Why have I seen such negative views of adoption in here?

Question

I am a birthmom and I think adoption is wonderful IF done for the RIGHT reasons. But you hear so many people come through Answers and ridicule young women who are thinking about placing their unborn child ("You make it, you keep it." and "If you don't want the responsibility, get an abortion"). While I know there are agencies and lawyers who are unethical and co-erce expectant moms, fail to properly inform the expectant father, and lie to prospective adoptive parents, what of those who do everything right? What about those of us who KNEW we were in no way capable of caring for a child, no matter how much we loved them? What about those couples who could not have babies of their own and are overjoyed when the expectant mother picks them? No money is exchanged. Just lots of tears and hugs and happiness. My little girl is three months old. I just recently got a pic. I have never seen such a happy and healthy little girl. They love her as much as I love her.

Answer 1

Well, I guess we found out! Holy cow, Heaven L! State your sources. A Child Called It is one child's story. And dang it--that book had absolutely nothing to do with adoption. That was his birth mother. The chance of abuse does not increase. If you're going to be on here spewing this, prove it.

Oh, I try to keep my cool most of the time on here, but now I'm ticked. When do you think the chances of abuse are higher? A couple that wanted a child so desperately and got one? Or a single mom who isn't able (for whatever reason, which is really no ones business) to take care of that child? Use a grain of common sense.

There is nothing more selfless and loving in this world than giving a child a loving home--whether that be your own home, or if you're not able, someone Else's. I guess the answer here comes down to selfishness.

I was adopted, and do not suffer these inevitable feelings of inadequacy. I don't sit around and wonder why I was given up. I know why. My birth mom loved me enough to do what was right for me! Not herself! Selfless love. What could be more admirable?

Answer 2

I haven't seen it, but haven't been looking for it. I am all for adoption when it comes to saving a babies life, I am so against abortion. I think the woman that carries to term, regardless of what people say, and then gives the baby up for adoption, for whatever reason that is important, is admirable. I just don't have respect for women that kill a baby for their petty reasons.

Answer 3

I'll tell you why i hate adoption. ITs for the simple fact that no matter how hard i try i cant fathom HOW  mother can GIVE AWAY a child that took her 9 months of pain, uncomfort etc to make! Thats your flesh and blood a living breathing thinking human being, i dont even like to give away my cookies much less. Not only that, you might THINK that there are a bunch of people who dont have babies and that theyre lining up at the adoption agency THIS IS NOT TRUE. fact is, way more children are being put up for adoption than getting adopted, then theres the VERY HIGH risks of them being abused, in fact theyre more likely to get abused cuz lets face it, the people who have them DID NOT make them so in most cases they could care less that bond isnt there. The other percentage of adopted children are often unhappy and deep down inside wonder why their parents gave them away, they will forever have feelings of inadequacy, its a fact. Personally i would rather have an abortion where the fetus feels NO PAIN, they dont have to come into this world to be abused and tortured by people, where they will feel REAL PAIN and REAL SUFFERING.

edit, i apoligize i read the book a while back i thought it was his adopted mother. ok.

So you have a child already and gave the other one away? my dear  to me THAT IS NO EXCUSE. My aunt has 12 kids, yes TWELVE. one could argue that birth control would benefit her, but theres no way in h**l she would give ANY of them away NEVER NOT HAPPENIN and she isnt rich by any means. I dont care how bad you THINK your situation is, theres always someone out there much worse off and they keep their children, sure its a struggle but so what? If i had no arms no legs on welfare had 2 pennies in the bank i STILL wouldnt give my child away, where theres a will theres a way and i know in the end i will make it. Im not judging u so dont feel that way, you asked why there are negative views of adoption and im telling you mine, the fact that you have had one yourself would make it seem like im attacking you which im not.

Answer 4

I don't know why I was adopted by wonderful people.I thank god daily for giving me the parents i have. My biological mother was 15 and could no way raise me. I think you are responsible and unselfish knowing she would be better off and loved being raised by someone who is in better position to raise her.

