Why does my 1 year old SLAP/bite/ and pinch her mommy?

Question

hey moms and dads. Im a first time dad and just wanted to know a couple things. Me and my wife are very gentle around our baby and try hard to be good parents....so why does this 1 year old girl like to pinch and slap her mom? Its getting bad...and i have no idea on how to punish a 1 year old for this behavior....we have never believed in a spanking...its just something we dont do...but im seriously stuck right now...she crys *ALOT*. We definitely give her ALOT...she has many...many toys and eats healthy...this is just getting hard to handle so im looking for some rgeat advice. thank you very much....

p.s.....im 23 years old so i dont have much wisdom when it comes to this..this is my first child and i have no idea when and if punishment is right for a 1 year old...we love her dearly,she is my favorite person in the world....a little advice from you parents would be greatly appreciated

p.s. # 2.....how would i calm down her constant (frustrating sounding) crying...she acts as if she is really...really pissed off at the world!

Answer 1

Probably for the same reason my 1 year old does it to me.  What the reason is...that I am not sure.  Just like you said your wife is...I am gentle with her, I don't smack her, shes not really around other kids that do things like that, being that she is the oldest in her generation of kids in the family, the rest being 6 months and younger with no knowledge of biting or hitting.  

She actually has been getting better in the past month.  When she first started doing it around her first birthday, I would just tell her firmly "Thats not nice, dont do it again, it makes Mommy sad and she will cry" If she hit me or bit be again, I would pretend to cry and she usually gave me a hug and went about playing with her toys, if she continued she got a time out for 10 minutes.  She got over biting other people a few months back and started biting herself when she got mad!  That's a hard one to break too, she doesnt do it too much anymore.  She still hits now and then, but mostly its throwing things now.  It seems like no sooner do they get over 1 bad habit and they pick up another!

I would say just hang in there, maybe give her a time out after 1 or 2 warnings, whatever you decide though make sure you stand firm and are consistant so she learns that when you say something you mean it.  It will get better, it just takes time and patience, things that sometimes are hard to come by with a toddler. Lol. Good Luck

Answer 2

Try 2 leave a trap or something leave  the T.V on or Leave her faveorite toys in the room then when she's awake leave her alone but then when she acts crazy just still leave her alone until she can calm down also help her with the other stuff's she feel wrong about what she does even thogh she's 1 Years old

Answer 3

I think you made the same mistake most of us make with our first child. We are so afraid of not meeting their needs that we go overboard. You want to be there whenever she needs you and make sure she knows you will take care of her always.

She has translated this into "Whenever I want something and don't get it immediately, whether its attention or something else, I can scream and cry and throw a tantrum and Mommy or Daddy will give it to me". She has learned that when that doesn't work she can hit and pinch and that will get your attention.

You need to learn to tell the difference between when she has a real need and when she doesn't, then refuse to let her tantrums manipulate you into doing what she wants when its not convenient for you. She needs to learn to be more independent and to self soothe or she will be a monster when she gets older.

If she wants attention and you are busy or something she can't have, just give her something that you know will distract her. You can tell her that she needs to play nice until you finish whatever you are doing.  Once she realizes she is going to be distracted anyway she should start looking for something else on her own. It will take a while for her to get the message and until she does she is probably going to scream even louder. This is the fun part of parenting that you don't hear a lot about before you have kids.

When she hits, bites, pinches, kicks, anything physical, hold her far enough away that she can't continue and tell her "No, we don't do that." and set her aside. If she tries again, put her in time out. You can give her a few toys and tell her she has to stay there until she settles down. If she will stay in a playpen that is a good place for time out when they are small.

Once she is a little older she can learn to do time out in a chair without any distractions like toys. For now, your main goal is to get her to understand that tantrums won't get her what she wants and they definitely won't get anyone to hold her and play with her and trying to make her feel better.

