Why doesn't he call the kids?

Question

My husband of 18+ years left rather quickly after starting an affair on line with his high school girlfriend and moved 1000 miles away (2 weeks ago). He said the most important thing in his life was his two daughters ( I disagreed and told him so). He has spoken to them once since leaving and of the 1 1/2 months he was here before moving, he only had them one weekend before he left permanently. On that weekend he told the girls he would call them every night. My 8 year old called him a liar (I did not know that he said he would call them daily, until they let it slip out a couple days ago). Sooo, why doesn't he call???

Incidentially, he was very involved with both daughters all their lives, coaching, committees, field trip chaperone, you name it,he did it.

Answer 1

Maybe he feels guilty and ashamed?

Answer 2

Hmm all throughout my divorce I fought with my x to keep contact with my daughter. Now it has settled but I always every day even from Iraq call to talk to my daughter.

Answer 3

It's guilt. My husband has a daughter from a previous marriage. It's huge palpable guilt. You would think calling would help alleviate the guilt. I don't understand it completely, I just know it's guilt.

Answer 4

He's selfish.  

Answer 5

It's obvious the most important thing in his life right now is his new girlfriend.  He's too busy with her to pick up the phone.  Maybe she doesn't like the idea of him calling back home and he doesn't call to keep her happy.

This is a very sad situation for your girls.  I hope their daddy comes around and realizes what he's missing out on.  Sounds like a big jerk.

Answer 6

he left and doesn't call because he is thinking with the head BELOW  his belt. hopefully one day he will wake up and it wont be too late. your daughters may not want him back in their lives, and this will the the price he pays for thinking with the wrong head. he is a selfish moron going thru mid-life crisis.

Answer 7

Right now he is focusing on his life and feels that this is the time to do what he wants to do. Too bad that he has forgotten about them and does not realize how much all this hurts them. But he will contact them soon, just give him a little more time it is like a middle age crisis thing, he has os much time and liberty to do what he wants that he feels that contacting his daughters is reminding himn of that responsabilty he has a father, ex husband, etc. He just wants to enjoy the moment while it last.

Just make sure your daughters know that he loves them and he is going through a tough time and soon he will contact them.