Why does everyone STARE at my scar when i go out in public?

Question

I have a burn scar that covers the front of my upper arm, over the biceps. I have had it since I was 4 years old, and yet it still bothers me that when I talk to people they are not looking at ME, but at my scar!

People I just meet ask me what happened. If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me "what happened to your arm?" I would be a millionaire right now.

I feel too embarrassed to wear tank tops in summer because everyone stares at it and asks about it. I don't buy nice dresses I like because I am constantly shopping for longer sleeves. I feel very self-conscious.

I don't feel like answering people I don't know. I can't take this anymore. It's been 19 years of stares and questions. What do I do?

Answer 1

I have one to and I know what you mean, they do look , I often wonder what goes trough they minds when they do ,  some are up front and will ask and some just stare ,  people will always look  and you don't need to explain a  thing to them , don't let it bother you , buy what you like and who cares about the rest , enjoy life , I do , one thing for sure it cannot be jealousy on their part otherwise they would go and get one to! And you know what they say about curiousity ? "It killed the cat"

Answer 2

Hi, Venus.

I can relate.  In 2006, I had a very serious accident at home.  I fell down and cut myself on a glass table.  I had to be airlifted to the hospital and surgery was done.  I almost severed my windpipe.  I lost a lot of blood.  Now I have a very noticeable scar across my throat that runs down to my collarbone.  

I'm thankful to be alive but I'm self-conscious because people ask me about it.  Most of the questions are out of curiosity, but a few people have made offensive comments.  I walked by a booth in the mall months ago and these teenagers who worked there were trying to get me to slow down to check out their product.  I smiled politely and said, "No, thanks."   As I walked away I heard one of the guys say very loudly that I had a hickey on my neck.  My scar doesn't resemble a hickey in any way.   I was very upset but I continued on my way.   People are just dumb.

I can relate to the embarrassment and feeling ashamed to wear nice clothes.  If I wear anything that shows my throat or collarbone, I know people's eyes will be drawn to it.  What you can do is apply a special type of concealer to your scar at times when you want to wear certain styles.  This will help your scar appear to be more blended in with your skin.  When people ask you questions, you can simply say:  "I had a childhood accident" and leave it at that.  You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Answer 3

Have a boob job

Just kidding, lol.

It's one of those things. I have a scar too - it's small but i'm conscious of it. You can get make up for them you know?

People are always going to be curious about something that makes you unique. You should make up different stories for different people for a laugh.

Answer 4

A wise man once told me that

You cant change who you arem,and you cant change what people think or do.

Sadly the best advice is to ignore them. Its their problem not yours.

Answer 5

People are just ignorant.

Your scar is something "different" so people stare at it because it's unexpected.  

It's hard, but really, try to ignore these people.  No one is perfect, so the scar on your arm is no big deal. Just don't let anyone bother you.  

Maybe if you try to make yourself proud of your arm, then you'll be more comfortable.  Try working out your arms so you have smokin' muscles.  Then people definitely won't be noticing your scar.  Or, get a tat (if it's your thing).    Get a nice bracelet or something so you know they're staring at something other than your scar.

I can't believe people are that rude.  Honestly, as a child I was taught not to stare or ask personal questions to strangers.  

I can see how you'd be self conscious. But don't let that stop you from wearing what you want.  Realistically, what difference does it make if a complete stranger stares at your arm.  If you feel comfortable, then ignore them.

To get yourself over other people and your own self-consciousness, go out and buy the hottest tank top or dress that you can find.  Next, try using a spray foundation on your scar so you feel more comfortable - http://www.maccosmetics.com/templates/pr...  Once you're feeling confident, then try going out in that tank top without the concealer.  (If you find the spray foundation isn't as heavy as you want...you can use powder as well)

- I have two birthmarks on my face and I've been loading the concealer on them since I was a kid.  My classmates used to call them poo stains...Now, I don't even notice them.  I've stepped outside without makeup.

Answer 6

I don't think you should have to cover it up with clothes, especially during the summer heat.  I like the make-up idea.  It will at least lighten the scar.  Also, I agree with the statements that people stare often because they are curious.

You can simply answer the gawkers and questioners with a small answer.  Just tell them it was due to a fire that happened when you were 4.  You don't remember too much about the incident since it was so long ago.  (Even if you remember it like it was yesterday, if you tell someone you were 4 and don't remember it too much, they'll believe you.)  Then shrug and continue to do your own thing.

Answer 7

It simply stands out, and it catches people's attention. You could try using longer sleeves, or just acknowledge it and make it part of your daily life, don't be offended by it, just laugh about it if possible, if not, just cover it up. Have a good day now.

