Why does my eighteen year old daughter act this way?

Question

My eighteen year old daughter does a lot of things that bother me. I recently found out that she cut her arms and thighs for three years, she even has a peace sign scarred onto her thigh! She gets depressed for no reason and I watch her pull away from her friends, her family, and her boyfriend. She finds everyone's flaws and focuses on them more than anyone I've ever met! When she makes mistakes she acts terrified to acknowledge it! She does anything to avoid confrontation! I've tried to get her to see a shrink but she refuses! Does my daughter have a mental illness?! Any idea what illness she may have?! How can I get her to see a shrink.

Answer 1

It seems like something isn't right to me (bipolar, or maybe an anxiety disorder), it would be good to get her evaluated by a psychiatrist. There are a few things you could try to get her to go see a doctor, try to talk to her, express your concerns and hopefully she will feel a need to go to the doctor. You could insist - give her no choice just say she has to go. Maybe when she's having a happy moment suggest the doctor - she might be more open to it if she's in a happy mood.

Answer 2

Honestly? It sounds to me like she has boarderline personality disorder.

People with this disorder tend to think in black and white, and tend to have a poor image of themselves. They do not take criticism lightly and tend to stay away from social relationships

For more information about this feel free to go to the below link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_...

I would see if you can get her evaluated by a doctor. I defintally think that she has some kind of mental problems. I find it odd that she is carving rather than cutting (Carving designs into her body rather than just straight lines) considering most people that cut out of depression simply cut lines in order to free the emotional pain that they feel.

Answer 3

EMO depression!!!

Answer 4

It can be alot of things but the main thing you should target is her friends. Kids do some crazy things in high school and always think everyone is against them. She points out everyones flaws because she is insecure. I'm sure there are reasons she gets depressed she just dosent want to say. There is alot on her mind and when she thinks about it she gets depressed. Don't get her to see a shrink it will just make her hate you because then she will think your going against her and she probably would hurt even more.

The peace sign i'm sure some loser at school talked her into it because it's "cool." If you hang out with dark miserable people when you are that age, you try to be like them and follow what they do.

It's clear she is not to happy with her life or maybe her vision of it so thats why she cuts herself or it could be a cry for attention.

Spend more time with her, take her to lunch, take her shopping or to a movie. She will act like she dosent want to go but trust me she will be happy about it no matter how hard she pretends she is not.

Don't mention a shrink again.....

Talk her into getting a job to take her mind off stuff.

Answer 5

If she lives in your house, and you are supporting her, she needs to live by your rules, and the first rule I would suggest is to get her to a psychiatrist, STAT (medical term for immediately).

The cutting is fairly common among depressed and anxious individuals, and it is very, very dangerous and can escalate into extremes.  As with the missing layers of skin, she can actually do a lot of damage to herself besides the cosmetic aspect, she could actually damage veins, capillaries, and arteries.  Of course, also her skin.  

I am not a doctor or psychiatrist or nurse, but it sounds to me like she may be suffering from OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder) and maybe even Bipolar Disorder, and/or Clinical Depression.

The fact that she's cutting in areas that are not in public view is significant mentally, and the longevity of this practice is alarming.

If you cannot get her to go to a psychiatrist, try to see if you can get her to go to a regular M.D.  

Also, in most states, there is what is called a "72-hour hold" where a person can be commited involuntarily to a psychiatric facility or hospital if they pose a danger to themselves or others.  Obviously, in this case, you have that law to fall back on should she refuse to get help.  You can call your local police department or fire department to find out if the 72-hour hold law is in effect in your state, and you can do this anonymously.

Also, while you are researching this further, please take the time to check out the sites listed below.  I sincerely hope they will help you and that you can find out further answers.  As a fellow parent, I know it is like to see your child in pain, or hurting themselves.

Best wishes.

Answer 6

Well your daughter must be going through something internally since she is cutting.Maybe the reason why she cut a peace sign on her thigh is because she wants peace.Maybe she is filled with chaos or thinks that she is.You should talk to her about that.All of this seems to be caused from something internally.She depressed about something.It isn't ever nothing.Maybe she likes being alone.Maybe she finds everyone else's flaws because she is trying to hide hers.That's why she is probably afraid to acknowledge her mistakes.She's eighteen so she can't be made to see a shrink but you can set down and talk to her about it and try to convince her.You should ultimately pray to GOD for her.GOD can solve anything.She also might have dermotillomania.It's when you pick at your skin or scabs off of your skin.You need to try to understand her.I hope that I helped.So may GOD BLESS you!

