Why everyone is against close adoption?

Question

I was adopted with an open adoption but there were many disadvantages my bio family always asked for money and job…so I called the police and I prosecute them in court.

Answer 1

I really think it depends on the situation... I am considering adoption because of infertility, and I would prefer a closed adoption for an infant. If the child is older, I know *I* would want the adoption to still be closed, but understanding of the bigger picture is important and I can understand that this child will be traumatized if everyone they previously knew just vanished.

I'm pretty set on the infant though. I have no intention of hiding that the child was adopted, and I don't have a problem explaining things... I don't, however, want to accommodate someone that I will always feel threatened by... Someone who was able to accomplish what I couldn't in getting pregnant, and someone who might change their mind someday... Someone I will feel that I owe something to...

Answer 2

Closed adoption isn't the answer.  Adoptive family members can do this, too.  (I have a step-brother who always does this.)  

Closed adoption hurts the child by cutting him or her off from his or her heritage.  Whether the child continues to have a relationship with the first family is something to be worked out by that person and the family.  It shouldn't be decided by social workers.  

You had a bad experience.  But many people have bad experiences in closed adoptions.

Answer 3

Because extensive research shows that it is not healthy for a child to grow up not knowing the truth of their origins.

Is this groundhog day - I'm sure we answered this question like, yesterday.  Oh, and the day before that too.

If anyone proves to be a stalker or harasser there are already laws on the books to deal with that minority of people.  Adoption is not the witness protection program and last I heard one is innocent until proven guilty.  

Adoptees aren't guilty of anything, yet they are punished by keeping their original identities and genetic history a secret.   Everyone has the right to the truth of there origins; good, bad or ugly [see the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child]

It is not an adopters place to cut off another human being's roots to suit their own fantasy of 'as if born to'

ETA:   I would like to counter sizesmith's erroneous claim that in open adoptions the records are not sealed.  They ARE.   People in closed and open adoptions may or may not have copies of certain paperwork in their possession but the records are always sealed in the majority of States.

Answer 4

Often, the birth parents want a closed adoption.  I can understand some of the arguments for both positions (for and against), and I respect that people have opinions.  

I agree that background medical information is important.  However, if that information isn't available because a birth parent didn't want to provide it, should that child grow up without a family or be ostracized in some way?  I don't think so.

The one that makes no sense to me is the argument that the child is somehow damaged or hurt because they don't have access to their original birth certificate.

Is it better for the child to know that his or her birth parents never gave a name, and the OBC states Baby Boy (or girl) Smith or other last name?  I would hope that a child would rather have the name that he or she grew up with on his or her BC.

Answer 5

C.C.,

I'm sorry your open adoption did not work out as you would have hoped.  For many more though, it is a positive experience.  If you adopt, your child WILL have two families.  You have to be respectful of that.  Your future child will appreciate your efforts.

Here is a simplistic example;  My father molested me.  I could choose to hate and distrust all men, but it is unfair to judge all men because of what my father did to me.

Its unfair to judge your future child's family based on your experience with your First Family.  Does that make sense?

ETA: sorry its not a pretty example but its all i have go on.

Answer 6

You personally had a bad experience with your first family.  But you cannot decide that someone else's right to know his or her first family based only on your bad experience.   Many of us have had good experiences with our first families.

A lot of people have bad experiences with getting hurt by friends.  Should I forbid my children from having friendships because they *might* get hurt in a friendship?  Of course not.   Should I try to convince my children to never marry because they may get bad marriage partners?  After all, the divorce rate is high!  Lots of people have had bad experiences with marriage.  

Open adoption allows children to know their first parents, even though their first parents couldn't raise them.  They are not raised in the secrecy that one was the only choice -- closed adoption.  If open adoption had been an option back when I was adopted, of course we would have wanted that.  But it was not.  So, my first family and I had to wait many years to be able to communicate with one another.  Many years were lost because of that.

