Why does my sister-in-law try to discipline my children?

Question

my husband and I have 3 children 9,7 and 3. my husband's sister has 1 girl 9 years old. when we get together she always try to be the boss of everyone. she will slap the kids on the bottom if she sees them doing something wrong, usually before my husband and I can react. she is a very bossy, overbearing person and she thinks her child is perfect. we've started staying away from her because of the behavior. my children aren't perfect and we try to do the best we can as parents but she loves to talk about our children's behavior to other people. I reallly don't know how to handle the situation anymore. I guess I am just looking for some advice and to see if anyone has a similar situation. (by the way my mother-in-law, who is her mother, we get along great and always have)

Answer 1

In my family, we share in the raising and disciplining of the kids. Sure, we each know our proper titles, but, if mom or dads busy, and one of the kids needs to be taken care of right then.. it's not uncommon for an Aunt, Uncle, or the Grand parents to take the kids in hand.

My suggestion, is tell your Sister-in-Law that it bothers you for her to reprimand YOUR kids. Then, next time you ARE around her, don't be so slow to getting those kids under control if they're doing something they shouldn't be. It's best to handle a problem right as it happens, rather than to wait. Waiting only serves for a child to forget what they originally did wrong to begin with, and definitely doesn't help in educating them as to how to act in and around certain places and people.

If that doesn't work, then follow her lead. Start discipling HER daughter when she does something inappropriate, and if Sister-in-law says something, just say "I'm sorry, didn't think you would mind since you discipline our children so often."

She'll get the hint then for sure.

Answer 2

Your last statement said it all!!!!

She appears to be one of those moms who feels her child can never do wrong.Give her two more years and she'll be begging you for advice. If you don't want her disciplining your kids, you and your hubby should tell her so, and to put her in her place you tell her in front of the rest of the family; to put the icing on the cake you tell her that "you're not sorry" (yes I meant it that way!) that you don't live in as perfect a world as she does!

Is your 9 year old older than hers? If so, maybe she's mad you and her bro beat her to the punch. You know, 1st grandchild syndrome. If yours is younger, maybe she feels your child is prettier than hers.

It sounds as if you & hubby let your kids have their own personalities where as she seems to dominate her child's life. She won't allow her to make "mistakes" or do anything "wrong" for the sake of she wants to look like she's the "perfect parent", not so much that she wants you to think her child "is perfect". In her mind the "perfect parent" raises the perfect child....a reflection of "her".

I bet if you ask your hubby (and her mom) when they were growing up she probably thought your hubby was her moms "favorite" child, so she over compensates in raising her own child who will probably rebel against her in a few years. Does her child have many friends? I very much doubt it, if she does mommy dearest picked them out for her.

Don't worry about her flapping her gums to others about your children. You KNOW yours are going to be well balanced because they're normal with normal behaviors for children their age, and I'm sure you & hubby discipline them accordingly should that behavior get out of control. Just tell your hubby (and you too) to be there for your niece when she needs you, in a few years she'll be running to you. Don't talk bad about her mom to her, just give her the emotional support she's going to need, you, hubby and your children. When your sis-in-law approaches you, just give her that cheschire cats grin~  

Answer 3

If someone did that to my kids, all h**l would break loose. I would tear her apart and she better not even call me or show up on my doorstep.  

Answer 4

You need to have a serious talk with her! I have never let anyone touch my child! She would NOT like you to do anything to "perfect" child and for her to react like that tells you she is not right in the head. Do not ever let her behave like this again and speak up if she ever does because if you keep silent she will think your okay with it.

Answer 5

I don't know how you and your husband didn't blow up then and there on her.

   When I settle down if my sister or brother or in law's layed a hand on one of my kids I would go postal.

Next time she does it yell out her name in a firm voice. And say if she ever does it again she will know what a jail cell looks like in depth.

       Only the parent's should have the right to use light physical discipline. Because when parents discipline it should be out of love.

Your sister in law sounds like she delights in "disciplining" them and personally I wouldn't feel that my children(when I have them) would be safe around such a person.

    I would talk to her privately and say clearly that you don't want her to discipline YOUR children and that there will be consequences if she tries.

   Because your kid's "kind" Auntie sounds more like a child abuser then a loving relative.

Answer 6

Get in her face tell her to back off and if she touches your children again youre gonna break her d**n fingers off.

Thats what it takes.

My sister is a bully and thinks she needs to dicipline the kids. Then argue with us if 1 we wont let her 2 she doesnt like what weve decided.

I had to tell her that there father out ranks her.

She doesnt do that anymore.

Besides it doesnt matter if your children are the devils spawn. She needs to butt out.

Answer 7

If you look inside yourself, I'm sure you'll come to this answer. Though it sounds like you and your husband are timid and well-mannered people, I believe you and your husband should have a discussion about her behavior and the way she treats the family and your children. She's prying and behaving inappropriately, in my opinion. Your husband may feel offended, since it IS his sister, after all, but try and appeal to him using the children's well-being. An aunt is not in any position to be disciplining your children IF you have that under control already.  If you and your husband both come to the same conclusion and find that her behavior is not acceptable, then you should invite your sister-in-law over to a friendly and casual dinner. Hire a babysitter for all of the kids and maybe go out to eat. You don't want the kids to be present and most of all you don't want to handle a situation like this over the phone. I don't think you should invite her spouse if he isn't involved in the situation. Just go to a semi classy place and offer to pay for her. Have casual conversations and lightly bring up that you can handle the discipline of your own children and don't feel comfortable with her touching your kids inappropriately. It sounds like she might become offended, but if you want this to change, you're going to have to take that risk. Be sure to hear her out. She might think you're not doing any disciplining yourself and feels it's helping them. Maybe she's looking for a means of making herself important in your household or to the kids. Either way the bottom line is it makes you uncomfortable and it needs to stop. If it comes down to it, you need to tell her she can't see them without supervision if she refuses to stop, or she wont be able to see them again.

I hope this helps. Let me know if it works or if you choose to take this course of action which i 100 percent believe will benefit not only you and your husband's relationship, but will improve family morale overall.  It's just one less stress to have to deal with, I know what having in-laws is like hahaha. Anyway, let me know how things go if you like!

Answer 8

I'd be telling her you don't want your children hit and unless she wants you hitting her child, she better never touch yours again. If that doesn't work and she doesn't mind you hitting her kid, threaten her with arrest for assault.

Of course, you could say nothing and just give her kid a good swat when she acts up. When your sil gets mad ask her why she thinks its ok to hit your kids. Naughty is naughty, no matter who's kid is doing it.

You do have a responsibility to see that your children abide by her rules in her home but as a parent, its your responsibility and not hers. If you didn't react to your children acting up there I could understand her doing it but under no circumstances should she hit your kids. Since you said you do discipline your kids there is no reason for her to get involved.

Answer 9

Be thankful for your blessing.  It is a blessing to get along with your mother in law.  Have a heart to heart talk with your sister in law and tell her that you do not appreciate her punishing your children when you and their father are around.  Let her know that you do not appreciate her telling other people how bad your children are.

Remind her that these children are her niece and nephew and she should treat them as such and show them love or they will grow up not liking her at all and you do not want that to happen.  

If your husband is in agreement with you, both of you need to go talk to her together about this situation.  I would not let it continue to go on because it's not fair to your children.

She might not could have any more children and is jealous that you have 3 and she only has 1.  If you think this is the case then you don't want to hurt her feeling so be gentle when you talk to her.  Good luck!

Answer 10

You should slap that chic in the face. She ain't got no bidness hittin your kids.