Why does everyone keep insisting I should spend time with my 3 months old daughter?

Question

I'm 27 as is my husband of 3 years.We're both extremely career oriented and have very well paying jobs.My husband is as close to Mr Perfect as it gets.He treats me like royalty and was willing to give up having kids to be with me but when I ended up pregnant he begged me not to abort because he thought it was a sign that we were meant to have a baby of our own as we conceived against all odds with me being on every possible non-permanent method at the time of conception.Everyone insisted I'd feel differently once she was born and I believed them but they were wrong.I had the baby and we hired a live-in round the clock nanny to take care of her.I got right back to work and spend my free time shopping and getting my nails/hair done as I did before I got pregnant.Problem is both my parents and his as well as my 2 brothers and sister-in-law keep bitching that I'm cold and heartless for not spending any time with her.My mother actually dragged me to 3 different doctors to make sure I didn't suffer from Post-Partum Depression and each time I got a clean bill of health.What is their problem?My daughter is very well cared for and has every luxury she could possibly want.

Answer 1

I think now is the time you should consider giving up for adoption.  Your child is going to grow up thinking and feeling that nanny is more of a mom than you are.  If thats what you want, then thats your choice.  But instead of your child haveing a mother that is simular to the king over looking his people, allow her to have a parent.  Adopt her out.

Answer 2

Because it's not normal to not want to spend time with your child.  Although I can't imagine your question is actually true, in case it is, do you really want to raise a child to learn such selfishness?

Answer 3

YOUR BABY NEEDS U TO BE HER MOM NOT A LIVE IN NANNY... U ARE COLD AND HEARTLESS IF U DONT LOVE YOUR CHILD AND I PITY THE MAN THAT MARRIED U FOR LETTING U TREAT YOUR BABY DAUGHTER LIKE THAAT.  U ARE NOT THE QUEEN OF NOTHING BUT BRATTINESS AND SPOILED AND I HOPE SOMEONE BETTER RAISES YOUR PRECIOUS DAUGHTER AND THEN U GO AND HAVE YOUR TUBES TIED SO NO MORE INNOCENT CHILDREN SUFFER FROM NEGLECT WHICH IS WHAT U ARE DOING BY THE WAY... U CANT LOVE YOUR OWN CHILD HOW HEARTLESS IS THAT...

Answer 4

I would love to sit her and ramble at you about why it is important to spend time with your baby but I'm going to keep it short and simple....between birth and 4 months is the bonding time for a baby, this is when they distinguish who their parents are and develop emotional security. Would you like your daughter thinking her nanny is her mother? Money and material things will mean nothing to her when she is older, you can't buy your child's love, she will end up with severe emotional problems because she is going to feel unwanted and unloved by you. As she gets older she will begin doing things for your attention such as harming herself, throwing temper tantrums, rebelling against you and any limitations you put in place. It seems that your maternal instincts haven't kicked in and for some parents it doesn't kick in but you will regret it one day.  

Answer 5

If you can't bring yourself to spend any time with your daughter, my only suggestion is to look back on this question in 18 years time.  You may have a different perspective then.  Good luck and I feel for you.

Answer 6

Because they don't want your daughter to miss out on the mother/daughter bond that you are jeopardizing.  The choice is yours.  If you don't want to spend time with your 3 mth old, that's fine.  But when you don't have the close relationship that other mother/daughters have, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Answer 7

It is not them with the problem.

It is you who has the problem.

No one is mad because you did not want to have children, but you chose to have her. Your daughter should not have to suffer just because you feel like other things are more important than her. Perhaps you should look into a more permanent form of birth control next time, instead of being unwanted children into the world.

And its true that she is well taken care of, but material things are not everything and in case you have not noticed, material things are NOT going to be important to a 3 month old baby!! A loving mother who loves her is going to be the upmost importance right now. If you do not soon change, your daughter is going to realize you have not been there and as she gets older, she is going to rebel against you and begin doing things to cry out for attention.

Nothing is wrong with having a successful career, because that is what I am working so hard in college for. I am getting my Bachelor's in Nursing. This is my last year, and then I am going to Graduate School for my Master's.

It is also nothing wrong with pampering yourself and going shopping, but you really need to spend time with your daughter. Your daughter did not ask to be born and she did not ask to be ignored because you seem to find other things more important than her. I am glad that you did hire someone that you can trust her with..

And think about it, you know you are not doing right because you would have no reason to get on here and ask us about it if you felt like nothing was wrong here..

I hope you get your priorities straight. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Thank god your only selfish, a shopoholic, greedy, selfsentered, not ment to be a mother obviously because ya know alot of kids have druggie parents or abusive parents but seriously:

its people like you that make abortions seem alright to be legal. And people like you who throw your kids into adoption agencies or "live in nanny" households which are a serious sign of neglect on the parents behalf.

Read your post. Do you honestly have to ask what your parents prob is??? Its your child so you take care of her; I mean with a little TLC. You were born as a woman and its women's nature to care for children. Just cause the generations have changed does not mean that you can bring a child into this world and not do your duty as a mother to take care of her and let the man work. Who cares about your d**n nails. Your ignorance is too much for me. That poor child is going to have issues just like you---and becasue of you.

