Why does my 3 week old require less night feeds when he co-sleeps with us?

Question

He'll make do with one feed if he's in our bed whereas he'll usually want two. He also sleeps for longer.

Answer 1

its not that he needs less feeds he's just more comforted and secure so he sleeps better thus not waking for that extra feed

Answer 2

It's comfort, warmth and security, lets face it he has just spent the last 9 months sleeping with you, I did the same with both my boys and they grew to be very happy young men. PS they were both in their own cot by three months old, you have to do what you feel comfortable with.

Answer 3

He feels comforted when he sleeps next to you. He can sense you, feel you, and smell you next to him. It's natural for a little one to want to be with his mommy as often as possible. He was as close as he could be for nine months! I'm pretty sure that at least one of the feedings during the night when he's not sleeping with you has to do with needing to feel and be with his mommy.

Answer 4

he feels comforted by your presents, its got nothing to do with hunger at all.

Answer 5

Like other said, when he's away from you - it's probably not the feed that he wants, just to be close to you.

Whereas when he sleeps next to you, he gets that closeness and he only wakes to feed when he actually needs to.

Answer 6

my 4 mnth old is the same, i think they just feel happier and more safe and secure if they are next to you so sleep for longer.

Answer 7

My son did the same thing.  It's because he feels more secure sleeping with you, which in turn makes him sleep better and wake less.

Answer 8

Im going to guess, maybe one of those feedings he only wants for some human interaction and to be held, and since he's in the bed with you, he's ok with not eating, because he can smell and sense you right next to him. Babies are very smart.  

Answer 9

This is because of the warmth.

Be careful as a Tiddly-peep this

young can easily become dehydrated with too

much warmth.

Which induces longer sleep.

Answer 10

He probably feels more secure when you are close.  He may not always be waking up because he is hungry.  But you know it is not safe to have a 3 week old in your bed, when you are sleeping Right?  It would be much safer to have him in a bassinet close to your bed.  Congratulations!  xox Do you guys really think it is OK to have a baby in bed with you while you are sleeping?

Answer 11

I agree that it is because he feels safe, secure, relaxed, and more comfortable when he's sleeping beside you.  My boys were the same way as newborns.

Answer 12

Your child might be sleeping better but it is dangerous to have him/her in your own bed as you could easily be extra tired and suffocate them without realising it plus as he/she gets older they may not want to go back in there own bed.

Answer 13

[edit - only four thumbs down?! Come on! I usually get at least 10! I use my thumbs for the space bar...

Jeez, I put the effort into writing this, you can at least give me more thumbs than 4...

I never get best answer anymore, I just want people to know the things I do and help where I can. It's called "Ethics" - the more thumbs the better! It means you're reading what I'm saying.]

Child Psychology:

You are breast-feeding your child which is great!

By doing so, you are not only giving him the nourishment that you have yourself, but also certain chemicals and hormones.

Oxytocin in particular is a very important one - it builds the emotional bonds between social animals (ie humans, mammals...).

You child is obviously VERY connected to you emotionally. It's a physical emotional connection - he IS you...

At least 50% anyway.

Babes are born early in humans because of the size of the head, it's why they can't do what all other mammals do when they first arrive - walk, talk, feed themselves, etc...

It means that, really, for the first few months (around 3/4) they're still in your womb - metaphorically speaking.

Understand this and you will understand your childe complete.

What has been said in the first answer is entirely correct.

It is comfort and the effects gained from it.

He is also able to feed at his own leisure, as you are both in bed and he can be relaxed.

He only takes what he needs right now...

He is crying out for feeding because he wants the comfort that you provide him with - the touch and the intimacy - whenever you do so.

That he only requires one feeding when he is with you shows that this is all he needs in order to keep himself at optimal health and nutrition.

Advice must always be taken with a pinch of salt, you are right - so I am giving you information; Fact.

You don't have to listen to advice, but it is often worth trying things out occasionally. Especially if that person has the experience and knowledge in the field that you are questioning in.

That he only requires one feeding per night when he sleeps - invades - your private space, for his own comfort and attention (which is natural for a child so young!), tells you that this is all he needs.

What is known as the "slow movement" method is one I have found to work with many children.

I will explain a bit.

It is important that you let the child know from the get-go that YOU are the mother and HE is not in charge - the world cannot always revolve around HIS demands.

Never underestimate children - they are extremely intelligent. It is YOUR job, as his mother, to bring him up properly and to enable him to face all the challenges that life has thrown at you and his father and every single one of us.

In this instance, advice can be worth listening to...

You stress and exhaustion levels will be increased by his night feedings, if it remains at three or four - it will increase as he learns that this is the best way to get attention at night - meaning less sleep for you! AND him! and kids need their sleep - an extra hour a night means kids are a LOT less likely to aquire ADHD type symptoms and perform better at school and in life.

For the time being, perhaps, alternating between the cot (in your room) and having him come between you and your partner (I am assuming that you sleep together) [Nb Come Between], wouldn't be a bad idea.

Slowly start to move the cot away from your bed, towards the door, then towards the open door, then into the hallway (make sure he's safe and warm) until eventually he is in his OWN room, in his OWN bed.

What I have said is a proven method - but it is advice... Take it how you will...

There is nothing "unsafe" about having your child sleep in the same bed as you - nothing at all. In fact, I recommend it.

But: YOU are the MOTHER; HE is your SON.

It is usually best to assert these roles as early as possible - people who follow the proven methods (ones that have been used for thousands of years, sometimes forgotten, sometimes never told - you're one of the lucky ones ;) ) tend to have children who end up as disciplined, medics and teachers - like me.

I was lucky to have a good mother - despite the harsh life that we had to live (armed forces, hence my background - leading to single parent...) - and both her and my father's mother (whom I still love to this day, she's always in my heart) brought me up to be the person I am.

I've made a lot of very bad mistakes, but I've always known that they were - and I learned from them. Thanks to good parenting and role models.

By sleeping with your child and your husband, you are creating the oxytocin bond between all three of you - it's also stimulated by touch.

So, I say - keep doing what you're doing - it's the best you can do.

But!

Remember that, at some point, you will have to start asserting the fact that you are in control of the relationship by using "tough love" (kindly, slowly, withdrawing certain things...) and doing the thing a parent (I know I hate it...) hates most - ignore the child's cries for attention.

You know he only requires one feed a night - he may be sleeping well.

At this juncture - follow the consultant's suggestions and advice.

DO speak with him about the ramifications of allowing the "co-sleeping" to continue for too long.

The amount of time that it can be allowed to go on for (except for certain situations - storms, nightmares, etc... all natural first fears for any child) is dictated entirely by your child and when YOU believe that it is time for him to start maturing from a new-born into a baby, into a toddler, into a child, into an adolescent, into an adult.

It is a good thing that you are seeing professionals and it is a good thing that you are also questioning the reasons behind what they are saying.

Some professionals do not know of certain things - they may know a LOT about breast feeding, but not so much about the pharmacology of it, the social aspects and the psychology behind what's going on for you and your child.

Congratulations on having a lovely, new-born boy!

I wish you the best in raising him to be the best person he can be.

Just allow him to be his best and he will.

I promise you that.

Answer 14

Maybe when he is waking up on his own its not actually for a feed? I know he probably takes milk, but perhaps its actually for comfort but when he sleeps with you cos he knows you are next to him he is happier sleeping.

Answer 15

Maybe you are feeding him longer b/c he is right there in bed with you.