Why don't people buy baby gifts off of registries?

Question

Don't get me wrong, we are very appreciative of any gift we receive, but my husband and I are having a baby and have included with the invitations a card showing where we are registered. However, we keep getting things that are not on our registry such as clothes and bathing products. We have plenty of those things left over from our first child. In fact, we got so many bottles of baby soap and shampoos from our first child's baby shower that I doubt we'll run out of them with this child either. We are in need of other things that are not expensive separately, but add up if you have to buy them all yourself such as a diaper pail, baby monitor, diaper bag, sheets for the babies crib, a mobile, bottles, a booster chair/high chair, etc. Most of our items are in the $20-50 range, with variations both ways, and there are quite a few items left to choose from. We registered for 44 items and there are 40 left. I hope I don't sound ungrateful or rude, because I'm not at all. As I mentioned we really appreciate the gifts we receive, but I just don't get it.

My question is why do people assume they know what you need better than you do?

Answer 1

Someone people are so programmed to show up bearing some gift that they ignore practicality, such as a registry. To me, if I'm gonna spend money on a gift I want it to be what the recipient really wants.

I go thru this every year with my mother at Christmas. Although I ask her not to get me anything, or buy gift cards only, she is so driven to wrap something for under the tree that she just buys random novelties that I'm obligated to house and/or use.  

Answer 2

For the same reason I don't buy everything on my kid's Christmas list.  The gift is from me, I decide.

Answer 3

When I was pregnant with my first child people thought I was crazy that I had not registered anywhere for gifts, so I went down to Babies R Us and registered for the things I really needed.  Do you know I only received ONE thing off the list.  Even the people who said I was crazy not to be registered went out and bought different things at different stores that I had not requested.  I, too, was grateful for everything I received, but people shouldn't expect you to have to register and then go out and get things you didn't request.  Some of them may have been tight and thought a high chair was a bit too much to give so a bath set was what they thought was within their budget.

Answer 4

I have a better question.  Why are you having a shower for your second child? (you could have declined the offer to have one and you registered for it weather you threw it or not).

Better question: Why are you having a shower for your second child and then complaining that people aren't buying big ticket items?

Answer 5

I don't think that most people refuse to buy off of registries... I know I always shop from the registry.  Maybe these people just see something that is "soo cute" they can't help themselves, and purchase it.  I am tempted when I look at baby stuff, since we don't have kids, but I always stick to the registry. I'm sorry I can't realle help you, I understand it is probably aggravating when you are trying to go for a theme but everyone is buying you haphazrd stuff.  As much of an inconvenience it will be for you, you can always return the gifts and purcase something that you can use.  Another option is to put a bug in your moms ear that you still need this stuff, so maybe she can let relatives know.  

BTW you aren't supposed to check your registry all the time.  :)  It should be a surprise when you have your shower what you did and didn't get.

CONGRATS!

Answer 6

Just my opinion but some people really ask for expensive outrageous things on registries (not that you are) and sometimes guests just assume it would be cheaper to buy something they can afford and not bother with the registry or assume they know better about what you can use from their own experience. In your case I would have checked your registry and made up a basket of all the little things you asked for, if I was a guest.  Also your older guests may not intimidated maybe by an electronic registry (computer phobic?) and just bypassed it, or don't normally shop where you registered. You are the type of person I would enjoy buying for as you don't want to take advantage and are appreciative. Maybe you can quietly return some unneeded items or exchange for the ones you do need?

Answer 7

People ALWAYS assume that they know better than you do, especially concerning parenting and children. You didn't learn this with your first baby?

I'm wondering specifically about some of the things you said you needed, like diaper pail, baby monitor, diaper bag, sheets for the babies crib, a mobile, bottles, a booster chair/high chair, etc. You don't have any of those things left over from your first baby (like you mentioned the soap and shampoos)? I would assume you'd use the same items, unless they are broken/worn out.

Answer 8

Please don't be offended.  Just read through this.

I don't know how close you are to these people.  Are they people you generally give gifts to in the $20 - $50 range?  If you aren't close enough to have given them a gift like that or had them over for dinner, etc., you may be overstepping the bounds of friendship.  

Did they give gifts for your first child?  Maybe enough is enough to them.

Are you giving yourself a baby shower?  That sounds like a bid for stuff to a lot of people.

How many people are you inviting?  Next time you register for gifts, divide your invitation list by two and post only that.  You might just be overwhelming them.

People tell me that they find great baby items at garage sales and by borrowing from other mothers.  They try to buy within their circle if they can.  If you have more of something than you need, ask the mother who will deliver after you if she would like to have the items.  Or donate them to a shelter or for disaster relief.

Maybe I'm really cheap, but I think anything over $30 is a really big gift, even for family.  

They don't know better than you, they just want to work within their budget and give you something they feel is important or fun.

Answer 9

When people are spending their money, they get to choose what they spend it on. They may wish to express their own taste, they may wish to introduce you to a convenience that you don't know about -- and it is indeed possible that such things exist -- they may be asserting their independence, or they may be opposed in principal to the concept of baby registries.

You registered, I presume, in order to help out those of your friends who might want the help in selecting a gift; not to delegate to other people your responsibility for supplying your new baby's needs. After all showers are over, if your registry still contains things you need, you can go out and buy them yourself.

Answer 10

I think people like to give gifts that show similar taste to their own because it's a reflection of themself.  If they don't like what's on your registry, they may get something similiar elsewhere, or something they think you will need, or for those last minute shoppers, they will tend to throw together parental staples such as powder, soap, and you can never have too many onesies.  

Gift registries used to be a way to give gifters ideas without the recipients getting duplicate gifts.  It could be that people are getting ideas of what you need off the list and buying them elsewhere.  For example, if someone saw that you wanted to Graco high chair, but they saw it cheaper or one they liked better or that had more features, they may buy it elsewhere and just not mark it on the registry, just in case someone else happened to purchase the one you really wanted. I am guilty of doing this as well.  If someone has registered for something really basic, but I found one with better or more safety features, I may buy it for them...and if they get a duplicate, they can decide which one they want.  If they don't like what I got them, they can always use the money from the return to get something else.  That doesn't offend me.

I don't think it's malicious, mean, or even someone trying to tell you what's best for you.  I just think it's people trying to give a gift with a personal touch.  

I hope you get lots of neat stuff and if it wasn't on the registry and you don't care for it or don't need it, you can always try to return it!

Answer 11

They want their freedom.

Answer 12

People love to buy for babies! They remember what is was like during that time of their life and just get excited. I think the biggest reason people don't buy off the registry is that people want to buy stuff they know you will use! Everybody knows that the kid is gonna get a bath and that you're gonna dress him or her (and baby clothes are so fun to shop for!) They think "oh, I never even used my diaper pail". I agree that it would make things much easier on the honoree, but I think it's something we'll just have to deal with.