Why does everyone overact so?

Question

I've had horses for over 30 years, trained them for 20.

I'm currently training for a woman who over-reacts to everything.

If a horse is sunning in the pasture- she's convinced that it's colic.

If a horses eye is watering due to dust.. it's an infection and the horse needs thousands of dollars in treatments.

If a horse gets cast in the stall.. they are lame and can't be ridden.

If a horse gets fungus due to humid weather, it's a staph infection and EVERYONE is quarantined.

you get the idea.... everything is a drama... including training procedures.. lunging, etc.

Now she's conviced all her boarding clients that everytime a horse eye is watering it's an infected tear duct.... possible, but not every single time on every horse.

I'm becoming increasingly intolerant and very tired of hearing how she has no money due to unneccessary vet bills.

I've tried to help her.. she is not open to direction of anykind.

She is new to owning horses... only a couple of years.

Any advice?

Answer 1

actually this person reminds me of one of my friends moms. She just got horses a year ago and then she thinks she knows everything, she makes you wear a helmet in the pasture, you can't have your cell phone in with the horse. (we train our horses to be spookless) Im a teen and have had horses for 6 years now and she gets a new horse and knows everything. She has moved bording about 4 times because she is paranoied.

Answer 2

I hate people like that. They assume everything is something bad and dont stop to listen to others.

I think you should either:

1.) Leave her alone to deal with her own consiquences, that way, she will learn that she is only hurting herself

2.) Convince her that you have had a lot more experience with horses than she has had, that way, she might be able to open up a bit to you.

There was a little girl who overreacted about things too. It was very cute. We put her on this docile, calm horse. Since the horses were trained to follow other horses so that instructors could safely take beginners on trail rides, the girl's horse started to follow another girl's horse. She freaked out and said "OMG WHAT IS HE DOING!?" the instructor said "Tell him to stop" meaning that she wanted the girl to pull back on the horse's reins. Instead, the girl said "STOP!!!!" and the instructor laughed and said "No, with your hands!" and the girl sticks her hand out and says "STOP!!!"

Very cute :)

Anyways, I wish you luck with your problem

Answer 3

Kaybee,

In the horse world, people often are very protective of their ideas.  Is this woman this way with herself and her dog or other animals?

If she's new to horses, why is she boarding?  She should get some real solid knowledge about horse keeping and physiology and become good at keeping them before becoming responsible for other's horses.

I suggest to you that

1. Her problems are not yours - are you a boarder there?  If so, are these issues affecting you and your horse or do you control what the vet sees your animal for or actually see and make the decisions yourself for your horse?  If you're in control, and she's not increasing YOUR vet bills, it's not your problem if she flat thinks she knows it all.

2.  Avoid passing judgement or being too vocal about your opinions.  While you might feel you are passing your opinions to help others or because you are right, passing your opinions is only valuable to those people who want to hear them.  If you try to force your opinons on others you'll be seen as over bearing - trust that you know what you're doing comes from actually knowing waht you're doing and doing it - not from telling people that you've had horses for 30 years and you know what you're doing.

3.  When this person approaches you with a problem or complains, is she looking for sympathy or wanting help?  YOu can tell because once you begin to make suggestions if she cuts you off or says that won't work, simply cease making suggestions - you might even say, "Gee I wish I could help you, but I"ve offered suggestions from my experience and you don't want to hear them, so good luck".  If she's shutting you down, she wants to vent, not a problem.  Some people actually create problems to get attention.  If you're giving her solutions and paying attention, she's getting what she's looking for no matter whether she recongnizes this or not.

4.  Perhaps help from a more professional person would do the trick.  Always, from a positive angle - suggesting a good video, book or perhaps a clinic to attend would be helpful.

I work in a tack store, and it's very difficult sometimes to keep my mouth shut about my opinions - people will come into the store and tell me they need a harsher bit to make their horse mind.  I must first figure out whether they're open to changing their minds or not.  Usually, I'll try to determine what problem they are having, then exemplify how a bit works and how a horse thinks to educate them on proper bit selection and use - within moments it's easy to tell whether they're open to suggestions or dead set on something.  If they're dead set - I try to find the most innocuous bit I can to save the horse - but in the end if they want a certain thing, that's what they want.  I'll try to give them a bit mechanics video which sometimes helps them come back - they say "Man I had not clue what I was doing".

But most often people come in looking for ideas and suggestions which we offer to them for their selection.  One must consider the type of personality they are, figure out the type of rider - because often there are multiple things that will work, but only one will work for a particular person and their horse.  But I digress.

