Why does my family find adopting diresepectfull??

Question

im thinking, well theres enough people in this world..&& i do want to have one of my own..but also adopt..my dad got heated he said how would this family's generation will continue with someone who doesnt share our blood?? im just trying to mother a babie as if it were my own...

Answer 1

"im just trying to mother a babie as if it were my own..."

It is your own, its your child.

Maybe try and talk to your dad,calmly. Ask him why he feels this way. & then say your feelings. If you want a baby by all means adopt. You'll feel it in your heart. If he doesn't treat your child with love or respect then it may be better for your child not to be around him. I think its better to not have a grandma at all, than have one that doesn't accept or love you'.

Answer 2

Well your dad is old school....

That is just his way, love him in spite of his negativity.

I think adopting is the best thing you can do as a human.

Is there a reason why your father thinks you can't/won't have a biological child?

I think there is more to the story...

Good luck!

Answer 3

well maybe he doesn't understand the full extent of how sad these kids are living in orphanages....all kids need is love, not to share your bloodline...I mean come on....unless he can trace his bloodline back to, say, george washington....then he has no reason to get all huffy.  and even then WHO CARES!!!  OMG he needs to get clue.

Answer 4

You have wrote what every birth parent fears the most.

Answer 5

Your dad's one of them blood family first people, eh? I have a friend like that, he demands three children and one of them must be male to carry on the family name.

I'm with you, and when you bring over a grandchild to meet them, they will be too. And if they aren't, then that's too bad for them, isn't it?

Answer 6

I faced the same heat, too, but not from my immediate family. They're supportive (thats because my own Aunt was a foster child, never adopted, but still just as central to our life as any other. We consider her blood relation, not for the DNA, but for the name, and the memories)

It was my extended family. When I expressed that I did not want to have biological children, they were not impressed. (Our family has a history of heart problems, cancer, as well as Autism and ADHD related problems.)

Bloodlines aren't as important as people seem to think they are. In Roman times, Emperors often adopted heirs (un-related, and often adults, too). To carry on the line. Its not blood, its all in the name.

In my situation, I stood strong. I still haven't adopted (i'm not 25 yet, and most countries don't allow adoption until 25). I negotioated the fact that while the blood was not carried, the name was (I'm single, intended to be.)

All in all, it is your decision, if things get heated up, tell him that its "Reasons like this I don't want the blood to continue!"

I do the very same with  animals...when the temperament gets short, dis-continue the line.

You are wonderful to want to adopt. If you do, you will possibly have to face the situation where you're child is dis-favoured by the family, which has happened many times. Tell the child that you love them, that you CHOSE them, and that you LOVE THEM, despite the fact they aren't from your womb.

Blood is thicker than water, but without water...you're stuffed, aren't you?

Answer 7

There are many babies out there that need loving parents. It sounds like your father is more worried about his bloodline dying (ego thing). That is really the only reason I can think he would react that way.

Answer 8

IT SOUNDS LIKE TO ME HE IS PREJUDICED. IF IT WAS NOT FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU I WOULD NOT BE WERE I'M AT RIGHT NOW. A WAS ADOPTED 40 YEARS AGO. AND IF MY MOTHERS FAMILY THOUGHT LIKE THAT,I WOULD LIKE NOT BEEN HERE NOW. I THANK GOD EVERYDAY THAT MY MOTHER GIVE ME THE CHANGE TO HAVE A LIVE.AND IF EVERYBODY THOUGH THE WAY YOUR FATHER DID. THEN THEIR WILL BE A LOT OF KIDS WENT OUT FAMILYS. PLEASE DON'T LET ONE PERSON STOP YOU FROM HELPPING A LITTLE CHILD OUT IN THE WORLD. JUST BECAUSE THE CHLD IS NOT YOUR BLOOD IT DOES NOT MEAN IT NOT YOUR CHILD. BECAUSE LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING IF THEIRS NOT A BOY TO CARRY ON THE NAME OF THE FAMILY.THEN THE NAME WILL END THEIR. BUT IF YOU ADOPTED A BOY AND DON'T GET MARRIED THEN YOUR FATHERS NAME WILL GO ON AND ON.YOUR FAMILY SHOULD NOT BE AGAINST YOU THEIR SHOULD BE FOR YOU. AND PROUD THAT YOU ARE TRING TO GIVE A CHILDREN A LIFE.......

Answer 9

I found very disrespectful that way of thinking, they're couples in the world that struggle to have a baby and adoption is a viable way of having it.

Adoption is an opportunity given to a child the be raised in a family and not on an orphanage or a foster home, but indeed have a mom and dad that will look after him.

I really can believe what your dad said, Im trying not to be disrespectful but it's inevitable, how can he think that? how can you think that? I really try to understand that way of thinking but the SHARE OUR BLOOD issue is such last century. You know people that have does kind of issues with adopted kids or adoption, if because they have bigger issues. Just because he doesnt share your same blood, doesnt mean he is not your son, and not because he has your blood doesnt mean he is.

Answer 10

It sounds like to me, your dad is old-school.  All he wants is for someone to share the family bloodline, and he knows that if you adopt, yes, the child will be yours, but the child will not share the bloodline.  It is only natural for a father to think that.  

Maybe you need to sit down with him, and I don't think that you will change his mind, but you can let him know how you feel about this.  Show him the stats for all of the children in the world who are suffering and who need homes.  A child who needs a parents love, not a orphanges love.  The child that you do adopt will be you.  You will nuture and help that child to grow into a respectful, young adult, and this child will call you mother.  That is all that matters to a child.  

