Why has my mother in law finally left me alone?

Question

My mother in law- ugh! I'm sure you know what I'm talking about!

She used to visit us every other weekend (bi-weekly) and give us no notice (I'm in the car, I'm on my way there- type thing). I was a big push over until I saw the light. She was trying to be my daughter's parent and buy her whatever she wanted. I wasn't ok with that. I wrote her a blunt email stating that "I cannot accept anything that is not age appropriate to my daughter". I used a lot of "my daughter" statements to give her that push in the other direction. She was so offended and whatnot. She had to ask my husband to explain my feelings and he gave it to her. He listed the reasons why I can't stand her (she thought I liked her prior to the email!):

-She talks about my husband's ex gf like she's his wife

-Her children come over and she expects us to watch them while she's holding the baby. They left mud all over in my bathroom and spit gum on the wall!

-She was sharing a drink with her two daughters AND MY BABY!

and the list goes on. My husband stood up for me because he was sick and tired of me fighting with him over it (it was a month long battle this past June and July!)

So on July 10th I wrote her that email. Since then, she called hubby, he called her. She didn't invite us anywhere (she always does) and she didn't ask to come over or say she's on her way over.

I've been home free from her for over a month now. Can I expect things to stay this way or is it a coincidence? Could she be staying away from me to avoid me chewing her out again? Or is she just "busy"?

Answer 1

Maybe your husband told her to stay away from you.  Or maybe she decided that since you don't like her, she's just going to keep out for a little bit.  Maybe she wants you to really miss her, and thinks that you'll call her any day now asking her to come over.  I'll bet that she's embarrassed and doesn't want to fight with you so she's just avoiding you altogether.  Once she really starts to miss your daughter, she'll call you when she's "in the area" and want to just "pop by".  Has she been spending time with your husband and daugther without you?  Does your husband speak with her regularly?  Have you brought up to your husband how nice it with without your mil around?  At least you can enjoy the time you have without her now, because more than likely, she'll be in your life again before you know it!

Answer 2

I say good for your husband for taking a stand for you.

...but, some of the things you have explained seem petty and insignificant compared to having family in your life.

  Family comes in all kinds of crazy characters that can be annoying. I am sad that you kicked her out of your life. You may not have liked the way she acted, but I think there could have been a middle ground here.

  Consider that you may have really hurt her feelings, too.

  I would rather have a crazy, pushy mother-in-law around sometimes than to eliminate a relationship that could have something to offer to your child.

  This is your husbands MOM! She raised him, didn't she? I'm not saying that she should do what she wants, but have some compassion and accept her kindly while you lay down your rules. Explain to her what is important to you and then let her make the choice as to whether she is willing to visit by your rules, or stay away.

Even crazy moms need some respect. If you kick her out of your life you may regret it someday.

....Oh yeah, one more thing. Emailing thoughts like that is not a good idea. You should have talked to her instead.