Why does the majority think home schooling = unsocialized children ?

Question

Popular culture has given Dr Phil the "right" to stack his audience and show home schooling in a negative way based on socialization. And then I read posts on here from home schoolers that say "my life sucks because I was home schooled and have no friends and have no social skills." Yes I have met some of those people and in each case the same thing, a complete lack of drive and determination by the person and/or their parents to seek out programs that are available to them. So is it truly the fault of home schooling or a failure within the individuals themselves ?

Answer 1

i think overall it is completely NOT true!!! i went to public school for 5 years(popular) and then was homeschooled for 2 years(had a lot of friends) and then went to public middle school(reached highest social status extremely popular) and now im homeschooled in 8th grade and i still have a lot of friends!

the majority of homeschool friends i have are very outgoing and fun to be around, but at first they might seem shy because they are very polite and well mannered but once you get to know them they are crazy fun to be around!

yes, some homeschoolers can be reclussive but there can be medical reasons such as panic disorder! but again even if they seem reclusive once you get to know them they can be very socialble people! hope this helps! :)

Answer 2

I'm home schooled and my social life is better than what it was when I was in a traditional school. I wasn't exactly popular and people loved to pick on me. Now I'm involved in activities with people who have the same interests as me. I'm in an orchestra, I'm taking aerobics at a community gym, I hang out with school friends on the weekends, and I have plenty of opportunities to participate in even more activities if I wanted to. I'm happier with less friends than I was with a lot of people who just "knew" me. So yes, it is all individual. It's up to that person to get out there and meet people and participate in activities. And if a homeschool-er doesn't want to be social, than that's up to them. Just because others don't think it's acceptable doesn't mean that person isn't perfectly content with their social life, or lack ther of.

Answer 3

Public School has scarred me for life with bullying and just generally not fitting in.  My sons went to state school until they suffered the same fate.  My sons are home schooled and have a very goog social life attending local groups and clubs.  Its up to the individuals circumstances.  Only 2 of my 3 sons are home schooled.

Answer 4

If "Rev. Evil" put half as much effort in being "social" as he does bashing home schooling he may have a chance in life.  It truly is all about how much effort you are willing to put into it.  There are so many more opportunities for socialization with home schooling than with public school, but you have to be willing  to make the effort.  Any given night at my house you will find many kids of all different ages and back rounds in my house.  My son is always doing something.  What Rev Evil needs to learn is to have a friend you have to be a friend.

Answer 5

Unless you know me (People who might share my view), don't talk about my lack of drive, or determination.

I've tried (Trying) probably harder than anyone here.

And some people will view it differently, but it IS the fault of homeschooling....

And I find it so funny how people seem always mention church on here, I wish I wasn't so pathetic, and alone that I didn't have to go somewhere just to be social in something I don't believe in....

And trying to make friends (At least where I live) while being homeschooled, is horrible....Nobody cares! You never see them, have nothing in common. After awhile you lose people skills.

And I've done all those, clubs, and programs, youth groups and stuff....God, I think to myself when I leave how there's no point, and how hopeless and alone I am....

So, from my point of view (Because TRUST ME, I've put my 2 cents in to make a difference, and try) it is homeschooling.

=/

Edit: True....But I would at least see people on a daily basis, and at least have some interaction with people, DAILY! One problem with me, is I never see people....I'd like to be able to build up relationships with people on a day to day basis, but being homeschooled that's not possible....I'm a very outgoing social person, but being homeschooled there's no point....Again nobody cares when you're homeschooled, you never see them, not to mention they have friends they see EVERY DAY. But along with being homeschooled, and losing those simple day to day things, I've lost alot of people skills that keep me from doing that, realizing that people are human, lol....

And also, what you mentioned "compatibility" is a big part, and being homeschooled, I have nothing in common with them, nothing to talk about with them, how does that help build up relationships with people?

