Why does he always choose his Mom? ?

Question

My bf and I have been together for 5 years and we have 2 children together. He refuses to move out and get us a place of our own. His mom is the most irresponsible 51 y/o woman. She works and makes good money, only helps pay bills when my bf throws a fit and tells her she'll have to move out (he wouldn't really do that and she knows it). I take care of EVERYTHING around the house. She doesn't even clean up after herself. Her room hasn't been cleaned since I last cleaned it in April. I have to get on my hands and knees everyday to scrub her bath powder out of the shower before I can bath my kids. She is inconsiderate and is very ruthless at times. If he doesn't give her bingo money when she goes broke the night before, she calls him everything but her son. No matter what she does to him or me ( she has never really said anything to my face but she and her daughter talk about me all the time) he always takes her side. He will not tell her she needs to clean up after herself and she doesn't take me seriously. When I have told him I will leave if it keeps getting worse, he says, it would be best for me and our kids.

I just don't understand. She even treated him like sh*t as a kid. He is constantly chasing after her when she is mad at him ( usually because he wont do SOMETHING for her). When he and I argue, he doesn't care how upset I am. If leaving was an option, I would have done so already. All of the ultilities are in my name and are topped out at about $4500. She can't live on her own because she will spend all her money on what she wants instead if what she needs.I am good to him and his beloved Mommy. She feels the need to get in the middle of our arguments and even start some for us by telling him outright lies.

WHY is he so adament on chasing his mothers love when she only gives it at her convienience? Why am I just chopped liver when I give my love freely?

Answer 1

that sounds like my frist mother in law, she would talk about him behine his back then when i told him she would say i was telling a lie. the best thing for you to do is tell him you are moving with or without him ,get away from her as fast as you can,

Answer 2

honey, my husband is the same way.  i can not say a thing about his mom without him going off the deep end,  i don;t know how you can leave with you mother in law.  i would have kill mine, lol/  good luck

Answer 3

Take the bills out of your name now to start with, then leave. He does it because he is insecure and is trying to get that unconditonal love she denied him as a child. He will never get it and doesnt realize it yet.

Answer 4

It seems that you are at your breaking point. When the two of you are alone (if that's next to never, then try to find time), calmly tell your boyfriend how distressed you are. Just ask him to listen to you. Then, ask him how he feels about all of this. Listen to his side of the story. If that does not work and/or if things do not get better, then I suggest going to a family counselor with him. If he refuses to go with you then go alone. If you can, bring his mother along so that maybe all three of you can find some common ground.

If things still don't let up, then consider leaving him. I am positive that you love your children very much, so (and ONLY as a last resort) you may want to file for joint-custody for your children. Remember that your children may also be affected by what's going on around them. Don't waste your time by taking care of another person's laziness.

Answer 5

i would move out tell your husband he can join you and the children or he can stay there but you cant take the stress of living with his mom any more

Answer 6

Please don't feel bad,truth is bitter.all your faults.you let him and her take advantage of you.free country you don't have to deal with all c**p she give you.you need all energy for your young kids.kick them out or you move out.you don't want all that negative effect on your innocent kids.you do love him nothing wrong but not price of kids future. if he isn't enough man to take care your feeling why don't you take you self,staying away from him.i understand $ 4500 not small amount,but compare to kids future,small price to pay.think i am mother too.you care about mama's boy or your innocent kids?think,think,think,and take action.