Why doesn't my mom understand?

Question

So I just recently got a job at a video store close to home. Lately I've been very busy and not home because i would wake up go to school come home change clothes and go straight to work. I work at the most 5 days a week and it's a pretty fun job. The thing is my mom gets so angry when I get home and I want to go to bed and stuff becuase I'm not spending enough time at home with the family and I work too much. All my coworkers my age are involved in sports and everything else plus their job and school. My mom thinks I can't handle work and school but I'm pulling off straight A's and i like work. I don't get it when I am home she seems to not care but when I'm gone she gets all mad! and she keeps threatining me that i'm going to have to quit. I love working and the freedom with it. Why is she doing this and what should I do?

Answer 1

Your mother seems a bit too clingy. But then, many parents are like that. I think you mother has trouble realizing you're growing up and may be a bit scared by this. Often, people resort to expressing anger when they're more anxious or fearful.

Answer 2

First, I have to congratulate you on the great choices you are making with your life.  You are on a good path!  Keep up the good work!  Tell your mom she did a superb job of raising you!  I am sure she is very proud!

Your mom misses you and realizes that the time is getting close when she has to cut the apron strings.  That's a very emotional time for mothers!  I found the transition went more smoothly when I could have verbal, if not physical, contact frequently at first and less so as I got used to my children being gone.  The grandchildren made it all worth it!

When you come in to change for work, let your mom know how school went.  Taking 5-10 minutes would probably keep her happy.  You could get dressed while you are chatting.  When you get home from work, do the same thing.

I would suggest making time for your mom that is just the two of you once a week.  You could go out to lunch and chat or whatever she would like to do.  Continue doing this when you get older and are ready to move out of the house on your own.

Also, make time for your family the same way.  A few minutes a day, and a longer "date" once a week.  Our family always made Sunday our Family Day.  A lot of family's use dinnertime as the daily contact time, but it sounds like you are responsibly working, and that may be what is upsetting your mom.

Sit down and ask your mom what her concerns are and work out a compromise.  Tell her you love her and miss her also, but really feel the job is something that is good for you in the long run.  If your grades slip, agree to cut back your hours until they improve or cut back some hours to make more time for Mom and family.  

I always try to put family first.  They are my foundation and great joy. Jobs will come and go, but family is forever!

Good Luck!

Answer 3

OMG! my mom too! are you European? cause its most definitely the European guilt complex. i know what you're going through though. i go through it on a regular basis. listen, my mom doesnt just give guilt trips, she owns the ENTIRE agency. your mom will get over the fact that you have a life and do not need to be cared for anymore. assure her that you love her, and im sure it wouldn't kill you to talk to her about your day just before you head to bed. it will make her feel better, and you have someone to express your woes to.slowly, but surely she'll be proud and bragging to all her friends that your a straight A student and a part time employee. i promise. for now, just tell her that you love her and the family and maybe spend one weekend a month with just the family. good luck :)

Answer 4

Ignore her and continue with what you are doing. Sometimes parents can bring you down. I think what you're doing is fine, also considering that you get straight A's. If your mom really appreciates you being at home, she will show it when you are actually at home.

Answer 5

well maybe your mom just is caring for you and misses you.

kind of sounds lame, but maybe it's the answer?

Answer 6

She is just mom and doesn't want her baby to grow up too fast.

Spend a couple of minutes with your mom by talking to her each day. Maybe she misses you.

Answer 7

she is just having that empty nest stuff.

she misses you..even if she doesnt 'pay attention' to you, she still loves just having around. she is also probably worried that by working that much, your grades may start to slip. plus you are missing out on all that teenage stuff you guys do these days that is supposedly important. like football games and c**p.  

Answer 8

hi

I think your Mom is finding it difficult to watch you growing up.

It is very hard for parents to let go, especially if you are the eldest.

Answer 9

Your mom wants to be with you just like all other moms she probably misses you when you are at work and she wants to be with you. she is probably worried that you will end up liking work better than staying at home.  

Answer 10

k i completly understand where you are coming from my mom wants me to quit cheer cuz it takes so much time from my scheduale but i just b**** at her when she trys bringing up the subject

Answer 11

I don't know for sure how well this will work for you but it did for me and I will tell you exactly what I did even though it was rejected in the beginning. Suggest that the family have one night a week that you all meet together in a mutual room and have game night. It may be charades or monopoly, etc. If you can find a mutual time also where the majority of the family will always be home then ask your employer to ensure you that evening off (not best on weekends). If you happen to be off on a Saturday morning, ask your mother to go shopping with you with one of your paychecks or go to the hairstylists or get your nails done (your treat). Involve your mother on your life because now a days you are being a little independent and Mommy's miss their children when they don't feel needed anymore. Your mother has treated you out many times and now you can do the same for her. Maybe you can take her out for an ice cream cone. LOL

Answer 12

You are in high school, right?  Your mom realizes that soon, you'll be out in the real world, on your own, and she won't see nearly as much of you then.  She wants to spend more time with you now, before you graduate.  The thing is, when you are home, and she wants to "spend time with you", she doesn't know what to do with you.  Talk to her about that.  Put her fears to rest.  When you are home, even if your mom is not actively engaging you, you should actively engage her.  Ask her if she wants to play a board or card game with you.  Ask her if she will go with you for a walk in the park, etc.  If you take the time you do have with her and use it to actually spend time "with" her, then she will probably be less anxious about the time you spend away from her.

Answer 13

i think she should be HAPPY you actually want to work. most parents have to convince their kids to get jobs lol

Answer 14

She's scared for you.  Do you live in a nice neighborhood？ Are you hanging out with the right people.  Work people don't always mean good people, all the time, even if they are into sports.  If you are making straight A's, explain to your mom that you really care about your studies and that you are actually doing what you say you are doing.  Moms generally feel safer when their kids are at home. Don't see it as anything but that she cares...

Answer 15

I haven't a clue why she's doing this, except to say she might miss you being around.

You can let your mom know that while you love her and appreciate her, you are tired when you get home from work.  You might suggest doing something special together for a while on your day off... like going out to lunch or dinner, or even taking a hike or walk together.  

i hope you get jhelpful answers here.

Answer 16

since i can't get inside your moms head i think perhaps you should come home and talk to her for a few minutes and perhaps YOU should find out why this angers her

Answer 17

Ask her straight out why don't you want me working there. Maybe there is some reason other then not being home that your mom doesn't like about you working there.

Answer 18

I think it is difficult for parents when there children start to become independent.  Your Mom probably feels like you don't need her anymore!  Go out of your way to always try and include your familty in your life.   xox  

Answer 19

listen hun, shes not ready for you to grow up it's the same with my mom just give them hugs and kisses and just remind her that you really love her. lol  

Answer 20

Ask her why she's being like this. Try a comprimise. If you take off one day of work a week, will she be happy? Say you'll do that for her and you expect for her to appreiciate what your sacrificing for her.

Answer 21

I really dont kno wat u should do except to try to talk to her about it but i think she is doing it becase she luvs u and she doesnt want u to do to many things at once..maybe she doesnt think ur body can handle it or maybe she thinks that the balance between school n work could stress u out?!......OR really she probably just wants to spend more time with u!

Answer 22

she is jealous