Why does my friend make excuses for her husband???

Question

I hate going out in public with my good friend and her husband ... he is a complete a**hole to waiters, valets, etc. I mean, he yells at them and treats them terribly (he had a waitress in tears once). And he berates my friend in public -- embarrassed, she tries to laugh it off, which makes me sooo mad.

When I confront her about his behavior, she just makes excuses for him. "He didn't get a lot of sleep" or "You know how he is" or my favorite "He's a complex person, like you and me."

I can't understand why she doesn't just stand up to him ... and not be a doormat. WHY?????

Answer 1

i had a best friend just like her. chances are hes a cheater. a man with real love for his wife doesnt act that way. anyway, the keyword here, is 'had'. Alot of time i'd loose sleep over them then for her to not take my advice and look at me like someone whos trying to break up a good thing. so i left her to herself and im guessing she realizes by now what i sd was true. these things happen when men see that women r naive...

so all i can say i like me, try and try and try till u cnt try to talk to her nomore, yet still try not to seem like u wanna control married ppl's decisions and im hoping ur friend wld open her eyes b4 its too late.  

Answer 2

first of all you don't know what goes on behind closed doors.  he may be really abusive when they are alone and she may be afraid of the things that he might do to her when they get home and are alone. abused women tend to make excuses for their husbands/boyfriends so that nobody else will know that he hits her. if you confront her with this she will deny it to you or anybody else because he has her convinced that it is always her fault. on the other hand that may not be the case at all and she may just be so used to it that she doesn't see it anymore, what ever the reason don't be afraid to speak up and stand up to him the next time you are out in public with them and he acts like a jerk tell him he is acting like a jerk. let him know that he is a total *** and that you don't like him doing it when you are with them. don't wait for somebody else to tell him you speak up and let him know.

Answer 3

You've talked to her, right? Then leave it alone now. You're only going to hurt your friendship if you bring it up anymore. But I have another suggestion: next time they ask you to go out, say no, because her husband embarrasses you because of the way he treats other people and her. Be straightforward about it. She'll either wake up and get this guy some help, or she'll be mad at you but even if she is, she'll be thinking hard about what you said. he sounds like a jerk. But they're married, so there's not much you can do about it. You are a good and loyal friend though. I hope it works out.

Answer 4

I could see you saying that if he was treating her bad but no one can control someone else actions. If that is his personality with some people but he is not that way to her she might not give a da*. In fact you may want to limit saying anything about her husband or you may not have a friend chances are she takes you coming at her worst than him going after the waiter but that's just my opinion.