Why does my friend always date guys who are abusive??

Question

I don't understand it ... my friend is beautiful, smart, successful, and the kindest person you could ever meet.

But, she dates guys who are either abusive (emotionally and sometimes physically) or guys who take everything (including money) but never give -- parasites.

She's been with her current guy five years, and I think he is the worst of anyone she's dated. He has NO respect for her, the relationship (he's a admitted cheater), and he has a HUGE anger problem. I found out this morning they're getting married.

Should I even bother having a talk with her about this?

Answer 1

Try talking to her about and point out all the bad things that has happened in their relationship. Tell her that she shouldn't settle for **** like him.

Answer 2

I think when it comes to our friends and their choices, all we can do is sit back and let them make their own choices.

We all have to experience pain, hurt and rejection in life, to build our backbones stronger. Hearts too.

Just be a friend and be there when she needs you.

I was the same way. iwas learned later, I was attracked to the same kind of men.  Counseling helped alot

Answer 3

no self worth perhaps and feels that having S**t is better than having no S**t

Answer 4

you could talk to her but it sounds like you have done this before.  people that attract themselves to abusers tend to have very low self esteem.  she won't think that she deserves any more than this scumbag, no matter what you tell her.  

in the end, some people have to make their own mistakes in life.  just let her know that you will be there for her if you  need her.  that being said, do not be a constant sounding board for her complaints either.  that would be codependence on your part.  learn to set healthy boundaries and if you can't deal with this guy, you might have to pull back a bit from her.

Answer 5

It sounds like she has some insecurity issues. How's her relationship with her father?

If she is a good friend of yours and you heartully believe that she does not belong with him, then I think you should atleast voice your opinion but support her in her decisions.

Answer 6

There are many, many reasons for why people do things like this. A lot of times it's either because that's how her father treated her so that's what love is to her, or she has a low self esteem and feels she can't do better.

Answer 7

she likes her dates to be abusive because she wants every date to be a hit.  

Answer 8

well yes talk to her but make sure

she don't feel that u are judging her

or she wont come to her scenes

and leave him

Answer 9

If you really care about her you should talk to her.  But she needs to see a counselor about her relationship choices.

Answer 10

Get it off your chest...Remember most weddings ask around for is ther anyone who has issues with this union? Talk to her and that's it...Then you have done your job. Take Care

Answer 11

It is a cycle! in order for her to break it she must realize what "it" is, and fix it.

Answer 12

It's probably the type of people she runs into all the time or falls in love with for whatever reason.  Men who are like that tend to want to be pitied, and maybe it's her personality to be caring/giving.  You could try to talk to her about it and tell her (if you can) that you would like to introduce her to some real men, but it might not help.  

Answer 13

No self confidence. Take a look at her own previous parental situation. How was her mother treated? Some women gravitate toward that bad *** type man because they believe they dont desereve any better- without realizing it.  

Answer 14

Why bother you will just make her mad.What you should have done was introduce her to some decent guys.

Answer 15

Some people, myself included seem to be attracted to people who have "sob" stories to tell. Sometimes its low self esteem. Talk to your friend & see if  she'll get help.

Answer 16

have a talk, if she gets mad, send her a letter, at the very least, you can say you tried...  to warn her...

please talk to her anyway...  talk to her parents if you can, too, siblings, as many people you know that know her, too!

blah away, it's for her own good...  try your darndest to get her away from him, honestly of course, though...

GOOD LUCK!

that's what I'd do, and have done...

Answer 17

just sit down and talk with her about it

please answer mines http://i348.photobucket.com/albums/q334/...

Answer 18

It seems even though from an outsider point of view she has it all, looks, brains, great personality, but she may be suffering from low self esteem or depression. As well as sometimes when you are in it you cannot look at the situation from the outside.  She may not even realize this guy is the jerk that he is, plus she has had five years with this guy, that is quite a long time to not realize he's a cheater, disrespectful and has anger management problems.  

Answer 19

well first off yes tell her that is a big big mistake and women like this is very scared , so they just take it , and then their are the women who gets fed up and stops the bullshi* tell her that you are her best friend and you will not stand up with it

because if you are her best friend you should have been took a stand

and you need to take this to court because this can get very serious. men like this one day cant control their anger and something might happen.

men beat on women they lack on something. they want to be feared. please stop this. and tell her she can do way better . and tell her to turn the tables on his a$%

Answer 20

no

its none of ur business

who r u to judge him

she loves him

thats it

u r her friend that doesnt mean u can do anything

stay away from them

if u do something bad

god will never forgive u

some very very bad will happen to u!!!

Answer 21

I would tell her that you believe that she deserves so much better. But I  really don't think that it would matter much because if she is really stupid for him is really doesn't matter what you tell her. She has to see it for herself. You might express your opinions to her and she might get mad at you ( happened to me). Tell her how you feel but say it in a gentle, respectful way. Good Luck!

Answer 22

low self esteem

Answer 23

you can try and maybe you'll get thru to her, but being in the same abusive situation myself, there is probably not a whole that will sink in. I know people think people like myself that allow themelves to stay in a ssituation are "looney" but as with my boyfriend, I love him and am not strong enuff to let go. Just pray for her that she'll be strenghtend  and be able to get out before it's too late

Answer 24

because your friend is stupid and feels she doesn't deserve better.  ANYONE who puts up with abuse is stupid, because as soon as you make the choice to leave or stop putting up with it, the abuse stops.

She's afraid there's no one else in the world who will love her, so she clings to what she has.