Why does race matter to some in adoption?

Question

Ok i was the one who's boyfriend left and went back to Austrlia and i am confused on what to do with my baby. I was going to keep him until he left and now i am not sure. I created a new account and delted the last question with no answer because i was recieving solicitation for my baby. I did not want to send emails to their private emails with my private email address. Well i am black and Puerto Rican and the father is white. As soon as i revealed this the correspondence on some just stoped. I am still talking to one family. I know i should know better but i seem to like them. I let them all know that i am just exploring options and have not made up my mind yet though. So my questions is i am healthy go to allmy appointments and as far as i know so is the baby. Why does my race matter why did they stop once they found out

Answer 1

Because some people who go trolling the internet for babies are not the best people.

Answer 2

Because the people who are trolling for babies are often not your typical adoptive family and want a Caucasian baby only.  Be careful.  Maybe they cannot qualify to adopt through the appropriate means.  The benefit of going through licensed adoption agency -- is that the families who are approved have been counseled, educated, references verified, a homestudy done, etc., etc., and are seeking to adopt children of ALL RACES!

If you need a referral to a good agency in your area, let me know, or go to abcadoptions.com, or adoption.org.  I am a licensed Social Worker who has worked for 20 years in adoptions.  Good luck to you!

Answer 3

Aside from everyone who seems to thing they want one "of their own" think of this:

Most people who adopt are white. What kind of questions and insecurities would you have growing up being black in a white nouse/neighborhood. I tend to think its nicer to the kid to keep the races close.  As for the "of their own" people, look at Angelina.. I bet she'd pull a Mr & Mrs Smith on your bum if you tried to tell her that her kids werent her "own"...

I am half black and white with a Dominican husband. You're baby would look great in my house ;)

Good luck...

Answer 4

most people who adopt are white. they want thier kids too look like them, not like someone else, the real mother.

they dont want a remider they have adopted a kid.

Answer 5

Some parents want their child to look like them.

I am not saying that is right, I ma just saying that is the likely reason.

Answer 6

Society looks down on white people who adopt children of color. There are plenty of people out there who want your child no matter the color.

Answer 7

People have to feel comfortable about the adoption situation.  Some people are not comfortable adopting outside of their race.  It might be hard for people to say that this is not the situation they are looking for, so they might not say anything at all.

If you are interested in placing your child for adoption a much better way to find an adoptive family is to contact an adoption agency, adoption lawyer or view various parent profile websites.  The agency or lawyer will only present families that are open to your baby's race or anything else specific to your situation.  You can also express your preferences on the type of family you want to choose (i.e. parent's age/race, whether they have children or not, whether they will be a SAHM or not, amount of contact after the adoption, etc.).  On parent profile websites you can search for families by their preferences and browse many family profiles.

The family you are talking to might be perfect, and that is OK too.

Good luck with your adoption plan.

Answer 8

oh honey.. we can talk about this one off-board if you'd like.

here's the deal: we live in a culture built on racism.  as such, black/bi-racial babies are usually not wanted, unless there's a minority or white family open to adopting a black baby waiting.

many posters gave you very antiseptic answers about "people wanting babies who look like them." yet, the underlying issues are that many are simply not comfortable with adoption black or bi-racial children. some say, "what would the neighbors say?"  "what about school?"  "how will s/he fit in?"  and on and on... IOW adoption--to many-- is supposed to be "the same as if" a woman gave birth. and it's hard to explain a black or bi-racial baby parented by a white couple. now, don't get me wrong, there are some who do an excellent job with inter-racial adoption; but they are truly not the norm.

my best advice: find everyway in your heart to keep your baby.  black/bi-racial babies do not do well in the adoption world. most are not placed, and end up in foster care.  many are adopted by non-black couples, many who are clueless about the social issues black and bi-racial children face. many are viewed as "hard to place" or "special needs" by the adoption community, and "sold" at a discounted price. and...open adoption is not all it's cracked up to be. there's also an underlying assumption that most black women will have sick or drug addicted babies. hence, many simply veer away.

ps. these people did you a favor... and i'd really suggest that you not ask people to adopt your child over the internet. their are some real crazies out there. and your child deserves better.

