Why don't some people like adoptions?

Question

I'll see some question here, like "I want to adopt a baby boy", or something, and you'll get all these idiots saying nasty things, putting people down, and thumbs downing all the answers that give information. Why?

Answer 1

I try not to give rude, ignorant responses when I answer a question.  But, I am one that does not approve of adoption with the current laws that govern that issue.  Adoption takes away the rights of the one person it is suppose to protect, the child being adopted.  We have no rights to our past, our history, our genealogy, our health information (I have a heart condition from my birth father), etc.  Adoption is supposed to protect children from parents that cannot take care of us.  We are not asked for our opinion.  We are given to mental and physically abusive new parents.  We do not get to know our family unless we are lucky enough (Yes, I was) to find them on our own.

As to the rest of your question, there are a lot of ignorant people out there and half of them are on answers given ignorant responses to questions.

Answer 2

Because there are some adoptees on this site who routinely make it their place to represent the negative side of adoption.

Now, this negative side DOES exist, for sure, and I'm sure most intelligent people realise that absolutely nothing in this world is ever without flaw or fault.

However, the problem is that this particular group (they know who they are) have decided to make it their business to speak for every adoptee out there, and they routinely do what they accuse others of doing: critisizing people for presenting only one side of the argument, while ignoring the other points of view completely.

I also am a huge advocate of foster care adoption as opposed to infant adoptions, simply because kids in foster care are waiting, whereas infants are 'snapped' up.

However, I am open minded and intelligent enough to realise that not every domestic infant adoption involves greedy, grasping, immoral, adoptive parents, a hard done by, manipulated, scared birth mother, and an infant who is being torn apart to be placed with uncaring and uneducated adoptive parents!  

I was one of these infants, and I know that in my situation, and other people's situations very much like it, my adoption was handled VERY ethically, and my birthmother placed me very willingly.  

I also now have contact with my birthmother, and I certainly don't hold any ill feelings or bitterness toward her, as others are probably thinking.

The fact is, that it's not every case where a birth mother just needs a 'little extra support' to become a good parent in her own standing.  Some people were just not cut out to be parents.  That doesn't make them bad people, my birthmom is a fantastic person, but by her own admission, would never have made an effective parent.

The point is, you will always get people who stand on opposite sides of the fence, who believe that their personal argument cancels out the other argument completely.  This is completely untrue.  I had a fantastic life, and a great adoption experience, in which all my parents put my needs first, and in my case, everything was done for me with love.  I know this is not the case for everybody.  I know that me having a positive experience doesn't replace someone else's negative experience.  But sadly there are people on here who are unable to admit that they are ever one eyed.

Answer 3

Well - for starters - I've lived it.

Plus - I've researched it - read much from both sides - rather than just reading the happy-happy adoption stories that are out there.

If adoption is so wonderful - how about giving up your own children to another family - and never have contact with them again.

No - not all adoptions are bad - but nor are they all fantastic either.

Saying so - is a foolish thing indeed.

If you don't WANT to read all the answers - then it's your loss - and yet another child could be worse off for it.

Educated people look into all the pros and cons before making a purchase of some inanimate object. (ie - car, house, etc)

Why then wouldn't you look at ALL the sides of adoption (both good and bad) - before making a life-long commitment to raising another human being.

Those that are against many of the adoption practices currently practiced around the world today - are looking at the BEST INTERESTS OF THE CHILD.

NOT - the best interests of the adults.

ADDED TO SAY:  at least those that are against infant adoption as it stands today - will gladly admit that - yes - there are some adoptees that appear unaffected by adoption out there - BUT - those that are so staunchly pro-adoption refuse to even acknowledge that some other adoptees actually have pain!

Who then is really looking at both side of the coin??????

Answer 4

I guess they all believe that children available for adoption were stolen from their birth mother, or she was tricked into giving up her child so an adoptive family can abuse the child.  

I guess they don't realize that bio children are abused, can hate their parents, can be criminals and have unknown health issues.  Just because you are raised by your bio parents doesn't mean life will be wonderful.  

If a few bad adoptions (out of all that occur)are going to make people try to out law adoptions, then we should out law giving birth too.

Answer 5

Most of us responding are adoptee rights activists.  Adoption as it is now and in the past violates the rights of all involved in adoption.  

I know for a fact that an ethical adoption costs $7,000.  Why do adoption agencies and attorneys charge $40,000 and more?  Adoptive parents are being charged outrageous amounts.

Adoption does not give the rights to the adopted adult.  We as a group are denied our heritage and our right to see the document that accurately records our birth.   They are sealed to protect the adoption agencies and attorneys.  Trust me they don't want us comparing notes and publishing what we find.  I know that they tied my mother and millions of others like her to their beds.  They fed them sparse meals with no snacks.  They humiliated and shamed women like my mother.  Now they hold them as the reason for keeping our records are sealed.  Those mothers are now speaking out.  97% want contact from their children.  They don't want contact through the agency but from their children.  