Then once you do adopt (if you chose to continue down that road), and your dad sees the child, and how happy you are and how you have grown into a wonderful parent, then he might have second thoughts and he will love that child unconditionally.  Hopefully he will see how silly he was being, and I don't know if your dad is stubborn, but maybe, JUST maybe, he will apologize.

Good luck.

Answer 11

it takes a special person to bring up someone eles child like there own especially when its not a blood relative, if you were my daughter i would be proud of you i think your 1 in a million your dad will get over it, he will have to. you do what you think is write and well done for thinking of others.

Answer 12

I completely condone your big heart and love of children. Some people still live in the past where they trive on their blood lines. It really is selfish though. I think that if is your desire to raise a child of someone else...by all means do so. It is so needed that these children have a loving family.

Answer 13

They shouldn't because there is so many kids out there that need care and love and affection. don't worry about what your parents say go for it if its  what you want. Its a good thing to adopt i tell you a good thing

Answer 14

First, adoption is YOUR choice, and not your extended family's.  That being said, it does make it easier when they support your decisions.  

Perhaps your father has had a bad experience with someone who was adopted or perhaps there is another personal reason that he is "against" it.  I would try to have a "heart-to-heart" with him.

I was worried about how our families would react to our adoption.  My family has welcomed it with open arms and has never considered our son anything other than "our son".  My husband's family struggled with it at first, but they have come around and love our son completely also.

I would try to talk to your family a bit more and try to isolate why this is an issue for them.  You might also want to try to have them speak with adoptive families so that they understand how it is not "stopping the blood line" but rather, "expanding it".  :)

Good luck to you.

Answer 15

you know...if you have come to the decision to adopt...I'm going to assume ur an adult now. we all respect our parents, but they eventually have to let it go and give it arrest. it's your life, you make your own decisions.

Answer 16

Some folks are just hung up on the blood relative issue.

I was lucky enough to have 2 bio kids, and 2 adopted ones.

I love none of them less...and each of them has added wonder to my life.

Good luck sweetie, you sound like a wonderfully kind and sensitive person...and you will go far. :)

Answer 17

Firstly, congratulations! However you choose to 'build' your family is up to you, and l wish you well.  As far as your Dad.... obviously this is your choice not his, but you want him to understand and be supportive right? Believe me when l say l have stood in your shoes.  The first thing to do is talk to him.  Tell him your beliefs, ask him his, and tell him this will be his grandchild and you want him to be in his/her life.  Try explaining to him that blood doesn't make a family, it is the closeness you share, and the values you instill to your children that make a family.  You will probably find that once you went ahead with adoption, your Dad might cool down, how many parents are furious if their daughter falls pregnant, but once that baby is there it's a different story?!  Ultimately, the people to really worry about are you, your husband, and your child (to be).  Just stand firm by your own beliefs, and respect his, but don't give into them!  Good Luck! :D

Answer 18

You will have to ask your family why they find it disrespectful...they're the only ones who know why.

Answer 19

Your family is displaying "ignorance".............

Answer 20

If your dad really loves YOU, he will support your decision...and behave respectfully around those people that you love.

Answer 21

wow, your dad seems selfish..i had given my first child up for adoption when i was by myself to parents who couldnt have children and they were so gratefull for getting the opportunity. it seems as if your dad has some unresolved personal issues to deal with that have nothing to do with you and unfortunatly you have to find out what the deal is so that if you choose to adopt then your father wont be resentful towards you and your baby ect. i say that their are alot of babies and children that need homes and that is wonderful that you would consider such an unselfish thing such as adopting first. if you have a spouse that supports the option as well then i say that your dads opinion shouldnt matter and that if he wants to worry about the bloodline then he should have had a boy because genetically its the male who actually continues the bloodline, not the woman. I say that if you are independent and not living at home and you can support yourself and the baby then i say go for it. Your dad my not understand all your desicions but he should respect this one. if you told hime you still plan on having one of your own then i dont see what the problem is. i feel that if you have a partner that supports your decision then ultimately its your lives and just remember, if you give in just for your dads sake..you might resent him later anyways and who is to say that you could have made some gratefull child so happy. take care

Answer 22

It's sad but some extended family members find it difficult or even impossible to accept children who are not genetically related.  This includes stepchildren as well as adopted children. If you are going to have biological as well as adopted children (as I have), you need to be aware of these biases and not expose your children to them. It will profoundly affect the adjustment of the adopted child AND the biological child who, as a result of differential treatment, would treat their adopted sibling differently. This would be exacerbated if the adopted child was of a different race or had any special needs because then the biological child might attribute the differential treatment to those factors. You will need to decide if you can cut ties with those extended family members in order to protect your children if it becomes necessary BEFORE you adopt. I adopted transracially and was a little concerned but my father adored my daughter so I wish you luck.

Answer 23

You have a good heart and you should do what you think is best.  Adopting a child is the greatest love a person can give a child.  I know people that have adopted children and had children of their own.  Your Dad will probably 'come around' once he sees the adorable baby!  Besides, the male line is one that carries on the family name not the female.  Good luck to you!

Answer 24

Kind of funny your dad got heated, after all the line typical carry’s on via the male. Any baby you’d have would most likely take on its father’s surname. Grant it there are times the mothers surname is taken parents aren’t married, father not in picture, single mother via sperm donor etc.  

Honestly once his grandchild is placed into his arms adopted or natural he probably wouldn’t care.