Were my adoptive parents loving and supportive to me? Absolutely. THEY ARE MY PARENTS. Just because I say one set of isn't DOES NOT mean the other set *isn't* real.

But that doesn't mean I feel the separation from my original mother is right.

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/

Answer 2

Fostering and providing a home to a child who truly needs one is sometimes necessary and does not have a "bad reputation."

It's the adoption of babies that can be problematic.  Babies are sought out by the adoption industry to "build" families for infertile couples (or even singles).  That means those people are using adoption to meet their own needs, which is a desire for a baby.  They are NOT adopting to meet the needs of a child that is in real need.

Answer 3

the bad rap comes from the children getting taken away too soon. yes some children need to be taken to be kept safe, but some are not fully investigated. foster homes have been known to be all about the money and less about the children. adoption is not wrong though, i wish it was cheaper to adopt.  

Answer 4

i say go for it, thats very nice of you.

but, i dont think anyone should be paid for it. very unethical to me. shouldnt be an incentive to anyone to help kids out. some people might look at it as free money. there have been lots of cases in the news of people taking in kids and locking them up to get the money.

i have an issue more with Americans being s****. and wanting to be "cool" like they think celebs are and adopting children from other countries when we have thousands of American children desperate for love and a home. Whats wrong with taking care of our own?

Answer 5

i think its a terrific idea to want to adopt another child that is not yours biologically.  to me it shows what a big heart   you have and what a wonderful person you are. please you have already considered a bigger than average thinking action and dont let negative people stop you.

Answer 6

Let me tell you something: right now my family and I just met our son through the cps (foster system) My hubby, daughter, and I are already in love with him and can't wait to bring him home!  The parents rights have been terminated and his foster mom has been caring for him for 3 years. In our story this woman is going to be the angel who took care of him, kept him safe, and nurtured him back from being abused. God bless your heart for wanting to be that person! And the purpose of the foster system is to reunify families! Not tear them apart! The biological parents have at least 18 months to get their lives together! When they don't CPS has to look after the child's best interest and place him/she in an adoptive home. Parents that r going to lover them forever and unconditionally!  

Answer 7

We live in a spoiled society and it appears that everyone feels they are entitled to  a nice life.  They cannot grasp that a "good" life is something you earn.  It is something attainable by anyone if they have the right attitude.    Unfortunately when adoptees feel pain many feel they can blame it on their past rather than focus on their present reality.

Answer 8

If you figure out where the hostility comes from, clue me in.  I asked a similar question and got similar answers, but still feel attacked on YA!.  

However, most people are okay with adoption from foster care.  I adopted a large sibling group from foster care and had to fight to keep them together.

Don't let anyone get you down.  Foster children desperately need a loving home!

Answer 9

I have been going through an adoption for my eldest son (previously my Godson) & turned to YA for some advice and support.

About 6 months ago, I received some helpful advice & fantastic support. Then a recent question had me in tears, and I refuse to post on this section any more.

Adoption & Fostering are beautiful things, but people do tend to take the bad experiences and rub them in your face, making you doubt every intention you have.

I grew up in Foster Care, and was also in State Care. I had 5 Foster Families who loved me, and cared for me like I was their own child. My last family and I are still so close, and I consider them my family.

Don't let people on here get you down. What your planning to do is a beautiful thing.

Answer 10

I personally think its best for a child to be with parents who will love it and take care of it....not necessarily the parents in many cases.

Adoption is great and I've give a big thumbs up to all who consider it and especially to those who do it.

Answer 11

It is unethical adoption agencies and social workers that give adoption a bad reputation. Social workers that feel it is perfectly ok to intimidate a young woman into relinquishing her child, that think nothing of lying about the father to bypass his rights. Those are the type that give adoption a bad name.

I know first hand the tactics that can be used by social workers to get that perfect newborn. I got pregnant when I was 17. My son's fathers parents wanted me to abort the baby. When I refused, the contacted an adoption agency. Told the agency that I was not stable enough to raise a child and the baby needed a loving home with two parents (blah blah blah...). I spoke with them and told them that I did not think I wanted to give up my child. They hounded me right up until the time THREE social workers showed up at the hospital wanting me to sign over my son. They told me that they would not have a problem finding the perfect home for him because he would be in high demand since he was a healthy blonde haired, blue eyed baby. (This was their exact words). I had just spent three days in labor, had a c-section, was extremely emotional and very drugged. Yet they actually put a pen in my hand to try to get me to sign away my son. I am so grateful to my Mom. She came in and almost literally threw them out of the room and spoke with hospital staff to make sure they were not allowed to return. If it weren't for her, I don't know what would have happend.

I am also an adoptive parent. We adopted my youngest son when he was 8 years old. He was our Foster Child before that. I am all for adopting from Foster care. These are the children that truely need a home.  

Answer 12

It's not the issue of giving a child a home that gets bad reviews. It's the multi billion dollar industry that adoption has become that I and others don't like.

It's what some people will do to make a child available, and it's done in the name of money.

What you intend to do is wonderful. What some other people are doing is unspeakable.

Answer 13

I have never see anyone on here who is against adoption from foster care. What most people are against is the unnecessary infant and international adoptions.

Answer 14

my life sucks ****

adopt me plzzzz

Answer 15

I don't know.  Adoption IS supposed to give homes to kids who need them.

Many (not all) who ask questions here are asking about finding a kid to meet their own needs and bemoaning the lack of availability of babes to meet their own personal specifications - perhaps it's those who are getting thumbs down.

(shrugs)

I wish you well with the fostering - thats what it should be all about; the kids.