Why does my six-year-old become so angry if someone "takes her spot" in line?

Question

I know she's young and believe me, I want her to stand up for herself. BUT I have a problem with the fact that everyday she gets sent to the corner or loses recess because she gets into a pushing war with another student because, "S/he tried to bust in front of me". (translation: I was standing in one spot in the line and someone tried to get in front of me).

It's not because she wants to be near her friends because even if a pal does it, she gets HIGHLY upset.

She also becomes very angry if she's "the caboose" of the line (that means she gets to turn off the light and close the classroom door) and someone gets behind her.

Answer 1

well it is really hard to tell what is going on in a six year old's head. We can complicate her reasons by saying that perhaps she is trying to enforce her presence in class. or we can simplify it and think that perhaps she likes the view up front...which in my opinion is the case. Because she sound like she is a fighter, and a strong willed person.

A child like that I feel you cannot approach by reason only, you must use emotions, and in this case you must make her express to you what she actually feels when she is up front, and when she is the "caboose". Once you find out (and that maybe harder than you think, i recommend you invite her to a coffee and stand in line and then indirectly ask her...maybe start my telling heer how you feel about your position in the front or back.)

Once you find out, ask her how her friends feel when they are not allowed to be in front because she is always there..."how would you feel if someone is always pushing you to the back and not letting you enjoy being first."

It will take a couple of tries, but i think she may later do that transferance of emotions and let go on her line position.

P.S. I am guessing she hates being at the end or the middle because some people are too slow or they move backwards making heer feel uncomfortable or suffocated...whereas in the front she controls the speed, the space and all that nice stuff.

Answer 2

It sounds like she has problems relinquishing control. She has in her mind a certain way that events will play out (i.e. "I am the caboose and I get to shut off the lights and close the door!") When her plan is "ruined," she likely gets very angry. Maybe you could start again by telling her that the things she wants to happen, aren't always going to happen, then illustrate this fact with situations from your own life, and maybe some from hers, where something different happened, and how you coped with that, or even how you benefited from it! Good luck!

Answer 3

I totally understand her problem. I am an adult and I still hate for someone to get in line ahead of me. Thats my spot and I want it. I know it probably doesnt make much sense to someone else. And as far as  being the caboose well thats a special position (cause you get to turn off the light) so she wants to do that !!

Maybe try role-playing to show her new ways to react when this happens. You could be her and she can be the one who busts in front of you!!

Answer 4

I have a 6 year old too. I think at that age it feels like a kind of personal insult or "attack" to the kid being cut in on. These kids need to be taught that cutting lines is rude and unacceptable behavior which needs to be monitored and watched by the teacher. It is not OK to blame the one being cut in on for being upset about it. Kids who constantly cut grow up to be the teenagers and adults who find it OK to cut in on lines of people who have been waiting for whatever. It is an antisocial behavior. Maybe your daughter feels that the teacher doesn't find it important so she tries to handle it on her own. Don't blame the victim.