Why don't more women acknowledge and accept their strength?

Question

What I mean is this, I've grown up with the belief that women were as strong and capable as men without any caveats but I'm surprised as to why more aren't living up to this potential and point the finger at men.

Ex: My girlfriend was upset about her salary recently and a male coworker who works less and has less responsibility earns more. She was very very upset that her male boss hadn't given her a raise and subtly claimed she felt he was sexist. I looked perplexed at her and asked her if she had asked for a raise. She said no. My head nearly exploded, at the end of the conversation it was clear that she expected to just be GIVEN what she THINKS she deserves. Meanwhile having a horrible attitude at work and being more concerned with others than her own work and talk to her boss about the raise and give him reason to give her one.

I eventually helped her draft a letter to him explaining her strengths and now she's earning what she thought she deserved. But it stuck with me her instant blame of others and how many other women I've known and worked with who have that same mentality.

Essentially what I'm saying is ladies have the power to get what they want if they go for it without any negative thoughts or conspiracy theories and instead too often blame others for their lacking.

Opinions?

Answer 1

It is quicker and easier to get what you want through being a victim I guess.  Modern PC views protect and encourage such views from women.  Sensible and mature women don't use crutches like that.

I have worked with serial complainers, whiners and conspiracists. They see themselves as victims or mis-understood at almost every turn, and rarely take any responsibility for anything that they perceive as wrong in their lives.

I can't say that all such people are women, but I agree with you that women have greater power to manipulate and feminism has created a sense of entitlement in many women.  

The squeaky wheel gets the grease, true enough, but there is a difference between an annoying personality and poorly lubricated machinery in that the machinery will fail honestly and not make excuses!

Answer 2

I agree with you... although I would agree that the female gender probably follows this trend more, a good number of men are also like this... they go around complaining about how unfair life is simply because they didn't have the gusto to go out and make things happen.

Answer 3

none

Answer 4

What you say has a lot of validity.  Look around at any elementary classroom and they girls are rewarded for sitting quietly, raising their hands, waiting their turn.  The boys in the same classroom are not sitting quietly, not raising their hands and often not waiting their turn.  You would think this is a bad thing but it results in a reinforcement of both behaviors - the girls are rewarded for their good manners by compliments from the teachers and often the boys are rewarded by being acknowledged.

The girl walks away thinking success = keeping quiet and waiting for my reward while the boy walks away thinking = I still got picked.  Observe families closely.  Often a girl will be scolded for acting up more quickly and for less of an infraction than a boy.  Depending on the family, this can be very subtle or blatantly apparent.  I'm thinking of a family I know where the boy is a "terror", "ADD" the whole bit.  The boy's behavior, even though negative, nearly always results in a dramatic amount of attention from the parents while the female siblings are reminded to "STOP, don't instigate him".  Even when the female siblings are getting attention from the parents, it's often interrupted by them walking away to deal with the boy's mayhem.  When the parents return, they'll say "thanks for being patient".  I'm saying this to illustrate the message each child gets - the girl's message is "patience is a virtue" and the boy's is "yelling and screaming and demanding attention will often get attention".

So these same children go off to work.  And it's the same system.  Your girlfriend is sitting quietly, obeying the rules as she knows them, being patient, and waiting for the reward which she assumes will be given.  The male co-worker knows that the reward must be aggressively grabbed.So.....when you propose your very basic question of why don't you just ask, your frustration is understandable - it's second nature for you.  It's putting your pants on basic.  But for your girlfriend it's "what???  ask???  demand???"  It's a somewhat foreign concept.

So......you did a really good thing.  Hopefully you gave her some insight and some understanding that she does have power but having it isn't enough to get rewarded.  Power is also demanding recognition for achievement.......and unfortunately the reward that sometimes comes is the soul crushing rejoinder "who does that fat L*****n feminist ***** think she is?"

Answer 5

It's confusing right now in these transitional times for women.  I mean, I'm older, of that 50's generation in which we were still taught all the traditional roles and expectations.  And then the pudding turned and the deal was off and we had to adapt to a new paradigm and be "stronger".  I've been confused about that, about what "stronger" means.  When I was in nursing school, a bitter woman taught in a class one day that the only way women could survive in the "man's" world was to learn how not to bleed in the shark tank or to learn how to be one of the sharks.  I told her, "I don't want to be a shark."  And, she told me I was weak, a loser.  I walked.  

I'm not weak or a "loser" in MY paradigm.  I am enlightened enough to know sharks are the weak losers.  I was sooooo disappointed when women had to adopt the shark tank ways and abandoned their stronger ways, when I saw women struggling to survive against the hatred and discriminations that they faced as they rose.  I don't fault them for that.  But, I was hoping they would insist on the truly wiser stronger acculturated ways of women derived from their roles to be more incorporated into society as more women entered the academic and economic world.  It's just that we are all, men and women, trapped in this dog-eat-dog paradigm that is not truly "strong".  It's morbid, barbaric and wrong.  I had hoped to see the more constructive, more mutually benefitting ways of women who traditionally as family builders and weavers rather than reavers and destructionists from the shark tank reality that men have had to suffer for so long to become the new paradigm instead of women having to or choosing to go the weaker way, not stronger way, of the shark tank.  

We're eventually going to get there, especially now with women swimming around in the tank.  But, I wish I could see more of it now, still in my lifetime, of people mutually empowering each other in fairness rather than the foulness of devouring each other, s******g each, plundering each other like savage animals.  I want that not so much just for women, of course, but for MEN because the shark tank has been basically their ONLY reality, except maybe priesthood, whereas women traditionally and still today somewhat have a choice about being in the shark tank or not.  I have a son and a grandson whom I don't want harmed by that morbid shark tank paradigm.  I know that what is truly "strong" has nothing whatsoever to do with who is the biggest baddest shark, with who can s***w the next guy out of the most, but rather it's compassion and empowering others that takes the greatest strength.  It's EASY to be a savage.  It takes a MUCH stronger person to refuse to play the game of the savages.

Answer 6

Too many women have passed down to their daughters the idea that speaking up is impolite or other such hogwash.

Women need to break free of the so-called "ladylike" hesitant demeanor and speak up when they think they deserve a raise.  They also need to network extensively so they can have  options other than staying with a dead-end job.

Some women also need to realize that men are not mind readers.  You have to state what you expect, in order to receive what you want.

It is possible to be firm, direct and powerful while maintaining your own

demeanor and sense of self.