Why does my almost 3 year old hate me???

Question

My family and I are very affectionate with our child, but he is always hitting us when he does not get his way or something does not go right. Now if he does something wrong we may paddle him on his diaper, but nothing like the beating he gives us, he has even started hitting on his older brother, this is something he never ever used to do before. He is very coopertive with is teachers at school and other people, but not with the ones who love him the most. I am very confused and hurt because I don't know why he hates us so much. What happens if he continues this behavior when get gets much older?

Answer 1

First of all he does not hate you.  He is just feeling frustrated that he is unable perform tasks as well as the rest of you.  You need to let him know that attempting to do something is as important as actually doing it.

Try breaking tasks down for him, so for example the task of putting his shoes on.  You would first make a big deal every time he manages to put the shoe on his foot.  Then once he can do that, you help him learn how to do it up.  Before you know it he can put his own shoes on all by himself, and you can make a big deal of what a big boy he is.

He is the youngest and so surrounded by people that seem to be able to do everything better than he can.  I know that I would feel frustrated in that situation too!

Secondly, you need to let him know very clearly that it is unacceptable to hit.  If that message is to take root, you and the rest of the family also need to follow the same rule.  Which means no paddling him on his diaper.  In my house, we have used Supernanny's naughty step technique with great success, for issues such as hitting and biting.

Good luck!

Answer 2

does he see you guys fight or watch tv?

just wait till hes old enough to realize what hes doing

Answer 3

You teach people how to treat you-you have taught him to hate you- well -probably not.

The thing is-he's on his turf at home-at school he's uncertain of his surroundings so he's going to be on his best behavior. He also knows he can't do anything fun if he's in time out-so if he wants to play with his classmates-he's gotta be good. Try different methods of punishment.

Oddly-my god son started this same behavior when he was three-teachers didn't see it because he was on his best behavior at school and only let down his defenses at  home. It got to the point where he accused his mother of being mean to him and trying to poison him-by 5 he over reacted to everything and blamed his mother for things,he turned out to be a little nutter-he's on anti psychotic drugs now and doing pretty good-his meds need adjustment every now and again but other than that he's fine. Does your son exhibit any other odd or aggressive behavior?

Answer 4

This is a developmental phase. Your child trusts and loves you, so can express his/her emotions fully, but not in a contolled manner. My child and friends' children have the same problem. Try to be calm and please do not use a physical reprimand of any sort - instead try a simple sanction/reward system like removing him from the situation when she/he hits the brother. He will grow out of this. Three years olds just cannot cope with the quantity of emotional development that is going on in their bodies and brains - so they hit out as verbally they cannot find an outlet. Please be reassured that this is normal behaviour that just needs to be managed calmly

Answer 5

Many Three year olds exibit this behavior. They think, you spank me? So it's okay to hit! Which is not right, you need to lay down the law when he hits you, make sure you make it clear to him that it's absolutely unacceptable. Also, he doesn't hate you at all. Three year olds are just his way. If you discipline him, he will eventually learn that it's not okay to hit and will outgrow it, be patient, it may take a little while, especially with boys.

Answer 6

My brother did this when he was younger, he grew out of it, but he's still a rather violent kid at 12 years old. He throws some of the worst temper tantrums and asked me last week if I could get him into anger management counseling. I'd keep an eye on your child, but more than likely its just a phase. Maybe try to get him in sports to get the aggression out, he may just have a lot of energy and doesnt know what to do with it.

Answer 7

You can't allow his aggressive behaviour to continue. Are you being consistent with his discipline...putting him in time out even if it takes repeated attempts? Do you get down on his eye level and explain his actions? Do you praise him for good behavior? He doesn't hate you; he's just pushing his boundaries and asserting his independence at home where he feels safe and , sounds like. confident to do so. Don't let him become a little tyrant. He's still young enough to learn good behavior at home or anywhere....not perfect behavior because he's a little child, but good basics like no spitting, fighting, hitting, and no disrespectful language. You may need a good child psychologist or counselor to help you sort out the problem. Best wishes.