Answer 8

Some times you just have to be strong and not answer. If some one asks then just don't say anything. You can look away or smile and don't answer. It is NONE of their business and people unfortunately think that they are owed some explanation and they are not. If you do that enough times people will get the picture.That may seem rude but it seems to me that they are being ruder. You can't go on being miserable and denying your self things that you enjoy because of others.

Note: I guarantee they will feel uncomfortable (which they should) for asking ,if you do this.

Answer 9

Well, I admire you in asking that question. It is very profound! Well you are an excellent guy! Thank you for asking! Good description and explanation. Very interesting question! Continue doing good and Great things like this! I think you are a Genius! Continue in exploring the world and learn more like you are up to now!

Answer 10

You should say something witty to get rid of the awkwardness. When you catch someone staring, tell them it's a battle scar from a fire-breathing dragon you slayed. (Or not, I suck at being witty, lol.) Then they'll be the one embarassed, not you.

Also, go ahead and wear tank tops! Stupid people shouldn't keep you from doing that!

If it's REALLY bothering you, there are ways to pretty much remove scars. But you'd have to talk to a dermatologist.

Answer 11

I know what it's like to always get asked the same question repeatedly by strangers and it's annoying!  I used to say things like, "Why does that matter?" and was bothered by it.  

What I realized over time, is that I can't change people or stop them from being curious.  They aren't thinking about how many times you have heard the same thing, because it's the first time they have seen you.  So I make the best of it, try to have a good attitude, and exercise some patience.  

I know you don't owe people anything, but this will help make it less painful/uncomfortable for you when people ask questions.  Just find a short answer that you are okay with, and say it with a smile.

Answer 12

Have some fun with it.  It's your scar!

When you notice people staring, gesture at your scar and turn and smile, like you are modelling a new scarf.  Smile and say "oh you like scars?" do you have any? (If they say no, drop your smile and make a disappointd face and just turn away like they aren't worth wasting time on.  They aren't)

And make up some implausible long story with lots of detail, and don't give them a chance to interrupt.

"Well there was this Asian diamond cartel.  They were trying to move into aerospace safety products -- you know, like acceleration restraints and crepe-soled flight attendant slippers -- and one of their technicians was working for the competition... "

Make up a long elaborate story that never ever comes anywhere near talking about your scar... and if they bring up your scar again, stop, look them straight in the eye and tell them in a clear voice that everyone can hear "My body is none of your concern, please take your unwanted attention elsewhere!" Now everyone is staring at THEM.  You too. Just give them the old bugged-out-eyes 'I'm staring back at you' look, and relish their embarrassment.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about.  You aren't the rude freak that is prying into things that are none of your business. Have some fun with it.  Otherwise what good is it to have such a distinctive feature?

Think of all the people who get tattoos just so people will stare, and think of your scar as a really unique and edgy tattoo.

Hope this helps.

Answer 13

tell them to mind their own business, that'll shut them up. Some people are just rude.

Answer 14

The ones that are gawking like idiots are just curious and likely unable to control the urge to approach you and ask, "what happened there?" and so they look at it and try to create their own senario of circumstances.

(We) know it's rude - unfortunately, they don't.  Still, it's a part of you and so you shouldn't hide, cover or mask it.  

I'm sure it's difficult, but there's a story behind it and people are inately curious to learn how, when and where it happened.

It's just human nature.  Once they acquire all the details and their curiousity satisfied, the scar, I assure you, holds much less importance and now the focus is entirely on you.

Horrible circumstances to endure as a child.   Glad you're ok!

Answer 15

When there is something about you that is out of the ordinary, people are going to stare.  They don't mean to be rude, they're either surprised, or wondering about it.  I know sometimes if I see something unusual, something like your scar, and I know I've been caught staring, I'll ask something about it just so that person knows I'm not thinking they're a freak.

Unfortunately for you, if it makes you that uncomfortable then you're going to have to cover it.

Maybe you can turn it into a game.  The next time a stranger asks you about it, make up a story about how you got it.  Make it a little unbelievable, and then when you have them standing there with their mouth hanging open in confusion and disbelief, walk away.  That should make it a bit more entertaining for you :o)

Answer 16

You have to start out pretending you don't care what other people think, and as you get used to handling people's stupid reactions in a way that leaves you more comfortable, eventually you really won't care as much. Go ahead and wear a tank/dress. You might feel bad when people stare at first, but as it becomes habit for you to ignore them or refuse to answer their questions, your focus will turn to yourself and your own comfort. Think about it, none of them pay your bills, they don't do anything for you; why should base your comfort and your dress on them?