Answer 7

This sounds alot like bipolar or Manic depression.  Highs and lows are very common and seemingly triggered by nothing.

The cutting is her way of dealing with the pain and frustration that she has.  That's not as serious a problem as the depression itself. (not to say that it's not serious,)

She focuses on the faults in others because bipolar people genuinely believe that's what the world is doing to them.  

Unfortunately, if you live in the United States, there is no way to force a loved one to seek medical or mental help until they try to seriously hurt themselves or others.  Unless they live with you and are a legal dependant (that is you provide at least 1/2 of their support)

try to reason with her.  She knows deep down that shes not happy, and the way she's acting isn't normal.  She wants to be happy like everyone else.  Tell her that there are many diseases, (not just mental ones) that can have these symptoms.  Let her know that since she's an adult it's her decision, but if she'd like to see a doctor and try to pinpoint what it is that makes her depressed at times then you would be happy to help her arrange it, pay for it, get to it, whatever she needs.  Maybe look up some statistics to show her she's not the only person that goes through this, she's not weird, and it's not her fault.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

i have been a cutter for almost 8 years and it wasn't just until recently i didn't want to change because before no one was supportive they just jumped on me and freaked out. which i can understand why they did it but it did not help it just make everything worse. Now i have someone who is truely there for me no matter what and genuinly cares. She doesn't fly off the handle and is very patient. Thats what your daughter needs.

Your daughter needs to realize for herself that she wants to stop or she won't. You can't force her or she will resent you and likely keep doing it and it could get worse.

I have also struggled with depression for longer than self harm. everyone tried to diagnose me at first and in some cases that can be it but i truely believe that mainly there is a root cause. She may not even really know what it is, i didn't. but thats where a good counselor comes into play.  She does need to go see someone but she needs to know that you are behind her 100% of the way no matter what. She may even reject your efforts at first but she will at least know you care.  

I think that if you support her and show her that you care about whats going on in her life she will eventually realize that what she's doing is not only hurting herself but the people she is closet to. it will take time but don't give up because she will come around. But the important thing is that it can't be forced and that she has to realize she has a problem first. once that happens, slowly everything will get better. but it is slowly. let her know you love her. Be there for her happy, sad whenever. i'll answer any questions if you have any if you'd like.

Answer 9

yes she is depressed. that's her illness. you should urge her politely and caring not that she is some sort of freak who cuts herself.

I am 19 and have been cutting on and off since I was 13. my mom made me see some counselor and then once i stopped going which was b/c it was stupid. shedidn'tt care if i saw anyone or not and thought it went away.

try to get her to an actual psychiatrist that can give her medication if talking it out isn't her thing.

a lot of people cut, ive come to realize and most of the time it isn't becuase of suicidal thoughts. for me most of the time its just a way to get out my feelings. I am not one to scream and yell at people for what they do that bothers me, so I take out on myself. I've become addicted to cutting and when I don't I get even more depressed.

Good luck.

Answer 10

I would strongly suggest some kind of hospitalization for her. There is obviously something traumatic going on in her life that has caused her to disfigure herself. Perhaps some sort of abuse by a friend or family. I have a step daughter that went through this sort of thing and I had her in therapy for about a year and then she just sort of quit with the nonesense. I think part the reason that she did the cutting was because her mother gave her up and she had been fondled at a young age by a friend of the family. Get her help.

Answer 11

first off, im not a therapist. but i am a montessori teacher and may be able to help you out.  your daughter is at an age that she is trying to find a place in the world. she is trying to figure out who she is as well. the picking and cutting of the skin is a way of coping with feelings and emotions in most cases.  at first they start cutting due to something that happened, then the second cut may come due to anticipation, then it becomes cutting because they havent done it in a long time.  kind of like an obsession.  most people cut due to depression, puberty, etc.  

since she is not accepting to go to a therapist...maybe you can help by giving her other strategies on how to deal with anxiety, emotions, etc.  if it gets to the point where she cant stop herself then maybe you should talk to your doctor or a therapist to try and figure out a way to get her to talk to someone.