Why don't men leave wife & kids for girlfriend?

Question

I was with boyfriend more than 2 years, he finally asked for divorce and they both had lawyers - now they are in therapy because he wants to stay with his kids. It seemed like we were moving forward.. why won't he leave? please don't say he loves his wife they've had seperate rooms for the last 5 years!!

Answer 1

It sounds like you need to let him be. You two have both messed up enough lives because of your affair. He doesn't want to be with you because you now are available since you got a divorce.

BTW-It doesn't help to add that you were married and have children

Answer 2

Sweetie you don't know he has had separate bedrooms for the last 5 years.  It is just what he has told you to keep you hanging on.  Trust me...he used you and that is the harsh reality of it.  He is seeking therapy because he wants to stay in the marriage.  

Answer 3

You're the icing on the cake.

Answer 4

They almost never leave their wives and would you really want him if he did? If he cheated on her, he'd probably cheat on you. I know you think you want him, but if you got him, it would always be nagging at the back of your mind wondering if he was cheating on you.

This may seem harsh, but have nothing more to do with him. He wants to work it out with his family. Move on and look for someone who is available now and who will devote all his attention to you.

Answer 5

he has more commitment to his family than you....

even if you think they do not see eye to eye or just because they live in separate rooms..... does not mean that nothing ever happens sexually between them or that there is not any feeling between them.....

and there are children involved....... why would you hope or even want  to break apart these children's parents.....

you should find someone that is single...

Answer 6

It's more than marriage..it's a lifestyle, a home, kids, perhaps a pet. Family, friends, etc. It's the whole package, dearie. My question to you is: Why do single women sleep with married men and then expect happily ever after?

Answer 7

I guess, in some twisted way, he's honoring his commitment.  Something you should have done as well - especially since you have kids too.  Why is a married woman, stealing a husband, better than a single girl stealing a husband?  Clean up your life, raise your kids, and leave the guy alone, so he can do the same.

Answer 8

You were just a little piece of something he couldn't get from his wife at the time. But he has invested more time and energy in his marriage, family, and lifestyle, then he will ever with you. Stop being GROSS! He has children. You think he'll pick you over his own blood. Delusional!  

Answer 9

he loves being with his family.

Answer 10

im sorry to hear that.but he is putting his children first by sticking it out with his wife.....

Answer 11

The girlfriend was just an escape from whatever drama was going on in the household.  He may not think of this person as a potential relationship type - as she was okay with the cheating.

Answer 12

why if they can have their cake and eat it to?

Answer 13

Your his girlfriend, s*x toy, not someone he has made any commitment to.  His family he has deep commitments and responsibilities to... even if he doesn't like his wife much, I have little doubt he loves his kids. It is worth more to him to try and keep his family together than any fling he is having with you.  Even if he gets divorced, don't expect your relationship with him to last. Your just a dalliance... if that isn't enough for you, then you shouldn't have dated a married man.  Now you know better... let him go and move on with your life.  He is moving on with his, your just tagging along it sounds like.  That is a little pathetic actually.

Answer 14

1.  The vast majority of the time men do not leave their wives for "the other woman".  

2. Men with wives AND children leave even less often...if the child support doesn't scare the c**p out of them, then the division of property does.

3.  Just because people don't sleep in the same bedroom, doesn't mean they don't love each other.  Maybe he snores horribly, and she can't stand it.  Maybe she needs to sleep on an orthopedic mattress and he can't sleep on it.  Separate rooms doesn't mean they aren't meeting in one place to dance the horizontal mambo.  

4.  You were wrong, wrong, wrong to ever get involved with a married man.  You were even more wrong to get involved with a married man with children.  The fact that you did this for two years indicates you have no moral compass whatsoever.

5.  I am so pleased that they are going through therapy and I hope it works for them.  YOU need to get into therapy and find out why you'd behave this way..and never do it again.

Wow...read the additional...so you screwed around on your husband and disrepected your family, too.  You definitely have the morals of a...I honestly can't think of anything less moral that you.

Answer 15

sounds like he loves his kids more than you.

imagine that?!?!

Answer 16

no, you were a wife and mother who was cheating on her husband and the father of her children. classy.

Answer 17

He loves his kids more than you. They are whats important in his life, not you. Also he may still love his wife and I am sure that since he doesn't want you anymore that he will be getting a little from his wife when the mood strikes. Also when in counseling the therapist is going to try and build the bond between them since that is the problem so don't think that the therapist as long as him and his wife are willing isn't going to encourage them to sleep in the same bed again. You need to not worry or concern yourself with what goes on in their lives, they are the ones married and what goes on behind closed doors is none of your business.

Answer 18

been in there done that, he never left so i broke it off and now i'm with a great man and we have a 3 month old daughter. oh i didn't know he was married at first.but i was also young and naive. move on  

Answer 19

Why would he leave? he gets all the benefits of a family life and he gets to have a mistress on the side; perfect. Look at it from his point of view; it ain't broke so why would he fix it. I think you might deserve someone who can commit to you, don't you?

Answer 20

It's not the wife ... He loves his kids ..and it's very hard to leave them until they can stand on their own . He may also be looking at child support and alimony.

Answer 21

Why should he leave when he's got a home life, and someone to s***w on the side? Divorce is expensive (especially if the couple has a lot of debt), he'd be stuck paying child support or having custody of the kids...no way to know if things with his "fling" would work out (and why would they? If he'll cheat on his wife, he's just as likely to cheat on her...he probably doesn't see her as serious relationship potential anyway).

Any woman who thinks a married man is worth luring away from his wife needs to evaluate her morals, values, and self worth. Why would anyone want to be with a guy (or gal) they KNOW is a cheater...a liar...a deceiver? Why start out a relationship with someone you know can't be trusted?

Answer 22

So you not only destroyed your own family, you are trying to destroy his too.  Nice.  I am sure God is impressed w that one.  

Answer 23

are u positive he wasnt just telling u his wife slept in another room to feel sorry for u?Guys will tell u anything to get there way with u! Or its possible that he has another girl on the side and got sick of u who knows with men now days!

Answer 24

BECAUSE HE LOVES HIM FAMILY AND WANTS TO MAKE THINGS WORK WITH THEM!

Answer 25

There may be a prenuptial and he wouldn't get anything.  He may not care enough for you to leave her.  More than likely he doesn't want to have to split all "his" property with her.  A lot of men think that everything is theirs and don't want to share it.  I finally got a divorce two years after filing and it took so long because he didn't want to have to split anything with me and I helped pay for everything right down the middle.  He may not want to have to pay alimony or child support either.  He would have to pay alimony until she got remarried and maybe he knows she wouldn't get remarried.  Only he knows so you need to ask him.

Answer 26

being married becomes a comfort zone for men, the wife cooks, cleans, and wash clothes, men knows that no matter what happens they could go home, they get too comfortable and are afraid to leave, afraid to see and feels what comes after divorce