Edit 2: I think what "miss mara" needs to learn is to have and be a friend you have to have someone who wants to be a friend back....But again, maybe it's just me, and the city I live in....Frankly, nobody cares, and I have nothing in common with people. People have their own friends they always see, and I'm just someone they see maybe once a week for a few hours (E.g. At a youth group, ect.) and say "Hello how are you?" Leave and probably don't take another thought about me....It's just the way it is, and I've put the effort in to making friends with them, and hang out on the weekends, Ect. They never want to, because they ALWAYS have their own friends (From school) they're always with....

So it's better just to accept the fact I'm alone rather than be naive and think everythings fine like I used to, when I know it's not....

Edit 3: Well, I live in California, so I don't live far away from people, lol....

And I don't lie with my parents, I live with family friends, so I'm basically on my own with alot of things....

And I'm also and Actor, and that's the reason why I'm/was homeschooled. The only reason why I'm homeschooled now is because I feel I've lost so much in people skills, and I really don't think I could adjust especially if I only have 2 years left, there's simply no point in going back opinion, I just never should have done it in the first place....

Edit 4: And to "Glurpy" yes I have bad parents, and I don't see them anymore....I live with family friends, (Honestly they were my family all along) I wouldn't say I've had a dysfunctional home life, maybe when I was young but not now....And also you were close, I live about an hour and a half outside LA. =) And where I live there aren't that many homeschoolers. And yes, I don't "Plan" on going back because I see no point in doing something that I don't think I could adjust to after all this time....

Edit 5: To "Homeschooled and Loving it" I know homeschooling can be a wonderful thing, but I just beg to differ....I just see another side of it, and I would like to tell others about it so they can realize (Because it seems most of the people that answer in this section are "Pro" homeschool) So I would like to share with people the fact that it's not as wonderful as what people say. And I don't think and wait people should just come to me, trust me....I've tried.

Edit 6: To "violin_duchess86", well by seeing people every day, I meant at work, not to necessarily "hang out with them" like after work and stuff. And I know people don't go to church to socialize, I go now because I feel I've gotten to deep into my church and am involved to much (I'm going to recieve all my sacraments next year, I'm Catholic) to leave for something I don't really believe in....

Answer 6

I absolutely hate hearing the "Unsocialized" flawed excuse from people.

What about the kids who are in public or private school and yet have no friends? Is it the schools fault for not providing them with the "right" groups of people to socialize with? I think not.

There are so many ways of socializing and school should not be one of them. Most teacher's will tell the kids to stop socializing in class and to do it on their own time. School is for learning anyway.

Why not join the YMC for sports, or dance, or bookclub/reading club(available at most book stores), there are a ton of things to get involved in, if you really want to be social.

I believe the bigger issue is that schools have become nothing more than a place for socializing. This issue has gotten us higher teen pregnancy rates, higher drop-out rates, higher STD's rates, lower test scores, lower curriculum standards and higher crime rates. All socializing is not good socializing. The majority of the socializing done in schools has a negative effect on kids. Children feel like they have to dress/act/look a certain way to fit into a group. They do stupid things to be accepted by others. For the most part, homeschoolers are seen as "weird" because they stand on their own and act as themselves. This seems weird to the public school "norm" of dressing and acting to please others.

I know that all homeschoolers are not perfect, but neither are public/private school children/families. If you compare the rates of the statistics above of public/private school children verses homeschoolers, you will be surprised.

To directly answer your question, if someone wants to make friends, they will! If they set out to use the excuse of homeschooling to never make friends then, they will! If someone decides to hate homeschooling and blame every negative aspect of their life to it, they will! You nor I can stop them. I believe many people try and cover up their failures/lack of drive with whatever is part of their lives at the moment that they do not agree with/like!!

Where there is a will, there is a way!!

Answer 7

The kids who want to be homeschooled are usually the more intellectual ones who are not social.

To an extent being social means putting up with peoples' stupidity and smart kids just aren't willing to do that.