ETA: i replied to your email. i hope my comments were helpful.

Answer 9

that is really sad. I'm white, and have thought about adopting, but I've never really thought about what race I'd want to adopt, I just wanted to adopt a baby no matter what color! So, I just want you to know that not all people are like that. But good luck to you whatever decision you make! God Bless!!

Answer 10

Many people who adopt a child say that they want a child who looks like them. However, if I were to adopt a white child and I am white myself, it's very likely the child will not look like me at all. Just because someone has light skin doesn't mean that person looks like me. Most people seeking to adopt white children don't specify physical characteristics such as hair color, eye color, facial features, height, weight, or body type. They just get what they can. I'm a tall person and if I adopted a child who is short, there's no way people will believe he or she is mine.

Answer 11

That's a tough question to answer.  In your case, it could very well be that the families looking to adopt your child have race as a "dealbreaker."  That isn't the majority of adoptive parents however, look around at all the diverse families!  We're everywhere!

That said, adopting transracially does include its own unique challenges.  Adoptive parents need to look at that very seriously and honestly.  Children adopted transracially will have a different experience than their Caucasian parents will.(assuming the latter, of course!  There are lots of transracial familes where the parents aren't Caucasian!)  We put a good deal of thought into our decision and made the commitments to address racial/cultural identity as much as possible with our children.  But it is a commitment and if some adoptive parents don't feel they are able and willing to do so, then maybe adopting transracially isn't for them.

And this includes the community where the child will grow up as well as the family support.  It would be harder to foster that sense of racial/ethnic/cultural pride where there are no rolemodels for the children.  That's a factor to be considered.

Good luck!

Answer 12

Your race does not matter Cindy. Unfortunately many people are misguided in this world and believe that race does matter.  A person might not want a nonwhite child because they don’t want awkward questions when they are out and about. Since people are often nosey . Their family might not be accepting of a non white child. Don’t feel bad that these people turned you down once they found out your race, this is a clear sign that they would not be the right parents for your baby.  

I would not even recommend advertise on the web, you need to research agencies and find a reputable one and go through them to find PAP for your child.  I'm sure there would be many people who are open minded who would be willing to adopt your child. If i ever adopt one day i plan to only adopted kids that are mixed raced, mixture is not important to be whether they are mulatto, Eurasian, Blasian, etc

Answer 13

Because there are a lot of bigoted, narrow-minded people out there. I'm glad they stopped talking to you because I would never want my child to grow up with people who were bothered by the colour of her skin. Very good luck to you.

Answer 14

I think some people want to have a baby that will "look like it could be their own"... which is silly, if you want my opinion --I'd like very much to adopt (have 3 babies on my own and adopt the fourth) but I'd do it to help (save) a little one and bring a little ethnicity in the family... But I'm weird so heh ;)

Answer 15

well all i know is that there are some very strange people in this world and if they can not except who you are then they don't deserve a child because all people and children need love no matter the color or nationally they are.i am looking to adopt and it does not matter to me where they come from or what they look like.

Answer 16

I'm so sorry you got targeted by the vultures, that sucks

Look on the bright side, at least the worst predators were weeded out when they decided your baby wasn't what they were shopping for

Take care of yourself and your baby.  I hope you find a way to stay together.  If not, please be very careful about who you correspond with over the internet, it's not the safest way to find a home for your child.

Answer 17

Most parents who adopt want their kid to look like them.

whether its because they dont want to be asked why they don't look alike,

or because they want a 'normal' family.

Answer 18

bc people usually want a white baby.  it makes it look as if it's their own kid.

please don't fall into the "open adoption" trap.  it never lasts and it is NOT enforceable by law.

Answer 19

Some people are more prepared to raise a child of another race than others are.  Its a big decision - and one that you have to make in the best interest of the child.  How will a child of another race be accepted by friends and extended family?  If you knew that a child of another race would not be accepted by family members - would it be fair to that child to adopt him/her anyway versus the chance for that child to go to another home where race is not an issue.

Answer 20

You can ask that question until you are blue in the face, and you'll never get a satisfactory answer.  Just be glad that you found this out BEFORE placing your child in their greedy hands.  

Explore your options.  But think long and hard about your decision.