Why don't some adopted children?

Question

Why don't some adopted children want to keep in touch with their half brothers and sisters? Especially after finding out that they were "stolen children." We didn't do no better.

Answer 1

Maybe they're just happy with their life the way it is & see no need to.

Answer 2

It's there choice

Answer 3

I agree with Pool Guy!  My child was not stolen either.  He was removed TWICE from parents who refused to put him first instead of the drugs!

Answer 4

EXCUSE ME-  both of my adopted children, have half brothers and sisters- HOWEVER they were not "stolen" children.  Both of their birth moms said, "this is best for her child".  Please do not make adoption out to be a crime!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

The children were not "stolen" they were removed from a parents who could not, or refused to, put the interests of the child ahead of their own. Negligent Drunks & child abusers. Why would they want to know about their mothers other mistakes?

Were these brothers and sisters there to help prevent the abuses that they suffered at the hands of their so called parents?

Or maybe the brothers and sisters have grown up to be just like mum and dad, and why would you want to know them?

By being removed from a harmful environment, being educated, being fed and clothed may be something that they are grateful for.

Answer 6

It just too painful for some that haven't faced their emotions or feelings of the trauma of "adoption", yet.  Some were brainwashed or manipulated into thinking its wrong to have feelings for their first family. Look at the length Ap's go to keep the a-child isolated from their mothers.

Does Stockholm syndrome ring a bell, this happens in way too many "adoptions".

Answer 7

Sometimes they don't consider their half brothers/sisters their REAL sisters and brothers.  After all, they didn't tease each other growing up, cry on each others shoulders, fight over who got the last scoop of ice cream etc.  To many adoptees, family isn't about blood, but about love and memories and experiences.

That would be my reason.  Many people would have other reasons.

Answer 8

For some, it brings up bad memories.  For some who may have been kept by their parents, they might not want to interfer with the life their siblings have had with their adoptive parents.  Now, education about adoption is just happening for many of us.  In years past, people didn't know how, and didn't know what to do.  The internet has made research much easier.  Also, first impressions have a lot to do with keeping touch.  Neither party knows what to say or ask, and are so trying not to hurt the other's feelings that they just ignore the issues that they both might or might not have.  Sibling rivalry and jealousy can play small parts.  

My fiance is 44, and is getting ready to meet his brother who was placed for adoption pretty soon.  They are both really wanting this, and from e-mails his wife and I have been making, it sounds like they are identical twins in their likes/dislikes and hobbies.  Always remember, it's never too late.  In the natural course of things, being in the 20's and 30's, it's often normal for siblings to be at an independent stage, and going their own ways, building their own families, etc.  Often times, in their 40's is when siblings become closer again, realizing that life is too short, and having parents face different issues that bring families together.  Maybe every one of us in life needs to make more efforts!

Answer 9

I think that suebear is def right!!!

Answer 10

For myself I have two brothers we were all taken away at the same time. Adopted out together, then readopted into separate homes. When I was a teenager I was curious about them. Met one by chance, and the other one no one knows where he went after he turned 18. I don't remember being with them when we were little. Sometimes it's just a matter of you don't miss what you don't remember. I wish them well but have no desire to try to find them.

Answer 11

Sometimes its not the adopted child  

I am #4 of 6 and only one placed.

Out of all my sibs only 2 of my older sisters will even so much as give me a hello, goodbye or get lost. Brother and his wife have even said hey would curse me out if they ever spoke to me. Other sister just say they have nothing to say to me.

I do love speaking with the 2 though. It comes very easy

Answer 12

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Answer 13

Parents don't always adopt because they are drug addicts or abusive. Gees, how ignorant (of one of the answerers). I was a "stolen" child and my mother may not have been able to care for me but there was a huge, wealthy family that could have supported her or looked after me. There was a whole lot of death and loss at that time though and they probably didn't think about it. I was ordered to be adopted by the courts because my birth mother was mentally ill and had to be hospitalised. But she wanted me, she always wants me, even now, and I gave her a time when I would feel comfortable meeting her but the rest of the birth family and my adoptive family thought it was a really bad idea and stopped it going ahead, she ran out of my birth aunts house in tears and ran down the road and then later trashed my birth grandfather's house because she was so angry and disapeared for a while. It was horrible for me too, because I felt like everyone was controlling my life and they were putting all this pressure on me. All I cared about was her and they weren't letting me near her (because she is very clingy and they think I will end up looking after her as well as my adoptive parents when she gets old).

I have half siblings but they are my birth father's side and my birth family or adoptive family won't tell me anything about him. So I have no choice basically.

I guess if there was a choice some might not be interested, it might bring up horrific memories as it did for my foster brother.

Answer 14

dont know