Natural parents as a group are deified and demonized in one swoop.  For many years, their voices are not even heard and ignored.  Many natural parents are being denied their right to resources.  A married friend of mine needed to go on medicaid.  She went to a crisis pregnancy center with her husband and then two year old son.  She was asked three times to give her child up for adoption.  All she needed was a confirmation test to get medicaid.  Just look at Allison Quets, Rashad Head, Cody O'Dea,  Joseph Simmerson, Brynden Ayre, and Jamie Keifer. Their rights are being violated.  Yet adoption is being pushed as a win/win/win. Something is wrong with this picture.  Look at the bigger picture.  Follow the trail of money.

If you want to promote adoption, allow adoptee access. Look at Oregon.   If you want to reduce abortion, allow adoptee access.  Look at Kansas and Alaska.  They both have had higher than average adoption rates and lower than average abortion rates.  The states with closed records have the highest abortion rates and the lowest adoption rates.  I compell you to look outside the box.  I double dog dare you to research the facts.  

After you do that, I guarantee that you will be fighting as hard as us, our natural parents, and adoptive parents.

Answer 6

sorry but people r stupied and narrow minded

Answer 7

If you've been reading the questions on here....then why are you asking the same question that gets asked every week?

I DID read the question, and i read the one before it, and the one before it and the one before it that all asked the same thing.

would you like links too?

Answer 8

I completely agree with you. Adoption is a great thing if the birth mother chooses to do it. Unfortunately, there are alot of morons on here who would rather kill their child then adopt it to a family who really wants it. It really suprised me too, especially when they all rant about how adopted children are abused (like non adopted kids aren't!!) etc and they must get their statistics from Jerry Springer.

Watch and see how many thumbs down I get for this!

Answer 9

AMEN!! I cannot tell you how shocked I was to find out how many people are out there to criticize what we have chosen to do with OUR lives.

I have since realized a few facts about these people. Either these women have been adopted and suffered a bad experience from it and are very resentful for their own life situation, or they put their child up for adoption and regret it or feel GUILT from it and have to take it out on others.

My opinoin about their situations would be the following (and let me just add, I would not offer my opinion, however, they feel free to TELL me what I should do....so here goes....)

1. They feel guilt from placing their own child in a loving home. Often I hear..."I regret it, I could have done it now that I look back". Well you know the grass is always greener on the other side. How do you really know if you could have done it. Sure thats easy to say now....you didnt have to get up in the middle of the night and feed, deal with colds/flu, miss work or school because the babysitter called you sick, pay for daycare with little money in the bank, run to the ER cause they need stitches or are having an asthma attack, pay the medical bills, buy formula/food/toys/clothes/bedd... deal with temper tantrums, discipline the same behaviors over and over and over again, miss work or school to go to his/her school for conferences. I dont buy it for a second.........grass is always greener on the other side and when you get to the other side it seems to always turn brown. Well you didn't raise your child and I DO NOT JUDGE YOU FOR THE DECISION YOU MADE! SO I request the same respect. I am sorry that you did not use birth control and got pregnant at the wrong time. I am sorry that you miss your child and regret having to have made the decision of adoption. In fact I commend you for making such a difficult decision and you are, in my book, one of the bravest people I know. BUt now that you feel guilty and regret it, DONT TAKE IT OUT ON ME!!!!

2. I have found most of these women preach that one should encourage the mother and child to stay together and we should look more to the foster care system to adopt. Well my answer to that is this....WHERE THE HECK DO YOU THINK THESE KIDS IN FOSTER CARE COME FROM??? I KNOW FOR A FACT that these kids come from families that THOUGHT they can parent and then much later (sometimes after much damage has been done) decided that they cannot parent. Sometimes the realization that they cannot parent anymore comes after the child suffers many years of abuse and neglect. Then they are placed in a system that needs lots of revamping and are bounced from one home to another. Dont get me wrong I am all for adopting children from Foster care but dont tell me that I should turn my head to mothers who are pregnant that KNOW they cannot parent. Sometimes the mothers and fathers never even come to the realizatoin that they cannot parent. Sometimes these children are so badly abused and neglected that the State comes in takes them. So to all those Birthmoms out there that are mature enough and brave enough to say that they cannot parent the child they are carrying G-D BLESS YOU!!!

I have a question for all those "US baby adoption haters", "Why don't you adopt a child from Foster Care since you feel so strongly about it?" Better yet, why dont you just become a Foster Parent, at the very least.

Lastly, and finally, in a perfect world would their opinoin matter to me. No one "is ever qualified to say that natural families are always best being kept together when possible." Everyone has so many issues that need to be considered which makes every situation unique.

Answer 10

Thats what this forum is full of.... ignorant idiots.  Especially rude idiots like the first person who answered your question.  Just try to ignore it.