Why does she think I'm so similar to her ex-boyfriend?

Question

I have far too many questions but I don't have good enough friends to be able to talk about this stuff. Plus, I like to think of this place as a non-judgmental environment.

Anyway, I fall in love unconditionally with a girl I met last year, we become very good freinds but I want her. I tell her that a few months later, she says she doesn't feel the same way, starts dating a (former) good friend of mine almost immediately afterwards, breaks my heart completely leaving me an obsessive wreck of a man. But that's not my point.

My point here is that I asked her "Why do you love him (her current boyfriend) more than me?" and she answered "I'm sorry but you have far too many similarities to my ex-boyfriend."

Now, I've met the guy. I actually did go a date with this girl and she was going to meet him at where we were going to, which was the city. And granted I only knew for an hour, the way he acted and everything I heard about him shows he's the complete opposite of me.

Here we had a guy who, after being kicked out of his house, now had nowhere to live and was going around to certain shops he had put down deposits on to see if he can refund them so he can some money to live on.

And me, well, I'm a nice, sensible guy with an acerbic, cynical and intelligent sense of humor who prefers his own company to others and loves to talk about anything, really.

Look, I'm not trying to degrade the guy by exaggerating details, that's was what actually happened but I should state she was completely obsessed with this guy and loved him more than life itself but he used to cheat on her all the time.

Still, her current lover is getting none of this treatment and he's no different from me or any of my other friends. I feel she's singling me out on this because I know I'm not that guy and I know what that type of guy is because my best friend acts like that as well. But she won't listen to reason, she keeps thinking the same way.

Listen, I don't know how girls think, I never spent any time with them beforehand but I always get so frustrated thinking to myself "Where the h**l do you get off by saying that? I'm not that guy and you ******* know it". I'm sorry if I was rambling but I still love her and hate myself for that.

Answer 1

Why are you obsessing over what she said?  You put a girl on the spot asking her "why do love him more than me?"  Instead of flat out telling you she does not feel that way for you she gave you and excuse hoping you would take it and move on . . . but instead you want to prove her wrong.

Would it have made you feel better if she told you she thinks of you more like a brother than a boyfriend?  It's much easier to deflect an answer than give you the honest truth.  If she was interested in you she would have told you.

Answer 2

She just like you as a friend and she told you that she don't love you.She is try to compare you to her ex because she is trying not to hurt your feelings.I have a friend who is in love with me.I love him as a friend only.If the attraction ain't there don't try to force it.You will get your heart broken every time.She might just like to hang out as friends.