Answer 8

I chose to home school my daughter b/c she was too social. I allow her to go to summer school and she plays softball for the local high school. We also go to church, so she gets many opportunities to interact with others. The other kids are actually a bit jealous or her situation.

Answer 9

I work in the public school.    My son learns at home.  

People are people.   We aren't all alike.

My son was social in school and is social now.

The only difference is that the learning and the socialization is not being done at same time.    He has more time for a social life instead of trying to fit that into a classroom setting...which kept him in trouble in public school.

Answer 10

My goal is to have CIVILIZED not SOCIALIZED children, who will some day be civilized adults who can interact with others appropriately, and have meaningful friendships. Are they socialized? NO!I do not want my kids to act like many in the public schools.  Do they get out and do many things with other people? YES! Some would call that being socialized, I call that developing relationships.

Answer 11

I was home schooled and I am extremely social!  I am very out going, love to meet new people, and have always had lots of friends!

My mom home schooled my brother and I and made a real effort to get us involved in extra curricular activities.  I was in orchestra and chamber music from the age of 9 and up, I was in choir, drama, and had lots of opportunities to volunteer at a young age.  I took classes at other schools (both private schools and one class at the public high school), and we even had home school groups.  You are right--the resources are out there.  Nowadays they even have "charter home schools", where students can sign up for classes they want, when they want them and go to the school to take them....kind of like college!

So is the definition of "social" being forced to interact with peers the same age as me, isolated in a class room, AWAY from the real world in a class???  (and by the way, how is being shut up in a building for 6 hours a day being called the "real world"?)  If anything, I was more social than other students because I was able to interact with people of all ages and I was always noticed to be more mature than others my own age.  I learned to be comfortable with all kinds of peoples, ages, and settings.  If anything, I am TOO social!  :)

I think there isn't a flaw with home schooling in itself--it can be with the individuals themselves.  Home schooling can be a good thing!

Answer 12

I believe there are two reasons behind this myth.

The first reason is that the NEA and the state teacher unions have a huge amount to lose every time a child is removed from the public school system.  They have therefore mounted a very frightening public brainwashing campaign designed to convince parents that being trapped in a classroom with a credentialed teacher is the only way for a child to learn - anything.  Including, of course, socialization.

The second reason is that the type of socialization schools do turns out a specific type of socialized individual, one who is interested in competition, grades, pleasing authority, winning popularity contests, and so on.  Homeschool kids have a different form of socialization, so yes, they do appear "different" from their schooled peers.  Differences are frightening.

Answer 13

I think the "socialization" that kids get from going to school is not a good thing mostly.  They are getting to socialize with kids who are getting them into trouble!  My kids are homeschooled, and couldn't be busier!  We are involved in sports, church, choir, and the local rec department.

Answer 14

It is not the fault of homeschooling. It's what you do with the homeschooling.

Extremely hard to meet people without going to school? I'm not sure about that. But it's almost beside the point. Just how many people does a person need to meet? Did humanity suffer for thousands and thousands of years because kids didn't go to school to meet people? Why in the world should we have to be surrounded by 30 kids the same age each day and in schools of, at the high school level, with over 1000 students??? The lack of truly rational thinking here is clear.

Although, honestly, my kids have probably met more people and a diverse range of people through homeschooling than they would have in school. In school, they would have been more or less with the same kids year after year. Through homeschooling, they meet a variety of kids all the time. This isn't counting the community activities they do.

In terms of Confused, his real problem was never homeschooling but his dysfunctional family choosing to homeschool (he has in other answers shared his family problems and his depression). There is a difference. He is probably right: with a dysfunctional family such as his, he probably should have stayed in school. (But again, that's not homeschooling's fault but the dysfunctional family's fault because they aren't able to homeschool in a decent way.) The key for him now is to get proper help for his issues and to change his life for the future. He refuses to go to school because he doesn't see the point now--again, a classic sign of depression with its full focus on the self and expected negative outcomes. He has the chance NOW to spend 2 years in school and slowly work up the social skills he feels he's lost, to act and fake it if need be, but he won't. While choosing to homeschool was probably a mistake in the first place, he's just letting himself stay stuck. I suspect he's in LA and still says there's no hope for him to have friends, but I've known people who very happily homeschooled in LA, were constantly busy with other homeschoolers and had no social problems. It almost sounds as though his big focus is trying to have non-homeschooling friends when perhaps his focus should be elsewhere.

