Why does my daughter never want to see me again ? ?

Question

I have 3 children daughter 18,boys 19 and 13. I divorced 2 years ago after 20 years, the last four years i left due to the wifes constant affairs and lies .I didn't want to unsettle the children and left them at home,seeing them weekends and regular holidays.I met somebody else and just got married.My new wife has two children 17 and 12 both boys who live with us and all very happy.I had been giving regular allowances (£70 each) per week to the two older ones while at college,Both have been bought cars also. As i was goingaway to get married i decided to give them lump sums (6 months) as i may not be in a position to carry on after college year ends,also now old enough to find work.Whilst away both left college and my daughter has not spoken to me since.It has been 6 months and i am devastated.I have written,i can't text or phone(numbers changed) Ex wife number(i also dont know). What can i do ? According to my youngest (i see the most) she never wants to see me again,and no explanation?

Answer 1

It never really matters how old your kids are, divorce is painful.  They are just better able to deal with it as adults (or older teens) than small children, but nevertheless, still difficult.  

The fact that you remarried a woman with kids close to the ages of your own children is probably viewed by your daughter as abandonment of your own kids and that you have switched to a new family.  I cannot even begin to tell you how betraying that feeling is!

Plus, you gave your kids lump sums of money which sounded to me like as if you were settling up with them once and for all.  As if you were saying that now your responsibility and ties to them are done and over.

It's also a good possibility that your communication skills with your daughter are seriously lacking.  

You say you can't call because phone numbers have changed...are you still able to communicate with your sons?  If so, maybe you can make contact with your daughter through them.

Other than that, the best you can hope for is that in time she will rethink her feelings and want to contact you.  Be patient, as that may take many years,

Answer 2

The answer is right in front of you, you just don't see it. She feels replaced. Give her time and keep in mind she does love you, just give her a little space. Then, without any other family member around, including the new wife, spend some time with her, it's what she needs to feel she still matters to you. Don't make the mistake of buying her a gift and thinking that will take care of it. A gift cannot ever be as precious as the time you spend with her.

Answer 3

Just relax,and keep cool.Actually any children wether big or small  are not really in state of mind to let their parents be shared,whatsoever.

Its just that they unable to accept your new relationship.

Once they are cool and reason out logically by themselves then only they will forgive you for being shared.

Better don't force yourself upon them too much,the relationship can get worse. So,give them time ,as saying goes"everything passes by time." Till then wait and love them as they are.

Answer 4

Your daughter is very angry at you.

She knows better regarding the cause of her anger. You have to be patient in dealing with her. Any rush on your part may potentially be another factor to further anger her. Accept her anger too, but also let her know that you love her and care for her, which also means accommodating her anger. By providing monetary help alone, generally no one can communicate or no one can experience love and care. She has to understand and accept your divorce and remarriage as necessary events. May be she did not have an adequate opportunity to digest your remarriage. A trained counsellor may be in a better position to help you on your part to reconstruct things in your relationship with your daughter, provided you willingly contact one. No problems are permanent, they are all amenable to committed effort for resolutions.

Answer 5

Well, in my situation, my dad left when I was born. I am 20 and my sisters are 28 and 29. They saw what really happend to my parents relationships and nthey saw my mom suffer. Therefore my oldest sister practically became my father. Because everything fell on her shoulders, she held the biggest grudge on my father. She practically despised my dad. Over the years, the middle sister got over it a little only because my nieces wanted to meet their grandfather. I for some odd reason always had a special place for my dad even if I saw him every few years and he always managed to not pay the low child support. I got married two years ago (young) I know and I went to see him. He angers me so much because of how alike we are. We have the same humor and we look alike. he promised to pay for my wedding dress and even though my family told me to stop trusting my dad, I didnt because i still felt a special connection. Turns out he lied to me again. Im done. Im angry at him for the chances i gave him. You say your youngest daughter is angry? You probably had a special connection with her and shes hurt that she feels that it is broken. A child can feel jelous that your with someone else. It really might not be your fault, but they are hurt. Give it sometime to heal and let them grow up a little more so they understand and before you know it, they might ask you for  advice but dont turn your back on them and dont lie.

Answer 6

Maybe because you left them..... I would be very mad and want to get away from all of my family....also it could be that you got remarried and that bothered her!!!!

Answer 7

HI,

well..she might feel left  out.. may be she feels that you are doing so much things for the boys .. but not anything for her.... and may be your ex-wife .. is not treating her well...

cheers

Answer 8

Well lets see.. first you divorce mom, then you settle for just being a dad on your appointed visitation days and kick in 70 pounds and a car and expect that will make up for the fact you are not around more.

Now  you dump them all and move away so you can be daddy to some other mans kids and have a new lady in your bed, leaving your own on their own because they are now done with college.

I can see her point, why can't you?