Answer 8

It's probably a phase, but is there an older child in the family maybe around 9-12 who could be teaching him, or it's tv or he sees you or family fighting, if he does it again, shout at him

Hard and spank him harder than usual, and say NO!!! And leave him on his room till he stops crying, then don't take him put intil he says sorry and tell him not to do it again     it's the only way

Answer 9

It doesn't mean that he hates you he might be testing his boundries to see how far he can push you before you get cross, but do you let him get away with this behaviour? My daughter occasionally tries to hit me if she is upset or angry and depending on how bad it is she always gets told that hitting is wrong and no one should do it or sent to time out as she hates to be excluded. If you let him keep doing it your child will have vey little or no respect for you or others so you should really try and stop this now, most kids do hit at som point and most hate to be excluded from things so even just you moving away from him or picking him up and moving him from you and telling him you don't like it when he hits you and if he is going to behave like this you don't want him near you may get the message through to him. This behaviour does come with the age group my daughter is 2.5 and occasionally does this but they can pick things up from other children as well so it may have come from nursery or it might be his way to show displeasure either way you need to let him know its wrong.

Answer 10

buy him that Lego set, or thoes green blocks.

Answer 11

Do you give in to what he wants when he does this to keep the peace because then he will keep doing it. Dont smack him at all give him time out in his room instead as it could be a learnt behavior. Maby he is frustrated about something and he cannot communicate it to you give him lots of love and praise when he does something right it could be a cry for attention. Try to keep a peaceful mood around the house, make sure he gets a rest during the day and that he has activities to amuse him drawing, painting, duplo, sandpit ect.. goodluck! By the way it is naturally a difficult age anyway terrible two can extend well into three ...

Answer 12

He doesn't respect you.  You need to set up some rules, guidelines and discipline.  He's certainly old enough to have consequences when he's doing something inappropriate.  And it's your job to teach him what's right and wrong!

Answer 13

He doesn't hate you, It is the opposite he love you so much he feels he can do what ever he wants we you. It is normal he is still a terrible two. He is going thought a lot of changes in school, there he has to sit down quietly be cooperative  share and take turn with all those extrangers kids. Furthermore, he has a schedule to follow. At home he doesn't have any rules to follow something that can be easy fix. Just give him 2 rules when he turn 3 add another one. It could be something like (My hands belongs to me) If he doesn't follow look at him straight on the eyes and asked him "who do your hands belongs to" let him sit on time up for one minute for him that is like 3 hours. The second rule can be " A hug to mommy and daddy" children love to hug a this age. give him some shores around the house. matching the socks. buy some plastic utensils and let him sort them up, get a Little paint brush and a cup with a little bit of water and let him paint the house (is just water) afterward, give him a hug a tell him" you are so help full, I am so proud of you" and give him a sticker

Answer 14

Just wait til he says that he hates you because at that age, he will.  Try not to use hitting as a punishment because it might be confusing him.  Some kids develop aggressive behaviors when they are in pre school.  When he hits put him in time out and say "we do not hit...only nice touch"   Show him what nice touch is by gently stroking his arm...and repeating nice touch.   Don't let him watch fighting movies like the power rangers.....my 3 1/2 yr old started karate chopping everything after seeing this show so I now tell him that he can't watch the power rangers because they get him into trouble.  I let him play with the action figures, just no watching the shows.  

This will pass...he just needs to learn self control which is going to take a while.  Don't let him get away with hitting.  ALWAYS make him do time out for hitting and ignore him when he is in time out.  Don't be afraid to remove him from a restaurant, mall, store etc. if you have to take him outside to do his time out.  One thing that works well for me is if I say, " Do I need to take you into the bathroom and talk to you about how you are acting" when we are in public.  Also another thing that works if he is resisting me (brushing teeth, taking medicine, getting dressed, etc) is if I say,"do you want me to do this the nice way or the mean way".  Good luck...this will pass but run him like a drill seargent so that he knows that his hitting will not be tolerated.