Answer 9

erm i think you might regret not spending the precious moments with your baby when she grows up... im not sayin shes not cared for, it sounds like shes cared for very well...

i know if i was a mum i would want to be there when they take there 1st step and say there 1st word, i think u may regret missing out xx

Answer 10

Her mother. The truth of the matter is that children want love and acceptance from their parents, not the hired help. No matter how good the nanny, no matter how great the luxuries, your child is missing the only thing she really needs. You would be better off to give her up for adoption to parents that would really love her and care for her than to allow her to grow up in a home with two selfish and self-absorbed people who can't be bothered to raise their own child.  

Answer 11

Is this for real?

It's ok to be career-oriented, but to spend your "free time" shopping and doing other things without your daughter.  Not spending "any time with her" at all?  I think this is a fake question.  

Answer 12

i work and go to school and am a mom and wife...sure there r times when all i want is some alone time away from my husband...and little one...u just inspired me to realize how selfish that is..thanks for being such a good example of what a bad mother is ...u should cherish your child  

Answer 13

babys need love more then luxuries. careers end.  careers don't love you back.  once you are not of any value to the company that you work so hard for, they dump you.  

Answer 14

Money and luxury can not buy love.

As your daughter gets older and begins to notice there is no bond between the two, she will resort in anger and hurtfulness towards you for not wanting anything to do with her.

She will eventually see that you rather spend time shopping and getting your nails done. That you choose these things over her......that.....will truely cause horrible problems you will eventually come to regret.

No one is attacking you because you didn't want children.

People are calling you selfish because you choose to keep a child, you didn't want and still have no intentions on bonding.

Your daughter is cared for by someone who is not her mother and who will one day, move on with her life. Causen pain and drift knowing the only one that cared for her, left as her parents rather work and shop than be with her.

She didn't ask to be born.

You might of not wanted to be pregnant. But you did decide to have her.

There is no reason to have a child if someone else is going to raise her.........that is what is so sad knowing she is goin to grow up knowing her parents don't care enough about her. That is exactly what she is going to feel if you keep this behavior going.

Don't believe me?

Go to foster care and juvy centers and ask youths why they are there. There parents choose drugs, jobs, moeny and guys and countless other things over them.  

Answer 15

At the end of the day, kids don't want or need luxuries.

What they need and want is their parents to be there for them, loving them and wanting them.

Your child is not an accessory to your marriage. If you don't spend time with her now, she is going to grow into a child seething with resentment because you basically left other people to raise her when you are neither dead, absent or incapable.

Depriving your child of love and attention is a terrible thing to do to them-and leaving others to give them that love and attention doesn't count.

Answer 16

you'll regret it when your old and your child is as cold hearted to you as you are to her, but atleast you've hired your baby a good substitute mum.

I hate people that have children and then palm them off on other people you should give her up for adoption so that she has a proper mum that loves her and wants her noone especially a baby deserves to be treated like they don't exist.

Answer 17

She has everything in the world except her mothers love.

You gave her life  so if could just spend a little more time with your angel it will not kill you.

Take her to the park.

Read to her

Show her the sky, sun and stars.

Talk to her is, she is longing to hear your voice.

Pick her up and tell her good morning.

At night kiss her and say Good Night mommy's little angel.

You don't know how blessed you are.

Always remember you can lose everything you hold dear in the blink of an eye.

Life is to short and no one is promised tomorrow.

I hope this helps you.

It's never too late Maddie

Answer 18

Girl you must admit the fact that you are no longer single and stop living your life like before. Ok you said your daughter is well taken care of BUT a mother's love and care is different from the nanny. Do not depend always on the nanny. What if you daughters first work is the name of your nanny? what if she gets sick and she doesn't want you beside her but the nanny? Doesn't that hurt?

I know you are caeer ariented and maybe you aren't ready for the coming of your baby. Money isn't everything girl and a baby lives her childhood only once. Cherish this moment with her. She might not speak yet now but don't wait to change until she start talking.

Have time for her and be the best mom for your little angel.

Answer 19

Babies don't want "luxuries" they want a mommy to hold them and love them.

Answer 20

"Why does everyone keep insisting that I should spend time with my 3 month, (not MONTHS) old daughter?"....  Because you are her MOTHER, that's why you ignorant *****.

How very self-centered you are.  Got a big ole' hard-on for yourself, huh?  You claim to be "extremely career oriented and have a very well paying job" ( I noticed you said 'job' and not 'career').  That's all fine and good.  But the one CAREER you DEFINITELY should want to be the best at is being a mother.  A PARENT.

You sound like just another selfish ***** who is more into her own aesthetics and her "job" rather than her child.  

Your family is correct.  You are cold and heartless.  Where's the maternal instinct within you?  Is it drowned underneath all the hairspray and dye that you've applied to your head??

With your attitude of taking your own flesh and blood for granted (the way you speak of your baby, one might think you were talking about a dog or something), you will regret it some day.  And perhaps you should.

It amazes me how some people are able to have/produce children.  And it amazes me even more that good hearted, loving RESPONSIBLE people cannot.  Unbelievable.

Oh, and one more thing:

I think you are as fake as a three dollar bill with your "career orientation and your well paying job".

You can't even separate a thought to create a paragraph when you're typing.

Unbelievable.

Answer 21

A baby can have all the best clothes, food, and luxury but nothing can replace the love of her mother.  In the future, she could act out to try and get your attention.  Is this nanny going to be with your family for a long time?  You've done a great disservice to this little girl by bringing her into the world and not loving her.  I actually feel sorry for you because you're missing out on something far greater than a manicure.  The love of a child will last a h**l of a lot longer than your looks.

If you didn't want children, why didn't you consider permanent birth control?