Why does everyone think this is so wierd?

Question

okay well i am adopted..i was at about a month old. my birth mom was going to keep me..she did for 2 weeks..but then put me up for adoption because it was too hard.

anyway..people always ask me if i want to meet my mom and i just say not really..i mean i have a great loving family, awesome firends, an amazing boyfriend..just a great life. people seem to think it is so wierd that i dont go out and look for my mom. i love my mom and dad now..whats the big deal? do you think this is wierd?

Answer 1

laura,

the choice is yours.  many adoptees want to meet their birthmoms, others don't.  i don't think it's at all wierd.  what's ever better is that you have found peace and joy in your life as a adoptee...

Answer 2

No and when you are ready to forgive your birth mom for doing it. It may be two months or never. There are other things to worry about.

Answer 3

not weird at all.  you are loyal to your adoptive parents.  It is your decision and yours only.  It would be the same if you wanted to meet her.  Not weird either.   What about the donor guy?

Answer 4

No,   You have had your answere of why.   there  is nothing wrong with how you feel.   you are content with what you have and that is all that matters.   My Son was adopted by my husband when he was 3 and he could care less about his biological father (he is now 17)   Your Mom and Dad love you and it sounds like you are a mature lady so I think your thoughts are just fine.   Why change anything.

Answer 5

no I don't think it's weird at all.

Answer 6

Not at all. Lots of people feel the same way you do. If your real mom didn't want you, then why do you want her. You said you have a wonderful family now, that's all that matters.

Answer 7

it seems as if, you have a mom.

she may not be your biological mother;

but she is your mom! She has raised you, and loved you.

it is not wierd at all.

Why go looking for someone you dont seem to have a connection to?

Answer 8

I do not think that it's weird, especially not how you describe it. I do think that it is such an interesting post though. It sounds to me like you are a very healthy person and there is no reason to seek out your birth mother. People just need to be more open-minded and put themselves in your shoes instead of having knee-jerk opinions on situations such as this.

Answer 9

I think it shows that your strong.  Some ppl would probably like want to know everything about their birth family which would cause more stress on them.  There's also chance your mom would realize how well you've been brought up and want you back. It could turn into a biggg mess.

Atleast your very happy with your life now :) everything happens for  a reason.

Answer 10

no not weird at all you are lucky and so are your parents! blessings to you always happiness to you. I think adopted children are special! adoption should mean choosen to love.

Answer 11

I don't think this is weird at all.  You feel comfortable, happy, confident and secure in the life you were raised with and there's nothing wrong with that.  In fact, that is very GOOD and HEALTHY!  Some adoptees are unhappy and want to blame it all on their birth mother "giving them away."  There is nothing weird or wrong about you being happy and feeling good about your life.  I am happy for you that you do!  I have a beautiful adopted baby daughter and I hope to raise her to be just as happy as you are!!!  THanks for sharing your positive adoption experience!

Answer 12

because everyone lese whos adopted people think that, that person wants to find there real parents. So when you told people that your were adopted the first thing they trhought of was would you liek to meet your real mom, and they would have thought that you would have said yes. Personaly i think its could that yout dont wanna go looking for your mother, maybe if you meet her you would have been disappointed, or that she doesn't wanna see you.

Answer 13

Laura,

You are not weird for feeling this way.  My mom (an adoptee) did not search out her birth mom until she was in her late 40s.  She just never felt the need or compelled to before then.  They do have a very nice relationship now.

Neither one of them has any regrets about the adoption.

As others have mentioned the nice thing is you can change your mind and find her later on.

Answer 14

No.  Its not at all weird.   Its nice and probably the way it should be.

I have one grown son who was adopted from infancy, and I have two biological children.  I can tell you there's no difference in my relationships with any of my three kids.  My son had no particular interest in looking up the biological family (although he was contacted and invited to meet his biological mother).  I have a brother-in-law who was adopted, and he is adament that the parents who raised him were his only parents.

One day you may get curious (although my brother-in-law is well into middle-age and never got curious).  Some people do, though - and that's fine too.   However you feel as an adopted individual is your prerogative and business.

Its normal that you love your parents and they love you.  

I have a story that I like to tell some people:  When I was expecting my third child I was trying to sleep on the couch one night.  My little son was three, and he was curled up with me.  My first son (the adopted one) was eight, so he was down the other end of the couch.  My unborn daughter was kicking like crazy, and my little restless three-year-old was kicking around in his sleep as well.  Then my increasingly leggy eight-year-old began to stretch his legs in his sleep, so I was getting kicked by him as well.

I couldn't sleep because I was getting kicked from all directions!  There was, however, something so memorable in having that restless night on the couch with all three of "babies" there with me.  There was just something great about it, and there was something symbolic about having all three of them with me - so close - and doing the same thing.

It was one of the happiest sleepless nights of my life.

I've always respected that my son is the one who is adopted and has the right to know what he wants to know about his biological roots; but as an adoptive mother who knows how I feel about my son, I think the way you feel is about as natural and right as anything can be.

(The ABC news-woman, Cynthia McFadden, has also said she has never had interest in finding her biological mother.  Many, many, adopted people feel as you do.)

Answer 15

No, its not weird. Whats weird is that you feel you have to ask. You are old enough to make the decision and live with it. You may change your mind later in life or you may not. Its ok.

Answer 16

I don't think it's weird. If you live a happy life and have no regrets and you love your adopted parents and they treated you like their real daughter, then I see no reason why you would be so concerned with finding your birth mother.

Some people want an explaination as to why they were "abandoned" or they think their adopted or foster parents were awful and hope their birth parents will be some sort of king and queen of romania or something. If I were adopted and I loved my adopted parents, I would find no reason to want to find my birth parents for 2 reasons.

