Why does my mom despise my husband? It is killing our relationship!!!?

Question

I have been with my husband for 13 years, married 8 of them. We have 2 beautiful daughters 10 & 3. We both have good respectful jobs, and have nice things. My mom always makes snide remarks to me about him, and to his face. Since being a child, I have always helped my mother as a daughter should. She makes me feel obligated to do things, or I would BETRAY her, or she would be real DISAPPOINTED, and she will make comments to make me feel guilty. As a 29 year old woman, I don't feel like she should make me feel like this. She is extremely rude to my husband, and acts like nothing is wrong with her. I don't understand her anger to him. Neither him, nor I have done anything but help her in the best ways we can. I need ADVICE!!!

Answer 1

this is something your gonna have to talk to your mom about. tell her it hurts you to see her dislike your husband in such a manner.

Answer 2

Take her aside and tell her if she wants to continue seeing you  and your family she needs to stop with the negativity at once.  Then, if she makes another rude comment hang up on her or get up and walk away.  Let her know it will no longer be tolerated.  Tell her he is your husband and she can accept him and quit it with the comments or she can get lost.  You don't need that c**p in your life.  

Answer 3

Sounds like she is jealouse. 2 Things here that could be wrong. 1. She could be jealouse over that fact that you are in love and that she thinks that he isn't "good enough for you" and that he gets more attention than what she gets and takes it out on him. You were always around your mother. My mother does that sometimes to my husband, until i have learned to ask her what he deal was. That was when i found out.

2. IT could be a jealouse thing that you have a great husband the kind that she has always wanted and she is tring to get him away so that she looks better.....not meaning that in a bad way:) Some moms watch their kids grow up and get better things than what they did and that can make them do crazy things. I would sit her down and try to explain to her that this is my husband that i don't like you talking about him like this. Tell her how you feel. Mothers shouldn't do that and I amvery sorry that is happening to you. This is just from personal experiences. I had to push my mom away and it was hard but she realized how important he is to me and things got better. You can try this, it does hurt, but what hurts in the end only makes you stronger!

Answer 4

PUT YOUR MOTHER IN A FOSTER HOME EN OF STORY

Answer 5

I have a suggestion, but I am afraid with all these advancements in forensic science, you'll get busted for sure and spend a LOT of time in prison.

Answer 6

Your mother is emotionally dependent on your and wants all your attention and no competition from your husband - pure and simple.  There is a solution but it is not easy:

Stand up to your mother - tell her you will not stand her treatment of your husband.  Be prepared for the tantrum, guilt trip and all the other emotional manipulative c**p she will send your way.  She will make seem like your are "choosing" your husband over her (and I guess you are) - if that happens tell her that she is MAKING YOU CHOOSE and that you chose your husband.  Stand your ground (yeah, I know that can be REALLY hard to do).  Hopefully she will get over it and come around, but it may take awhile.  Remember that you will have to repeat this treatment a few times before Mom really gets it.

Answer 7

Talk to your mom! Obviously, she's the one that gave life to you. And if you don't feel comfortable talking to her, then who else are you going to talk to?

Answer 8

I don't think you're going to like what I have to say, but I'd like to give you my advice anyway.

Here's the thing, when you married, you chose your spouse as your life partner -- that means you should be backing him 100% of the time.  He is your partner, your confidant, your rock, and your life mate.  You should NEVER, under ANY circumstances choose anyone over your husband, not even your own mother.

Your mother needs to learn to respect both you and your husband.  You may not realize it now, but it sounds to me based off your description that the relationship you have with your mother is a toxic one.  It's hurting you inside, it's hurting your husband, and it's hurting your relationship.  I know she's your mother, but you, your husband, and your children need to be what's most important here.  Do you want your children to grow up with this?

It's time you had a talk with your mother in my opinion.  Tell your mother in person (or on the phone if you can't face or -- or write a letter if you don't think you could get the words out) that you're just not going to be okay with the way she treats you and your family anymore.  Explain to her that she's hurting you, your family, and your marriage, and that she needs to cease this behavior immediately.  Tell her that if she cannot learn to treat you and your family with respect, that unfortunately you will be unable to continue a relationship with her.

