Why does my son not do as he is asked first time?

Question

Is it hormones, or what. I have no idea. it is driving me mad, please somebody else with kids shed some light on this and how i can prevent it a bit. Thanks a lot

Answer 1

its natural. all boys start to grow up without listening to their mothers and fathers.

Answer 2

Because our children were put on earth to test the ends of our patience. Really, I swear that is true.

Be sure that when he's not following directions or doing as he's asked that he knows the consquence and you follow through with it. If you ask him to do something 6 times and never offer a consequence (i.e. 'If you don't have you room cleaned up by the time the timer goes off (or if he's older give him a time- by dinner time) I'll pick up all the things myself but they're all going into the garage (or if he's older- he has to wait until he cleans up to eat) it gives him no incentive to do things. True, kids should follow directions just out of respect but many don't and need some kind of discipline to assist them in making the proper choices.

Check out the 'Love and Logic' books. They offer great parenting strategies that work when used consistently- see what works for you and tailor the suggestions to meet your needs and your kid's personality type.

Best of luck!

Answer 3

I know how you feel!  You ask your kid to put away his construction set, but he continues building bridge after tunnel after roadway. Or you tell him to hang up his towel after showering — and he leaves it lying in a heap on the bathroom floor.

Why is he ignoring you?

Kids can be so intensely focused on play that they're unable to make room for your requests.  On the other hand, kids are developing their own opinions about you — and your "stupid" rules — and it's much easier to simply ignore you than it is to resist or concede. The key is getting your kid to cooperate while giving him space to practice his independence.

What to do when your kid ignores you...

Be clear and realistic. Make sure your requests are specific and doable. If you say, "Clean the garage," your kid may manage to push the clutter around a bit. But if you say, "Please sweep the floor and stack the newspapers in a neat pile for recycling," he'll know exactly what to do. Try to be specific about what you expect in the way of timing, too. It's better to tell him to be in bed by nine than to warn him not to stay up too late — after all, chances are good that his definition of "too late" is different from yours!

Since some tasks can still seem pretty daunting to a child — and because it's easy to assume that kids know more than they actually do — it might also help to lead him through a big job for the first time. If he's never weeded the flowerbed before, show him how to differentiate the bad guys from the heirloom wildflowers and how to pull them up by the roots. Not only does this provide real bonding time for you and your child, but the next time you ask him to weed there'll be no doubt in your mind that he knows how.

Simplify your requests. You kid may be ignoring you because he doesn't understand what you're asking him to do. Try to keep your directives simple, with no more than three or four steps at most ("Please go to the upstairs bathroom, look under the sink, and bring the bandages back to me").

Follow through. If you ask your kid to get dressed before school, encourage every step he makes toward that goal. If he refuses, simply lead him to the car with shoes in hand. When you ask him not to bounce the ball in the house and he keeps using the walls as a backboard, take it away from him until he's ready to cooperate.

Motivate your child. The truth is, we're all tempted to answer, "Because I said so!" when our youngster baits us once too often. But there are better ways to motivate your child to cooperate with your requests. Try to remember that you don't want him to do the right thing because he's afraid not to. You want him to do the right thing because he wants to. Children love to please, so compliments and encouragement will go a long way toward getting yours to comply with your wishes. ("Zach, thank you so much for fixing your own breakfast" or "Wow, you really are growing up, aren't you?")

You might also give your child an incentive for doing what you ask: "When you put the puzzle pieces back in the box, we can go shoot some hoops." (Hint: Don't say "If you put the puzzle pieces in the box.") A child this age may also get a kick out of having a written contract that states: Sam will hang up his towel and put his clothes in the hamper every time he takes a shower. When he has done this for seven days in a row, Mom will take him swimming with a friend. Sign it, let him colour it or add computer graphics, and then post the contract where he can see it. He'll not only feel included in the process, your child will appreciate the level of responsibility the contract bestows on him.

Use alternatives to "no." If your child ignores you when you tell him no, maybe it's because he hears it too often. Try other approaches to the N-word. Rather than barking, "No! Don't kick the ball in the kitchen," for instance, say, "Please go play ball in the yard." And instead of saying, "No, you can't have a piece of candy now," tell him, "You can pick something from the fruit bowl," or "You can have some dessert after lunch." When you give a child a choice, you're giving him a chance to assert himself in an acceptable way.

Say yes instead of no whenever you can, too, and take every opportunity to encourage rather than dissuade him. If he's excited about the idea of painting his own room, for instance, respond by saying, "Sure, you can try!" or "Daddy will help you" — which both sound a lot more positive than "I don't think so."

Naturally, there will be plenty of times when you have to be firm about stopping him from eating sweets before dinner or playing computer games 'til midnight. The point is, choose your battles and put your foot down only when you must. If you provide an environment that's both safe and stimulating (the YMCA as opposed to Grandma's china-filled living room, for instance), your youngster can exercise his independence with few holds barred.