1. It may hurt the feelings of the people who RAISED me and loved me like their own daughter

2. if my birth parents wanted to find me, then let them find me.

Answer 17

I used to think that was weird when I was younger, too - I have two adopted cousins, and I never could understand why they didn’t want to meet their “real parents.”  I would ask about it all the time, because I found it really odd that they wouldn't at least be somewhat interested. A typical response from them would be something like "We already know our real parents - they're the ones who are doing the parenting . . . duh!"

Now that we’re all adults (they're ages 36 and 39), nothing has really changed with how either of them feels about this. From their point of view, they've always had a wonderful family, amazing parents, the whole thing. The oldest of the two has never even tried to locate his "DNA donor" (yeah, that's what he calls her). I've asked him why, because I still find it strange that he wouldn't even be curious, but he says it's just not important to him.

My other cousin actually did search hers out a few years ago, because she was curious and wanted some questions answered. After meeting her once she never had any desire to see her again.  I'll never forget how she summed up the meeting - she said, "How did I ever come out of THAT woman? She's nothing like my real mom!"

So, even though it may seem weird to some of us who would assume that you'd want to meet your birth mom, how you personally feel about it is ultimately what's important. You should do what you feel is right for you. Like Dawacky L said, "what really matters is that you have the choice." There seem to be plenty of adoptees who, like yourself, just don't have any desire to meet their birth parents.

Answer 18

I think it's totally normal.  Once you get a little older you may feel different, but some adopted children are ok with the fact of not knowing because of the loving relationship they had with their parents growing up.

Answer 19

I don't think it is weird.  Your birth mom placed you for adoption with a loving family, that is what she wanted you to have.  The fact that you are loved and have a great life is what she was looking for you.  Plus you have your Mom and Dad that you love.  They are your parents, your birth mom gave you life and a family and she does not expect for you to look for her.  

It is normal for you to be curious but by no means do you have to go looking for your birth mom.  I don't know why people assume that an adoptee should always search for their birth parents.  The word Mom is not just a title, it is something mothers earn through years of loving and raising a child.  I am a birth mother myself so by no means am I giving a one sided view, it is a choice we deal with when we make the decision to place and if we will have a chance to see our birth children again.

Answer 20

No I don't think that is weird at all.  If you have always been happy with the life that you have had, then of coarse, why would you want to upset the band wagon?  I mean to have been given to parents who couldn't wait to get their hands on you, then I wouldn't be in any real hurry to start changing your life.  (I'm not saying that your birth mum didn't love you, more than likely that is why you were given up, because she loved you so very much, and wanted to give you the life that she probably couldn't give you.)

Answer 21

you never met your biological mom i assume you are not going to miss her because you never met her in your life, but if you are interested you can try to look for her just to get to know her and see what kind of person she is

Answer 22

i did have the curosity and did find my birthparents. i am very happy i did.

but no i dont find your story weird. i have actually several people that feel the same as you. im glad you are confident and comfortable with your life and your choices. dont let anyone tell you its wrong, weird or anything else. its your choice. either way, good luck on the rest of your life.

Answer 23

Yes it is weird.

The oldest questions known to humankind are Who am I? Where do I come from? How did I get here?

Would you start reading a book at Chapter 2?

No?

Well if you don't know your real parents, that is like starting your life at chapter two.

I think it was Socrates who said, "The unexamined life is not worth living."

Answer 24

I think it is pretty normal,  I was like that until I was 18 and had a baby.  I even had an in real life friend who was also adopted who would cry for her mom, and I felt...nothing.  It was like they weren't even real people to me, until I had my own baby, and then it started to wake me up, and it was really hard, even so it wasn't really until I knew them that I realized what I had lost, or how my feelings, which I had thought were feelings everyone had,  actually stemmed from my adoption experience.

Plus I liked to say I never thought about it, people thought I was "strong"  for me, a lot of adoptees are like me in that it takes a milestone event, having your own children, or a medical emergency or something --- some people like myself repressed it out of necessity, it was too painful to cope with.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, if you are in denial, it is probably because that is where you need to be, you look very young, I would just try to enjoy where you are and deal with your adoption in your own time.  Some people never do, and I don't think there is anything wrong wtih that.

ETA:  I have to say that it makes me angry that people assume you are not curious because your adoptive parents did a "great" job with you, it is more likely that they sacred the bejeezus out of you and that is why you or not curious or the assumption that you are "confident and grounded" if you were so confident and grounded about this it wouldn't be a question on Y!A,

The stereotypes about adoptees being chattel are still alive and well.  I hope those people some day realize how inhumane they are.

Answer 25

I don't think it's werid at all. Just some facts for you. Most searchers (about 80%) are women. Most are motivated by some major life occurrance such as a death in their immediate family, their own marriage, the birth of the first child, and so on. Most are happy with their adotive families and are searching because of curiosity about their medical and other history as well as the motivation of the birth mother. Good luck and keep us apprised of how you're doing! HUGS

Answer 26

Its not weird.  I think you have a great perspective since you are living in the present and living your life

Answer 27

No.  I'm adopted too.  Some people think that adopted kids have problems.  That all want to meet their real parents, especially if they're 'unhappy' with their current, REAL ones.

The others are the weird ones.  They just can't walk in your shoes.

Answer 28

If you don`t want to search, don`t. It is entirely up to you.

Answer 29

This is not weird at all! And don't let anyone tell you it is! You seem very happy with your life so good for you! You have your mom right there with you, she raised you and you love each other, that's all that matters.

Answer 30

No but a lot of people are not as self assured as you. To many hang ups. Remember it is always your choice. Hope this helps.

Answer 31

I don't think it's weird. You're with your real family now, that's what matters.