Why does he abuse her?

Question

I am so confused, angry and sad.

My life long friend is in a relationship that is just tearing her up. She has been with this "man" for about three years. He calls her awful names, puts her down, hits her and just as recently as last night choked her. I don't know why he does this to her and I have told her many times to just LEAVE. But she wont, she always says "I do things wrong too, I get him to that point", I love her like a sister, but I am so afraid he will eventually really hurt her. She is a beautiful woman inside and out, she has been a model in the past and has guys constantly falling all over her...but she doesn't see it. She truly believes she deserves this treatment...that he actually does love her. I just want to scream STOP BEING STUPID AND LEAVE. But she is my best friend...always there when I need her; I would never want to hurt her.

Why does he abuse her? Why does she let him? How can I help her?

Answer 1

Im sorry to hear about your friends situation.  That kind of relatinship is never good, but she's been in it for so long so thats all she knows.  Most people who do the abusing do it for power and to have control.  She believes that she deserves this treatment bc that what he has her believing.  He has her under a "spell".  Just talk to her, tell her what an amazing person she is, primarily just try to pick her spirits back up and tell her she does not deserve this.  She does nothing to deserve this treatment.  If you just keep talking to her, hopefully she will see that there are better things for her.   Good luck

Answer 2

Start printing out info from the web on domestic abuse, what it is, why it is unacceptable, the number of deaths, etc. and give it to her.  Don't worry about him, she needs to be educated and take action. He won't change.  She can walk away.

Answer 3

idk but good luck. you guys must b really close!!! sorry i couldnt help.

Answer 4

no one can help her. she has to see for herself; sorry

Answer 5

if you love your friend as much as a sister than forget about hurting her you should go to the police and report what the man is doing it doesn't matter if your friend is crushed that her bf might be goin to jail maybe in the end she'll love you even more for it (actually SHE WILL love you more for it)

Answer 6

maybe he had an abusive past ..

so thats why he does it..or maybe he wants her to feel like he is the man and she does everything wrong..

honeslty if it was my best friend i woud maybe report it and make sure she has a restraining order on him so he cannot cme near here because she might be scared to leave him because he might hurt her really bad if she does.. one guy burnt a women because she wanted a divorce from him and she wanted away from him..if you havent told her that you think she is goin to get really hur and you dont wat her to and she SHOULD leave now? then i would tell her maybe she thinks you dont wan her to be happy but you  truley do want her to be happy just not get hurt..  and if hedoesnt listen give her some examples of abusing that you know he did to her and say you dont deserve to hav that done to you..  yeah you might push him to hat but guys should never hit or choke someone because of something that isnt really a big deal and een if it was a big deal he shouldnt still do any of that from what i understand..  no guy should ever be worth gettng abused over..

Answer 7

Men usually abuse there girls to feel like they are in charge and in control.  I am sorry to hear about your friend.  It sounds like your friend believes she deserves that abuse even though she doesn't.  You sound like a really good friend.  Don't give up on her.  One day while talking to you she might get tired of the abuse she will ask for your help.  Its people like you that helped me through abusive relationships I have been in.  Thank you for doing what you are doing.

Answer 8

often times women feel that this is normal if it is all they know and have been exposed to. Hitting and choking is never ok. She needs to hear from as many people as possible that this is wrong and help needs to be sought.