Why does my 3 1/2 yr. old daughter keep saying she can't do something?

Question

Whenever I ask my daughter to do something, she says she can't. I know she can, b/c what I'm asking her to do is not that complicated. And usually she's done it before. How do I get her confidence up? And, is this a case of "I cant's or I don't want to"?

Answer 1

Almost certainly the latter! Humour her - do things together for a while, make a game of it, especially picking up toys. Let her lose out occasionally - if she 'can't' get dressed in the morning then she misses a trip out with daddy to the shop- 'can't' feed herself dinner, she goes without (or something similar but not too severe). Or it could be fear of failure, she might worry that she will do it wrong - this is a trickier one. If you are a good actor, make occasional 'mistakes' yourself sometimes (put the iron in the fridge and the milk on the ironing board or something silly), and show her it's okay to get things wrong. Then, obviously, praise effort not achievement. Good luck.

Answer 2

My 4.5 year old will often tell me that she can't do something that she can very well do when she wants to.

Sounds like she just doesn't want to.

I just tell my daughter that sometimes there are things that we don't want to do, but have to and that it is best to make the most out of those things that we don't want to do - to make it fun.

Answer 3

It's not a matter of confidence.  It's a matter of "attitude" some children will claim that they can't do something when they actually don't WANT to.  My middle daughter used to do this, so I would ask her "Do you mean you really can't do it after I've seen you do it a dozen times or do you mean you don't WANT to do it?"

Answer 4

its i dont want to, lol i still do it, but dont worrie she will grow out of it.

Answer 5

Because she wants you to do it for her. My 3 1/2 year old daughter has been doing the same thing. It's frustrating.  

I don't think it has anything to do with confidence, but partially with typical toddler laziness or control.  For instance, my daughter knows how to put her underwear on, but everyday she asks me to do it for her. With other things she refuses help (brushing her teeth).

Take it in stride and don't worry about it. Certainly with most things, if you know she can do it, don't do it for her. If you're worried about confidence then the best way to boost that is for her to do things for herself like a big girl.

Answer 6

maybe she heard someone else say it. It could be a phase. My 2 1/2 yr old does that sometimes too. Give her lots of praise when she does do it.

Answer 7

She just doesnt want to do it so she says that she cant.

Answer 8

It's as simple as what shortkak said..most of the time if they say I can't it's because they don't want to at that moment.so I alway's made a game out of things with my kids.example: pick up your toys please.."I can't" so I would say how fast can you get your toys picked up and i would set my baking timer for 5 minutes or so .and have them see if you can do it before the bell rings.. of course they always beat the timer and then I would praise them for winning.it got easier..But the timer doesn't work so well anymore with my 16 yr old.haha..

Answer 9

its she dosent want to every1 says terible 2's are the worse not true at all terible 2's are just preparing you. The 3's are terfying and trying they are testing there limmits. Then there are the fearsome 4's the kids at this stage seem very odd everything they should be affraid of they arent  and everything  they shouldnt be affraid of they are just wait till she's 4 and you want a pic of her on santa's lap. And then they calm down then they turn into snotty preteens then obnoxic teens its true your still in the being of the fun stuff lol.