Why has dating simply become all about s*x?

Question

What ever happened to committment? I mean it's almost like you are EXPECTED to have s*x in the dating stage and when you don't want to, something is wrong. It seems to be the standard for both male and females alike. Many men I talk to who wanna wait say that women are turned off when they won't give it up quickly and many women say the same thing. What's wrong with waiting until you are committed?

Answer 1

perhaps people don't realise they are committed until they've had s*x.  s*x no doubt for some being the final joining required before the relationship is whole.

Answer 2

Because its like a stage in the relationship, from kissing to making out, to foreplay then s*x. Its not all about s*x but s*x is a important factor in the relationship. If that person doesnt want s*x they must not be comfortable enough or trust that person enough to do it with them. Its like saying I love you but Im not in love with you.

Waiting for marriage means you dont trust that person enough and you have to tie them down just to feel secure with the relationship.

Answer 3

Ok, in your question you say you know both women AND men who have indicated they are not just wanting s*x.  But then you ask why has it become all about s*x.

Obviously, it's not that way for everyone.  The s*x seekers get more attention and the ones who want commitment get less.  It's a fact of life.  So it's up to you to know what your looking for and if it's a relationship, you have to do more digging to uncover the ones who want relationships too.

Answer 4

Without s*x.. there is no point.

It becomes friendship.

Answer 5

Why do you have to be committed? Our basic instinct is 'reproduce' not 'abstain, get married, 'make it special''

Answer 6

That is soo true. A lot of men I dated just gave up after a while because I wouldn't have s*x, it's not important to me. Is marriage so hard?

Thank you for saying this.

Answer 7

I have been single for the past almost 16 months.  I gave birth to my son about 14 months ago but my partner left our relationship a few months prior to that.  At the moment I am not considering a relationship as my priority is my son.  Hopefully though I will, at some point, enter into another relationship.  When I do, I know that I do not want to rush into s*x.  I want to find out about that person before I enter into a sexual relationship with them.  I want to take it nice and slow and easy.  Maybe because I am now a little older and have a child who I want to protect, have been burnt one too many times - I think its a combination of a few things.  Anyway I basically agree, I think its fantastic to wait until you are committed.

Answer 8

There's nothing wrong with waiting until you are committed.

But I personally enjoy s*x as part of a relationship, I'm horny, and I need it, no matter how much I m********e.  With condoms and everything available to the public, people can have s*x with less fear of pregnancy and disease.  Dating has not become all about s*x, rather, s*x has become an expected part of dating.  It's like the kiss and feel at the end of the night has become s*x at the end of the night, kind of like the high school diploma has become the bachelor's degree.  Times they are a changin'.

But you control your own destiny, and your own dating life.  You still have this choice to wait until you are committed.  No one has forced anything on you.

Answer 9

You obviously need to get up to speed here. Someone needs to take you to school. Needless to say times have changed, were in a new millenium, etc..... Look, the tradition of waiting has been dying for  >40 years now since the advent of the pill. And you say committed ?...... Don't make me laugh..... People all over have made a big joke out of that word !.. Married or not, people are plainly just too dang lazy to put the necessary WORK into a 'committed relationship'.... Oh I know, "you're different"& all that jibberish.... And besides, if one mate is not going to have the desire for s*x when the other does, it  isn't going to work out anyhow & that's part of committment..  Just the facts.....

Answer 10

The media is training society to put out without reserve.  "If it feels good do it."  People wonder why STD rates are skyrocketing too.  I think it's sick.  Congrats if you are choosing to wait through the dating stage!  I hope you find someone else that's willing to wait too.

Answer 11

Different people view it differently, really.  Maybe it's a big deal to you, but it isn't to someone else. . . and you both are going to want what matters to you in a relationship.

Why?  People like to do what's going to make them feel good.  You can't *totally* point to this "instant gratification" culture as the culprit, although I'm sure it's not exactly decreasing the percentage of the population that feels as you do.

If you'd prefer to wait, just stick to your beliefs on the subject.  Don't make anyone force you into anything you aren't ready for -- if this is something that's clearly important to you, someone you're meant to be with for a while probably won't push the issue too much.  Just be prepared to deal with a fair amount of rejection before you find someone like you or who's at least willing to put up with such "quirks".

Answer 12

Amen!  I am really, really tired of the agenda and the games to get there.  I have made a personal decision to not have s*x until I'm in a committed relationship--and I have been married/divorced and have a child.  I just think it's important to know the person before s*x complicates issues, but it's very difficult to make that kind of decision when there is tension around s*x from date one.  However, I have to stay true to what's important to me and if the other person cannot get around that, then there's no point in pursuing the relationship.  I want s*x as much as the next person, but I feel now that my own values outweigh that desire and that I am worth more than what my body can provide.  It's all about individual integrity and knowing what one wants or doesn't want--and being up-front about it from the beginning.

Answer 13

Cos we are all sexual active beasts referred to male counterparts. s*x is good and it feel good to do it everyday cos that will strongly bond your realationship.Guys you know are just s*x despos if you give them s*x everyday they will become like a slave who will do anything for you girls even life-risking ones on a date.These is all ture even the most nerdy guys.s*x is the powerful tool to command all the man in the world.

Answer 14

Nothing's wrong with waiting. On the other hand, nothing wrong with *not* waiting. It's a personal choice, and part of the whole difficulty of dating is that you have to find someone who shares it. There's just no point one of you being in a relationship they don't want, the other can't whine if you're incompatable.

Answer 15

everything escalates, nothing is static.  when you have a society who looks to the media for leadership, guidance, and knowledge, you end up with a society with its collective head up its collective butt.

Answer 16

The basic reason for male and female coupling is s*x.

If after a few dates there is no sexual attraction , no "chemistry" why waste each others time when you (we) could be spending time with someone we are sexually interested in.

Your premise of commitment first is as unreasonable as s*x immediately.

Why would I commit to someone who's sexual habits or abilities I know nothing about, It's as if you suggest I should spend weeks , even months to find out you have a low s*x drive , are really lousy in bed and can't satisfy me.

They say theres someone for each of us , I guess you'll just have to keep looking until you find someone with as little interest in s*x as you.

Answer 17

I'm screwed if I know...

Answer 18

What a refreshing perspective!

I think part of the explanation comes from all the sexual overtones in media and advertising.  If we were less of a consumerist society, we might remember what relationships and commitment are all about.

Someone who has been married longer than 10 years can tell you, the friendship aspect of a relationship is just as important as the s*x.   But most people don't get that far, because they have placed too much emphasis on the physical aspect of the relationship and not enough on the cognitive and emotional pieces.