I know that probably seems harsh to you, but it's the right thing to do.  Your husband and children should be #1, and if anything is going to come between you and your spouse it needs to be terminated.

Good luck.

Answer 9

is she married? does she have a resectable career? sounds like jealously and immaturity to me...what other reason could it be? you sound like you have a happy stable life with your famiyl and maybe she is jealous of that..if she is that is not healthy and maybe her unhealthy ways are indeed ruining ur relationship you need to confront her with it and be blunt and tell her to stop if she does not respect your wishes i would suggest not seeing her for some time..that way you are taking away somthing from her that means a lot..YOU...maybe then she will see how her actions have harmed you..good luck

Answer 10

Hey this not an easy decision but as his your husband and you have kids tell her to stay away from your marriage.

Answer 11

Tel your mother what you just wrote. She will probably get angry and try to make you feel bad again. Set the boundary! As soon as conversation turns in that direction inform your mother you can't speak to her until she can say something nice, and stick with it! Hang up on her and call her later, to see if her attitude changed. When she's calm, tell her you refuse to listen to unsubstantiated remarks. If it's a legitimate grief listen to her, but do NOT tolerate her bringing you or your husband down

Answer 12

i knoe wat you mean i think it would be best to have a private talk to ur mother about her behavior and ask her what makes her act the way she does. Tell her that you love ur husband and you don't want to have ur own mother hating on him. Ur mother will then understand or explain for the reason she acts toward ur husband meanly

Answer 13

im going to be blunt.  ull be with ur husband for the rest of your life.  ull have kids and such.  ur mom wont be there forever.  concentrate on ur husband and ur family.

Answer 14

Maybe because you had a baby at 19 and then got married. She lost you when you were a teenager to him and she has never gotten over it. She probably is still mad at him for getting her little girl pregnant and thinks you could have done better.  She wants attention from you even if it is only negative attention. Let her know what is and is not acceptable. If she can not deal with it then she should not bother coming around.  

Answer 15

Trust me, he knows what is wrong.  When he called off their affair, it threw her for a loop.  He used to say, Don't worry, I am only with her to stay close to you, and they would bang until morning.  Now, however, she feels alone.

Answer 16

Some people are "toxic".  Your mom might be one of them.  Toxic people are real guilt trippers; they always try to make you feel bad about yourself, your job, your family, you name it.  You say that you are a 29 year old woman.  It is time for you to take charge of your feelings and "own" them.  No one can really make you feel bad unless you let them.  You can start by telling your mom (always be respectful) that you are initiating a new and better relationship with her.  In the future, do not allow her to put you, your husband, your children, or anything else down.  Blow her off with an "Oh, Mom, that's out of line", or something similar.  Then change the subject and act like nothing happened.  This will take courage and dedication and will not be easy, but you can take control of your relationship and be the grown-up adult that you say you are.  Be aware that your mom likes things the way that they are and will resist change.  You may even have to limit the amount of time you spend with her in order to get the message across.  It may be that she may never learn, but you will no longer feel obliged to let her knock you down and kick you while you beg for more.  

Answer 17

you are gonna have to take a stand...straight up tell her.  The next time she says something make her apologize to you for her little comment and let her know that you find it rude and disrespectful and hurtful.  Ask her why she does this too...just ask her why she hates him and hold your ground.  

Good Luck!  

Answer 18

ok....long time ago...you shoulded had put her on her place...!!

she is your mom...and she will always be your mom ...but the moment

you decided to get married and share your life with your husband and have a family....it is now ..your family # 1 priority and the wellbeing of it..and anybody attacking it !!! or working against that !!...is an enemy !! and you are going to view it as such ...tell your mom this!!! if she can not understand your point of view..!!..then tell her ..to not stop any more at your house...for it is clear she does not respect it (..by badmouthing your husband..kids see/ hear this..creates an unwanted and unwelcome environment )...and tell her that you 'll stop by her house once in a while...

for your priority ..weather she likes or not ..is your family ..your kids ...and your husband...you messed up...long time ago...on not taking a stand ..against your mom..when you noticed that she disrespected your ..husband...you shoulded had sided and stick..always with your

husband !!!....now it is coming down to pieces ..because you did nothin!!!..so if you can confront your mom...you'll save your marriage(family)....good luck!!