Either you can affect her opinions or you can't - if you can't no sense in wasting your breath, time and stress - if you find a niche to c***k away at, c***k away.  If she's causing you and your animals increased unecessary costs or health issues - move to another place.

Answer 4

good luck that is all that i can say

Answer 5

Ha, it sounds pretty typical of new horse owners...spending a fortune on unnecessary things.  And pretty typical of all horse owners...won't take someone else's advice, they already know everything there is to know, or at least they've heard of this one horse where it WAS colic....yada, yada....

I don't mean to ruffle feathers, I am a horse owner, too, and I can be set in my ways as well.  It just goes with the territory.  

As for advice?  Try to preserve your sanity by steering clear of the dramatic overtures...if you can simply avoid this woman and still do your job, great!  If she won't leave you alone, you might have to find an employer you can more easily tolerate.  Good luck!

Answer 6

Give her your notice and seek employment where some one appreciates your expertise.

Answer 7

Say it, PH...Say it again.

She used the term "Drama Llama" in one of her answers, and it fits to the T.

Is the vet good looking?  Just kidding...kind of.  I've seen people do some sssstttrange things.

Have you noticed it's two extremes, usually...either fudging on self care for a condition that NEEDS a vet's expertise, or not bothering to learn ANYTHING on their own.

Answer 8

i agree this a perfect example of the horse world! some stupid person who doesnt known squat about a horse would think that stuff u said in ur question. that lady is a true idiot! i have a neighbor who doesnt ride her horse because she thinks she might hurt it! how stupid!! only people who actually know about horses should should own horses!!!

Answer 9

Good Luck!

Answer 10

So long as she pays you, what the heck.  Some people thrive on high drama.  They have to have turbulence in their lives or they aren't happy.  Now, if it's too stressful for you, move on, because I doubt she's going to change.  I know a gal that is similar to what you describe.  She doesn't work, so all she has to do all day is stand and watch her horse and figure out his every burp and f**t, and try to figure out the significance of them.  Hey....it's a little tedious for me to listen to, but since it seems to make her happy to obsess, I just let her rattle on.

Answer 11

You really can't do anything. Sorry but thats what she thinks. Have the vet tell her that its not nes.

Answer 12

this is just a perfect example of the horse world.....most people can be so opinionated!!!!

Answer 13

Yeah, some people have that whoaasme syndrome....you know..the pessimist  the one that see's the glass as half empty.  Always looking for sympathy the world upon their shoulders....

Unfortunately..it doesn't seem that you are going to be able to change her ways..so if it bothers you that much...you can change what you do...and move on.  This is her way of getting attention or to have something to "talk" about....feel sorry for me.

However, in defense of her..and I know things happen but how often do the horses get cast, fungus, and watery eyes...are they that frequent?

Are you there full time or just go to train?  Is it a boarding facility that she owns?  Is there a barn manager or are you her confidant??

As far as telling boarders things..remind her that if people begin to feel that this is not a safe place and full of health issues..she's not going to have any boarders and thus no business... she's ruining her own business.  Does she have family that you could talk to?

I can only imagine how frustrated you feel!!  It would drive me nuts!!

Answer 14

There is a lady at the barn that I ride at that does the exact same thing!  Unfortuneately, I don't think there is anything you can do.  Just try to hang in there and be patient!

good luck!!  :]

Answer 15

The truth is it's her boarding and training facility then I would leave it alone or go find yourself a new job if you're that concerned with it. Many people that are invested in the horse business often are very protective of that investment. If she has enough money to pay you for your training, then there is nothing you should worry yourself with. If she has the money to spill into extra vet bills to insure and keep her in steady mind, then I would let her.

I call the people that are like this "first time Parents". Just as a young new mother worries over every sniffle, sneeze and cough and rushes to the doctor only to be told that it's nothing and then after a few months of it being "nothing" the ONE time that they don't take their baby into the doctor it ends up being pneumonia and they beat themselves up. I'm sure this woman is having that exact fear, that the ONE time she doesn't rush to the vet that she'll come out the next day to find her horse laid over dead or unable to move.

As for the claiming that vet bills are running her broke, many people claim to be broke even though they are loaded so people won't think that they are profiting from their business or that they are over paying her, or if they need something fixed, she will be required to pay for it out of her own pocket.

Answer 16

There area a few people at my barn who do this.

my trainer gets really annoyed, but there isnt really anything you can do.