Answer 4

my 1 year old daughter does the same thing to me and its frtustrating being a new mom thinking that she has fun doing it and i turn into the bad guy if i stop her.... i am not a believer in hitting children but a small smack on the wrist when they are pinching/slapping and saying no, might start some crying but usually gets the point across for a second or two.... the other thing i do is when she hits me i grab her hand and i say that hurts mommy, lets be gentle and use her hand to gently pat/stroke my arm or her toy or my poor mother's dog :)

she likes the "gentle" thing and it takes a little while to set in but you usually dont have to deal with any tears or screaming afterwards

Answer 5

My 9 month old bites, hits, pinches me and pulls my hair. He bites when he is teething for relief. When he hits, I think he considers it playing. When he pinches, I don't think he is doing it intentionally. When he pulls my hair I feel as if he considers it playing as well. I don't like to fuss my son either. But lately I have been taking control of the situation. I notice he is starting to do the same with others. When he pulls my hair I hit his little hand, not hard but enough to make him whimper so he knows it is wrong. I tell him No, No in a stern voice. When he pinches, he's really grabbing at my arm and squeezing .. not sure why he does so, but I tell him ouch, no no! and undo his little fingers and pull his hand away from me. When he bites, I know this is because he is teething, again I just tell him no, no in a stern voice. He is starting to catch on to No, No. Overall, I think it's just a phase.  

Answer 6

You should really consider a timeout area. Keep it the same area always and make it different by putting a rug in that area or a chair (facing the wall). Get down to her level and explain to her what the area is for and that she will be put there if she hits her mommy or does anything naughty. When she misbehaves put her there and ignore any screaming/crying. If she gets up just keep putting her back until she realises that this isn't going to end until she stays there and is quiet. Keep her there for 1-2 mins maximum once she's quiet and praise her when time is up and she's sat there quietly.

Answer 7

this is normal behavior, but not acceptable.  continue to redirect the child's attention and tell her NO each time.  model good behavior and spend some quality time with the child with the TV off.

Answer 8

She probably thinks that she is just playing with you, but you need to teach her that it is not nice to hurt you. Tell her it hurts. You may not think she understands, but it is surprising what these kids pick up.

My daughter (at about the same age), bit a lot and eventually my husband bit her back and she hasn't ever bit him since. It is hard to do, but you could always give it a shot. Chances are, she doesn't think it hurts you so she keeps doing it.

With the crying--about that age my daughter did the same. It was a phase. It was rough, but try to keep her busy. You can give her a bath and do some water play, introduce her to crayons (be careful so she doesn't eat them), chase her around on your hands and knees, take her for a walk. Just try to keep her distracted. It will be hard on you and you won't be able to do anything while she's awake for a while but I think it might just be a phase. Do bring it up with her doctor though with both the slapping/biting/pinching and the crying. Good luck.

Answer 9

I would start with a time out. It's gonna be h**l on earth the first few goes at it but if your consistant it will get easier.

Any time she pinches or slaps her mum I would put her down and walk away. Teach her that when she does that she will not get any attention at all until she is prepared to be nice. If she still insists on slapping and pinching take her to an area where she is away from all action but not far enough away from you both. Get down to her level and explain why she is there and that she has to stay there until you come and get her. She most probably won't stay there for a second so remain calm and stay positive. Without saying a word take her back to her time out and walk away. Since she's only one I would only keep her there for a minute. After that tell her to say sorry to mum and then give lots of praise for doing so. A big hug and kiss and it's back to playing. Good Luck, it's a tough stage of life but the key is consistency and remember she is jut pushing her boundaries and seeing how much she can get away with.

Answer 10

1 Stop giving in to her.

#2 Only give in to her if she earns it.

     Getting desert, or a new toy, is a privilege.

#3 If she hits anyone. You tell her no its not nice to hit anyone. Take her to time out. If she cries has a tamp trump. Then ignore her. If she has a play pin then put her in there or a marked off area from the house, and don't pay attention to her. You may think that you are hurting her because you feel like your being neglecting as parent, but as her parent you have to teach her whats right and wrong. How can you teach her if she the one playing with you and getting everything she wants?

#4 Stop talking to her like she a baby. All though she is 1. She not so much as a baby anymore. She growing up, and the terrible 2's are coming your way. So you want to introduce a little grown up things. Like maybe help mommy or daddy put toys away. Small little things.

#5 Be constant with punishment.

#6 If she continue to be bad through out the whole day take away one of her toys. He favorite toy to be exact. It will show that you mean business, and tell her your not going to give it back in tell she starts to act right.

#7 If you continue to let her act like this wait in tell she grown up! She will be a handful with ranging hormones.