Answer 15

It's not the individual's fault.

It's extremely hard to meet people without going to school. You say they have no "drive" to make friends, but I say they have no opportunity.

Answer 16

You have to define socialization.  I dislike that word when connected to home schooling because I think of the definition that means, "to train a child to be a socialist."  In that case, I suppose most home schooled children are not socialized at all.  ;)  If you mean teaching social skills, it is far easier to find children lacking in social graces who attend public schools. Simply walk into any public junior high school and see if you can spot any students who appear "properly" socialized.  Then walk into even a charter school or home school co-op of students the same age.  Shouldn't they be fairly good at "socializing" by age 14?  You can blame it on the age only until you compare the general populus of varied home schooled students.  Age segragation in public schools creates an unnatural effect kin to gang-mentality.  Children prey on the weak ones.  Is this effecting good training opportunities for proper social conduct?  Of course it is not!    The natural atmosphere of home schooling mimics that of the real world, in which people are not segrated by age.  When compared by fair and broad statistics, home schooled children have always ranked above children attending conventional (this includes even private schools, by the way) school when it comes to self-assessments and other issues directly linked to how a child interects socially with other children.  When we sight odd instantances of social deprivation in home-schooled children and form opinions based on these, we can come up with wonderful tales to scare others away from the best choice available, statsitically, for guiding all children to become even-keeled, kind, socially adept young adult.  Home schooling wins, hands down, in this area, no matter what Dr. Phil (who also bashes anyone who uses the bible as a guide for decision-making) or others may try to stir up fear and disdain out of their bags of superstitions and political agendas.  Let's face it, homeschooling remains the best choice for all children, because it can be made to conform to the needs of any child.  It is not, however, for every parent.  A child in public school can become just as anti-social as the proverbial, yet generally non-existant child kept in a closet yet declared as a home schooler.  Whether taught conventionally or taught at home, a PARENT must still take charge of the complete well-fare of the child; this includes his social training.  The bottom line is that the statics speak for themselves!  We simply can't blame the act of teaching children from home for social ineptitudes on such a low scale.  We would then be forced to compare the amount of socially inept public school students, and, I fear, the results would make even dear Dr. Phil tremble, were he to dare to read them.

Answer 17

I think when many people think of unsocialized homeschoolers they are thinking of the churchy, long skirts, religious fundamentalist, quiet people.  I grew up in that environment and those kids are not unsocialized.  Sure they may seem quiet and shy in public, but that is because they are taught to be respectful and to always think of their reputation/testimony.  I know as a kid I was expected to speak to adults like an adult, act like an adult around adults, and to think before I spoke/acted in general.  Are these bad things to teach children?  Defintiely not.  I think these values need to be taught more often.  These kids (and remember, I was one of them) are not snobs, shy, depressed, or socially challenged.  They are simply respectful.  Of course there are always exceptions, but they are the minority.  If you take these quiet, respectful kids and stick em in a room together, trust me, the room will not be quiet for long!  

I know exactly what you mean when you talk about lack of drive and determination.  I remember friends who would constantly complain that they had nothing to do, and then sit at home all day.  Well, duh!  I would have some things to do  if I stayed at home all day, but overall I would be bored to death!  I don't think this was homeschooling's fault.  They were used to just staying at school and doing things, that when they actually had to plan activities themselves, they were at a complete loss!  They did not know what they liked, they did not know how to get involved, and they did not have the drive to push themselves.  I'm sorry to say, it was pathetic.  They were defintelt just acting the way the school system had taught them too, follow orders, and don't think outside the box.

