Why does my mom not lisen to what i have to say?

Question

Hello im 18yrs and i have had problems with my mom. she works all the time and when she comes back from work alll she does is nag. as a young child she has made me feel insecure about everything (accademic, ect) i have tried to takl to her about it and all she does is turn it around to make me at fault. what gets me upst more is that what ever i tell her she tells my stepdad. if i wanted to talk to him i can. i have nevver heard the workss :i love u " come from her. i am away from home now and i fell like never speaking to her again. what should i do???

Answer 1

Maybe if you did the things your Mum naggs you to do without her nagging she may start to listen more.

Answer 2

Hmm, this is a tough situation. I don't think you should stop speaking to her regardless. Many people in this world don't know their parents or don't have parents so I strongly feel that those who do should try their best to maintain that relationship.

Now that you're on your own, I think you should figure out what you want to do with your life. Are you away at school? Figure out what you yourself aim to accomplish and work hard toward those goals. Don't listen to your mother and don't feel insecure about yourself. Prove her wrong. Don't let her keep you down.

At the same time, continue to try and let her know how you feel. If that still doesn't work, just be patient. I really don't know why she doesn't listen to you. That's really sad and definitely wrong of her.

I really don't know what is the right thing to do here but I do know that in this world, don't let anyone bring you down. You do what you have to do and work hard to accomplish something and make a difference. Establish an awesome life for yourself. As much as you can try to maintain the relationship with your mother, she honestly has to want to listen to you and participate too in order for it to work....

Good luck and I'll be praying for you :-)

Answer 3

This is a tough situation.  It's difficult enough to speak-up to a parent.  And extremely disappointing when they don't hear you, which it sounds like your mom isn't.  You speak of being insecure, but what it really seems like is that your insecurities are really your mom's insecurities that she's dumping on you.  What kind of job does she have?  If she works all the time, is it to make ends meet or is she a workaholic?  Her need for perfection in you might be to compensate for a lack of self-esteem she has.  When you confront her and she turns it around, that is her defensive tactic.  Something to look at is how you approach her.  Are you confrontational?  Do you sound accusatory?  Are there ways that you broach the subject with her without making it seem like you are telling her she's a bad mother?  

A good way of phrasing something: "Mom, I love you very much and our relationship is important to me.  I often feel ______ when you do______ ."

If she seems open at the time and doesn't get defensive, try to express what you need from her to remedy some of these issues.  Try to give her time to express herself, too.  Take the time to listen to her as well.  And don't allow yourself to get defensive if she gets confrontational and blaming.  If she turns it around, a good statement is: "Mom, I didn't know I did that and I would like to talk about that. But right now we're discussing what you do."

I have a somewhat similar situation with my mother, and the way that I resolved it is that I have accepted that she is who she is and she won't change.  Even for the things that she makes an effort in changing, I realize it won't be different.  But I embrace her for the qualities that I do appreciate.  

You need to stop seeking your mother's approval, stop seeing yourself through her eyes and start accepting yourself for who you are.

Answer 4

Next time your mum starts nagging, tell her straight out that you're not a little kid anymore, and if she's going to keep being like she's being then there's no way in the world that you're even going to get along like you should, explain to her that you're sick of the way that she's sharing all your secrets with someone else, and make it clear to her that if you wanted to tell your step-dad, you could do it yourself. If you feel bad that she's never told you she loves you, tell her as well, explain that if she doesn't tell you, you'll stop telling her. Tell her how degraded you feel, and if she doesn't understand, don't call her, don't go and see her and in a little while she'll start to see just how far all those little things she does have amounted and how far she's actually pushing you away. Good luck, hope this helps. :) x