Why don't people reciprocate?

Question

I'm a smart guy, and over the years I have helped people win scholarships, pass courses, and improve their business and personal lives. People seem very appreciative, they smile and thank me, but I've never heard, "How can I thank you?" "What can I do to repay you?" or "If I can ever return the favor, just ask!" Am I sending a cue that I don't want or need thanks? How can I imply that I'd appreciate the gesture of an offer of reciprocation?

Answer 1

yes and it is wrong...

have helped people over the years, and when I asked for help no one could be found...

just let them know that ...yes, thank you, and I will keep your name in my address book for when I need help....and smile...

Answer 2

Are you telling me that no one ever helped you out on your way up the ladder?  I don't believe it.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, most people in today's society are takers. It has become a me world. My husband and I are very giving people. My husband especially has found more jobs for friends and acquaintances and no one ever gives him any credit for this or even remember that when they are doing really well, how they got there in the first place. We have loaned money to friends to help them  get started in a business and not only do we not get paid back but some where along the way they forget about the loan. It is sad and when my husband and I talk about it, we can only hope that these people will at least help someone else when they are in need. It has turned into a thankless world. Even our own children have forgotten all we have done for them.

Answer 4

So often being nice is just an invitation to be taken for granted and used as a tool. I don't know what to tell you there.

Answer 5

I finally answered this question for myself recently. I have been extremely generous and extremely used. I'm assuming the people you're giving this charity to are not desparate or needy. Talented people often are generous because things come easy to us, but those who aren't so lucky tend to be more stingy, in my opinion. I could give you examples, but I'll just tell you my conclusion. Always give value to yourself and your work! If you give something away, hoping it will be appreciated, you'll probably get disappointed.  I have always given without expecting anything in return, but being taken advantage of is devaluing. "Smiling and saying thank-you" is not a truly appreciative response to a major effort. Even someone financially challenged is capable of mailing a card and treating you to lunch. Now when someone asks for my help I say "sure, I'll do that for you in exchange for a full course dinner & drinks for my spouse and I at LaCreperie this weekend, how's that sound?". Or "Let me give you a proposal on that and then we'll get started". The proposal usually breaks down the work to be done, the financial value of the work, and then a "buddy deal or discount". I do this with friends, family, clients, etc. People then see that my gifts are valuable.  When you give something for free you're saying it's "nothing". I heard a story about a guy who gave dollar bills away on the street, and people wouldn't take them because they thought something was wrong with them. The only  *charity* I give anymore is  to animals who are stray, injured or abused, and it's very rewarding....:)

Answer 6

Because people in today's world are just plain too self-centered.  I come across it all the time too, and just keep telling myself that what goes around, comes around. (It does too.)  Life isn't easy, but people don't seem to think beyond themselves as a rule, and it's a sad world because of it.

Answer 7

Wow i didn't notice until you said something but your right!  Hardly anyone does that!

and whom ever said it's open to be walked all over don't have a backbone!  other people don't walk on other people   other people LET other people walk on THEM!~

so thanks for posting this questions i'm giong to start using these reciprocators ???  

the only way i can help you out here is to ensure you use it and what goes around will slowly come back around! :)

Answer 8

Scott L - Helping someone should be a selfless act.  If you're keeping score and expecting things in return, you have the whole concept twisted, and more times than not,  find you're disappointed.

Answer 9

It sounds like you are the smart kid on the block.  Maybe people don't think there's anything they can do for you, since you seem to have it all together in their minds.  Try opening up about things you may not be so good at, and people may begin to offer assistance in that area.