I'm sorry that your first parents aren't such great people.  I really don't understand how you can prosecute someone for "ask[ing] for money and job," since it's not illegal to ask for these things, so I'm sure there's a lot more to this.  But, at any rate, your experience should not be the basis for denying a right to others.

On a side note, regarding open records, Heather is right.   Records are sealed in the very same manner in open adoptions as they are in closed adoptions.  Open adoptions are simply agreements regarding some level of contact between the first family and the adoptive family.  It has nothing to do with how the legal records are handled.

Answer 7

The degrees of open and closed adoption vary.  I am a strong advocate of parents who are placing their child to get to know the family who is adopting their child.  It doesn't matter if a child is adopted or biological, there is always a chance that the families will suck, and they can be abusive, or ask for money, etc.  Unfortunately, children get to be born to people who can get pregnant, not just to those who are ready, willing, and able to successfully raise a child.

Closed adoption forever closes the door on adoption, unless both the bio family, and the adoptee chooses to look for the other, and happen to be on the same internet sight, or if the agency that handled the adoption is still open, that they can forward the paperwork.  

Many times, reunions can be a happy time, which answers questions for adoptees to find their roots, and for first parents who's circumstances "forced" them into relinquishing their child.  Under open adoption, the records are not sealed, where anyone involved in the adoption can get copies.  In order to do so, one would have to have identifying information, such as the child's birthdate, the state and county where the adoption took place, and/or each of the parents infomation-both biological or adoptive.  Some times, an adoptive parent that knows the facts feels threatened by their child finding their bio parents.  They shouldn't be, but they are and won't share the information.  Then, if they die, the link closes, so the child can never find out things like medical information.  For instance, if a first mom gives birth, places her child, and then 3 years later, finds out she has a rare genetic condition that could have been passed on, she wouldn't be able to do so, because the records are sealed, unless she hired an attorney (most wouldn't have the money to do so), and got a court order through the judge who sealed the records.  

For the good people involved in adoption, both the bio and AP's, open adoption can be a great thing, especially for the child.  Unfortunately, with some parents, both bio and AP, there are bad ones in every group.  That's why we have law set up, and CPS, to protect the kids.  It's just a shame we need those services!

Answer 8

Not everyone is against it. Some just find it more suitable so the child can still know about medical information, their birth familys history etc.

Answer 9

im not against it but i have an open adoption with my son.  i think you have to go through it to really understand but when i had my baby i couldnt think that i would never see him again. its heart breaking.  I understand that you wouldnt like the idea after your bio parents did that, but that is rare...

Answer 10

I hear ya. I had my answer to this Q deleted too.

A closed adoption is harder to open than it is to close an open adoption that has gone bad.

Open adoption doesn't just benefit the adoptee. I as an adoptive parent, I would only consider oprn adoption for myself too. I need to know how his family is and want to maintain a relationship with them.

Answer 11

I believe that everyone deserves to know where they came from. And in this day and age, as we see that so many medical conditions are genetic, your family medical history is invaluable. For this reason, I'm also again anonymous sperm and egg donation.

Answer 12

I had a closed adoptiona dn it worked out fine.  truth is, there's no blanket cure-all for everything.  some on here believe that adoption shouldn't exist; i believe it should -- the need is there from the pregnant woman unprepared who should not be forced to parent their child; neither side is 100% right 100% of the time.

but yes, i'm for closed adoptions if people want it.

Answer 13

Not everyone is against closed adoption. I was adopted (closed) and my life is pretty good. I'm so thankful. My bio mom didn't know who my father was, so I really don't care to know either of them anyway. If she couldn't love me, then that's her loss. Your bio family doesn't have any right to take things from you because they put you up for adoption. That's just how it goes. Besides, parents shouldn't be asking their kids for stuff all the time.

Answer 14

Sweetie. I think you might need therapy. You keep posting the same question over and over. When people do this they are usually hoping someone will agree with them instead of facing reality and truth. If your not a troll, please do not adopt. A child deserves to be with emotionally  secure parents not just financially.