Try to be understanding. Imagine you're reading a novel or chatting with a friend when, all of a sudden, you're ordered to stop what you're doing because something else has to be done right now. The reality is that we don't always have time to cajole our kids into the car or beg them to get ready for school. But whenever possible, it really helps to give your youngster notice before you rush him into the next activity or errand: "We're leaving in ten minutes, honey, so finish up." If your child is like most, he still won't be thrilled about having to wrap up a baseball game or leave a party, but at least he's had fair warning that it's time to switch gears.

If your child seems to ignore you more often than he listens, talk to his pediatrician about the problem. The doctor may recommend a hearing test or other developmental evaluations.

Hang in there!  Best wishes, Rick

Answer 4

Because of poor parenting techniques on your part. Let the little tyke know who's boss. Use your size advantage, and take control of the situation

Answer 5

You obviously have your child's best interests at heart. Let your child know that. If your child perceives your commands as just arbitrary rules, then he or she is going to be much more likely to ignore them than if you make it clear that there is a good reason. Don't just assume he or she won't understand. Children can surprise you and even if your child doesn't understand or agree you will at least not look like a tyrant to your child. Your child will begin to understand that rules are there for a reason, that we don't make rules just to make rules. This is a very important step in your child's growing understanding the world.

Also, articulating what your reasons are for your making rules/giving orders will help prevent you from making unreasonable rules. We all do this sometimes as parents. Sometimes we will command something without thinking, even out of spite. Having children is not all fun and games, as you clearly know, and it is very easy to lose one's temper and do something immature.

In short, you want your child to respect you, and nobody respects pointless rules. I'm sure your rules are not pointless, but if you don't say why they aren't pointless, then they will likely appear pointless.

Answer 6

Because he is a HE and a kid, I am afraid!

Answer 7

My brother and I used to do this all the time when we were little, it was always "in a minute!" and then it never happened and it drove my mother crazy.  You just have to interupt whatever they are doing and say "no, now! or (whatever consiquence you want)."  You could threaten to take away his game for a week, or no tv, things like that and you should have a consiquence every time.  Say if I have to ask you more than 2 times this will happen.  It should work, good luck.

Answer 8

its because u dont do nothing so he keps on doing it because he got away with it the first time

Answer 9

Selective hearing - It's a male thing

Answer 10

Because he's brain is learning decisions.Do you do first time

when asked?

Answer 11

Probably because you do not set serious enough consequences for him not doing so.

I taught my boys very young that when I asked them to do something they were to jump to it straight away - if they didn't there were consequences so they soon learnt to do as I asked immediately rather than try to argue or hold off and be punished before having to do it anyhow.

Answer 12

i think we all do that hoping they will do it themselves

Answer 13

because we would rather watch tv

Answer 14

Because you don't expect him to do as he is asked first time.

He's learned that you'll ask him again and again before you get angry enough that he is compelled to obey.

Answer 15

Because he's a kid.  That's what kids do; or in your case, what they don't do

Answer 16

hes a boy i have one like that but ilet him lnow that hes not going to watch his favorite show then he will listen good luck

Answer 17

because he'z a boy=little kids @ that age are hard headed=it'z not ur parental skills it's just they r growing up= we were like that when we were kids our selves,but he'll listne sooner or later!!!=)

Answer 18

Because he doesn't have to!  It's as simple as that.  =]

When we're faced with an unpleasant task, it's only natural to avoid it.  A little voice says, "Maybe I won't have to do it after all!"  So we put it off until we have some sort of deadline, or if we know there will be bad consequences if we don't get it done.  That's why the post office stays open late on April 15; because everyone waits till the last minute to file their taxes.

Your son is just a normal human being.  He thinks, "Why do it now, when I can do it later and not suffer any consequences?"  Okay, so maybe he'll get yelled at a bit if you have to ask him twice; but in his eyes, a scolding or minor punishment isn't as bad as the job itself.  So it's worth the risk of not doing it.

If you want him to do something the first time he's asked, he needs to know - and truly believe - that the consequences for not doing it will be more unpleasant than the job itself.  

When you give him a directive, make sure he knows exactly  when it needs to be done, and that he'll be sorry if he doesn't do it.  

Try giving him deadlines:

"Please put your clothes away before dinner."

"Please take the garbage out before you leave."

"I'd like your room to be cleaned up by Saturday morning."

And if the job isn't done when expected, don't just get angry and ask him again... and again... and again...  make him do it, and make him wish he'd done it the first time!  Give him a punishment that he'll want to avoid next time!

If you're consistant about it, he'll eventually figure out that you're serious about wanting things done the first time you ask.

Answer 19

lol i know what you mean it is so annoying mine always say yeah in a minute but that's the way kids are now when they ask me for something now  i always say yeah in a minute and there the 1st to   moan as they want me to do things straight away  do what i do now and make them wait when they want something it will soon get on there nerves x

Answer 20

Simply because he's a kid.Heck, my hubby is 39 and I can't get him to do what I want the first time I ask, LOL!