EDIT: Confused, (This must be my day to pick a bone with you ;) ) please do not assume people go to church to socialize.  I go to church because I truly believe what they are saying.  And it is nice to socialize with other people who believe the same things I do.  

Why don't you find some homeschool friends to hang out with?  You complain because public schoolers  always 'have their own friends from school" . Why not make your own freinds who don't have friends from school?  

You live with friends and you are complaining that you don't have any freinds?  Sheesh, I don't have many friends I like enough to live with.

And lastly, promise I'm almost done, what the heck do you think is going to happen when you grow up and enter the real world?!  You are not going to see your freinds every freakin day!  Maybe work freinds, but trust me, you don't want to hang out with the same people you work with all day long.  Although you're an actor, so maybe it's different for you.

Answer 18

i think we all hv our own opinion about this....i think homeschooling does isolate a child from the society in general...we tend to create this safe zone for our children n the bad effect of that is gonna be when they grow up n wouldn't want to go out n work coz they are so used to living in this comfort zone....it might work for some people but it doesn't work for all.

Answer 19

I agree with your assessment of our "popular culture" and some of the posts here.  I personally know young people who have been home schooled, and they have as many opportunities to meet people and socialize as anybody in school.  Just like the kids in school, some are more outgoing than others, and just cramming them into some big buildings with hundreds of other kids their age does NOT give them the opportunity to socialize.  Shyness doesn't go away in crowds.  It goes away through the socializing and maturing of the individuals, and "Doktorr" Phil is one prime example of a most "politically correct" "professional".  God Bless you.

Answer 20

I wish they would shut up before they were properly homeschooled and had proper social activities!!! I mean in Public school There is NO socilization! They can talk in the halls and lunch and recess but otherwise No talking! and they are Always with the same age kids! I am homeschooled and I interact with all ages and I am good at that! So people who talk about unsocialized homeschoolers should step down and take a look and think about if they are getting socialized!

EDIT": Confused your life is NOT homeschooling your one person that thinks he knows all about homeschool! No No No it is not true maybe it is cause you are not kind or you just want people to come to you but anyway you have No knowledge of what socilization great homeschooling can do to you! You don't!

Answer 21

Honestly, many people equate childhood to school and when people see others not going with what is considered the "end all be all of childhood experience" they jump to the wrong conclusion.

Although the majority feels that home schooling equals unsocialized children, the "majority" have never met a single home schooler and they are basing their opinions on what teachers and other so-called "experts", i.e., Dr. Dimwit MacGraw, have to say.  The minority of naysayers have met a few home schoolers and, unfortunately, they have been religious zealouts or on the opposite end of the spectrum...parents who do absolutely nothing with or for their children.  When those are the cases, they make a broad sweeping negative generalization of the rest the home school community.

Aside from our once weekly home school group meet-up, our children are thriving and choose NOT to participate in sports, clubs, etc.  Their social skills are always complimented on by friends, family, and strangers.  When we meet new people or are camping, our children do not stand in the corner shaking with fear because they do not know how to interact with peers or other children.  Both are friendly with neighbors, they visit an elderly man up the road who looks forward to their visits, and get along with schooled and home schooled children.  They see their friends a couple of times a week and they have neighborhood kids to play with as well.

When parents involve their children in daily life activities, social skills are a natural by-product, IOW, they do not need to be taught to socialize nor do they have to be in umpteen programs to ensure they are socializing enough, KWIM?  If our children *needed*  or *wanted* more friends to socialize with we'd meet that need.  However, ours are fine with a couple of good friends.  Funny, when children can entertain themselves and not rely on a ton of organized fun...they become self-reliant and happy in and of themselves.  :-)

Answer 22

Sorry, there are a million other ways to socialize other than going to school. I'm not going to waste my time naming them, I'm sure that some of the socialized non-homeschoolers can come up with a few. Being as socialized as they are, of course.