Why doesn't my husband get it???

Question

We are leaving today to drive 6 hours to go to the grandparents houses and not coming back until monday. I have been busy trying to pack for my 3 1/2 yr old, my seven week old, and myself. Last night my hubby comes home and starts telling me stuff that he needs to do. Then he asks me what's for dinner. Now I realize I stay home but I had to run tons of errands, get me and the kids packed, do laundry so we could pack, get garbage ready to go out early (we have a ton this week), and then when he got home I needed to mow. I told him I didn't know what was for dinner but I was sure he could figure it out (he ordered pizza). Now this morning before he left for work he asked if I was going to pack for him. I told him that I had enough other stuff to do that he could be a big boy and pack himself. Do husbands just not get what is involved with taking a trip? Does anyone else have this problem?

Answer 1

If I were you then I would ask him and start telling him in advance what we need to do in order to go to any trip or any other house chores..sometimes we have to discuss about our trips and plans in advance with clear way and decide who is going to what and not. so that way both person could understands actual situation.frequent communications is necessary if you want to run your life properly.

Answer 2

I won't pack him a bag, and put all the wrong stuff in it .. you know like if your going somewhere warm .. really thick wooy jumpers ..

Things that are too small.

Things he doesn't like ect. ...

or a bunch of toys ..

if he wants to act like a child, treat him like one

Answer 3

Yes, my husband is like that!  When we went away for a few weeks in May, I spent over three days packing and getting everything else ready.  I did offer to pack for him, but he told me not to because I apparently never pack what he wants to bring.  So about 15 minutes before we left, he asked what I had packed for him.  I guess he just assumed I could read his mind and could tell that he had decided to let me pack for him.  Needless to say, I flipped out.  Then he nonchalantly told me it was no big deal, that he would just buy new clothes and toiletries when we got there.   Yeah, he would rather buy an entire new wardrobe than pack!  I don't know what's with men when it comes to packing a suitcase, but you're definitely not alone.  

Answer 4

So what was for dinner?

Answer 5

I feel for you and I know how difficult it is to be a 24/7 mum. I have one 3 years old and it's already a mad house.

Some husbands who are not very domestic himself have no clue what it takes to run a house, leave alone to run a house with 3 demanding kids.

You are doing great and I really respect you for the decision to be a full time mum.

You can let your hubby have a trial of what it's like to do what you are doing by leaving the kids with him for few days e.g. you travel somewhere like visiting your parents/relatives out of town.

Then he will come to understand more.

Meanwhile, please keep cool though it's really hard.

Again, you get my full respect.

Answer 6

No, he doesn't get it. Now make me a sandwich.

Just kidding. He works and has this perception that all you do is watch soap operas all day long while looking after the kids. On the weekends, make him do all the housework and taking care of the kids. He'll get it.

I noticed you mentioned you got fired when you told you're boss you're pregnant. That is completely illegal. You better talk to a lawyer about that and maybe you can sue those cold-hearted b******s.

Answer 7

sometimes

Answer 8

Sounds like you have spoiled him and he expects you to do everything for him, you created it now you have to fix it.

Answer 9

I fell into this trap several years ago. When i got tired of it I stopped doing things around the house. My trademark saying was "When I have time for it I'll do it Right now there are other priorities." and that's how it was. everytime he'd say soemthing I'd answer in teh same way, not with an attitude. He eventually got the point and helps out now. It's not perfect, but he does a lot more because he knows I won't. Just as a precaution. It didn't happen overnight and we did argue a lot at the beginning. You have t be prepared for what his reactions might be.  

Answer 10

you have to train that man!  

Answer 11

Your husband sounds like my step dad, I love him, but he expects my mom or me and my husband when he comes to visit us to do everything for him. I think that men expect to be pampered and taken care of. Make him pack for himself, he's not a child!! He needs to help out!

Answer 12

their just lazy!! just tell him again and tell him everything you have to do!

Answer 13

well, where do i start. i am a stay home dad and i take care of a 2 year old and a 4 year old, the four year old just started head start.(praise the Lord). so anyway i don't know why men think that you/ house moms don't do anything and have all the time in the world to take care of them also, lets get real our job never ends we work from the time we get up till we go to bed. and if the baby wakes up who gets up. anyway what i learned from watching and asking the local guys around here, is i think that most men all though they will never admit it is they get married to a women for a mother figure, someone to take care of them. cook, clean, do all the stuff that mom helped or did for them. the problem is mom"s need to raise there sons to be men, and not over grown children. and to be honest he probably don't realize what it takes to get ready for this trip because it is not something that is on his mind like it is yours, because you have to get you and your children ready and he just thinks it is your responsibility to pack for him also. Good luck.

Answer 14

I have the exact same problem and no, they don't get it. I was at the emergency room with my mother in law one time, by myself, for 6 hours. I didn't get home until 9:00pm. The first thing out of my husband mouth was "What's for dinner?" I threw him a piece of cheese then went to bed! Some men are simple inconsiderate. This is what I'd do if I were you. Go ahead and pack his things, but leave the important things out. When he bit**es about it, tell him to do it himself if you can't do it right. Hopefully that'll cure that problem. Good luck and try to have fun on your trip.

Answer 15

Men just don't think ahead or multitask like women do.

I'm sure if you would have given your husband a list ahead of time, he would have helped out.

This way, you are overwhelmed, and are being resentful towards him, which doesn't help either of you.

I think it's time for you to stop being so controlling - you will feel better and be happier!

Answer 16

Hes a man. I figure that explains it all really.

I know this won't have helped but hopefully it might make you smile a little bit!

Cheer up lovie! and remember, when he gets home and wants a beer... you poured them all down the sink ;)

Answer 17

The only things that could make the situation worse is being married to a Marine and have a job.

I have both, the lack of sympathy, lack of emotional repore, and awful communication skills.   We have two children, both with attachment disorders, and I was a stay at home mom for a few of those years, I worked part time as a waitress/bartender just to make a few extra bucks for fun stuff, while he worked two jobs to"let me go to school."  

I am, as it appears you are and have been, an enabler, meaning that you have let him get away with this before.  It seems stressful at times, especially when going on trips and planing events to have or attend, but what you cannot finish-can get done later.  Pace yourself, and realize you can ask for help.  Unfortunately, I had to learn the hard way that my spouse could not read my mind-and some of what i considered inconsiderate-he just didn't get.  Ask-if he says no to helping you, then you have problems for which need to be addressed professionally.  

BE strong.  Staying with your children not only benefits them in the long run, but is something I wish I had the monetary means to go back to, and as hard as it is-your children did not ask to be here-you two brought them here-and you sound like you have at least that part down-with their best intentions in mind.  

that selflessness is commendable.

Answer 18

If you want him to pack his own clothes and cook his own dinner - Get a Job!  Then he would help out more. I know, I know you had a ton of errands, and being a stay at home Mom is a full time job, but that includes cooking dinner. And as far as packing, my wife packs for me and I have never once asked her to. She is a stay at home Mom as well.  

Answer 19

No, then again I am good at time management ,and don't do things last min. I work 50 hours a week clean the house do the laundry and have dinner on the table every night.  I take out the trash.  

For trips He and I pack together because I don't know what he needs to bring.  So I would tell your husband, that he needs to pack his own stuff because you don't know what to pack for him.