Answer 5

WELL I AGREE 200% with you dear this is a huge crazy world and i believe you have made a supreme decision i congratualate you upon being so senable GOD BLESS YOU ~~~the child you gave up for adoption is very happy -loved and yes you are rite again being extremely well cared for! if IF ONLY MORE FELT AS YOU AND JUST DIDNT walk to the nearest pharmacy for the morning after pill and worse yet a abortion omg let anyone see the you tube abortion will scrunch its sad so sad seems many today have more respect for animal life then human at times? any how i am a mom of 3 i choose to marry young been married nearly 30 yrs had our ups n downs and not everyone ever has a marriage made in heaven~seems you have had your share and more on your plate i am sorry but yes you are one smart young lady and i know so many whom have adopted and they will hold you highly forever in the palm of there hands and hearts!!!!!!!thank you !!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Thank you thank you.  I am so tired of the birth mother being painted as something that she is not. I am an adoptive mother and I know it was hard for the birth mother to give up her child. People here don't seem to view is a selfless act as I do. Like Moses' mother did him. To give him what she could not at the time.  God bless you. I send photo's to my birth mothers of the kids too with updates.

Answer 7

once upon a time, my mother made the "best possible decision" for US at that time. And once upon a time, i was a happy little baby, the light of all of my parents eyes and dreams. And then, i grew up and spoke with a voice of my own.

Answer 8

You will see opinions on both sides on here...actually on all sides.  You will have some that are all for abortion and see no reason for adoptions then you will find those that will say abortion is murder and go for adoption, then you have the ones that think it is wrong to kill or give away your baby, then you have some that are all confused on their views and not sure how they really feel.

Me I think Adoption is great.  Some woman simply can't get pregnant or don't want to for whatever reason so woman that can't raise their babies have them as a gift for woman who can't have them.  And now with adoption so popular with homsexuals it is really great because they can still be a family with kids.  Then you have single guys that want kids but don't want a wife (yes it does happen lol) so they can adopt.  

You did what was right for you.  You gave your baby the best life you could and you did something very selfless by doing that.  You seen that you couldn't give her the life she would need and so you wanted better for her.  That really is being a mother, doing what is best for your child.  And with the way you did it you also get to know your little girl is ok which is great and someday she will know you too and know you loved her enough to give her a wonderful home and you only wanted what you felt was best for her.

Answer 9

i don't know why there aren't more adoptions out there and there are so many that at least give the babies a chance to live with new people. that is what is should be abortion is killing a person and it should be told so they know or see how the abortion comes out. if many people saw the death and awful stuff they do to those babies with eyes arms and heads and stuff they would flip and never turn to abortions. they are little people from conception. take care.

Answer 10

i'm not sure....maybe it's because of all of the teenagers (like 13 to 17 year olds) that seem to come on here daily asking for help of how to tell their mothers/fathers/family that they're pregnant, or they're an unmarried couple....stupid stuff like that. i think that people look at the entire situation and point their fingers at that instead of telling them to think of adoption....but that's just my opinion. i really truly think that some people on here are just biased and once they read that the woman is unmarried and doesn't want the baby they automatically think "another mouth to feed while the mother is on welfare"....but that's just me....frankly, i applaud mothers who put their kids up for adoption instead of aborting them, it's good for the couples who can't have kids or whatever. so, bless your soul and know that you did the right thing! forget about the bad mouthers, until those people are in the same situation themselves they are going to think biased like that, which is very very sad....

Answer 11

I am glad that you found a good family for your little girl. I am just the opposite of what you described. I believe that adoption is always preferable to abortion. My husband and brother-in-law are adopted. My in-laws like so many couple couldn't have children of their own.

I do believe that the father should be notified that his child is being placed for adoption. There are many men that would gladly raise their children, after all the child wasn't made alone and the decision shouldn't be made alone.

Heaven L you need to do some research. My husband and his brother their b-mom abandoned them. That's the "woman" that gave birth to them. We found her about 4 yrs ago. She couldn't remember their birthdays, what time they were done, how much they weighed, nothing. Just because a woman's uterus and ovaries function doesn't make them a mother. My niece and nephews birth mother hasn't been a part of their lives in 13 yrs because she would rather be partying than be a mother so he has his children.

You can't assume that just because a woman has a child she is the best person to raise that child.

Answer 12

you have issues. SInce this was not an actual question more like a rant I spammed you

Answer 13

who knows, i don't, i'd love to adopt a child but can't afford it.

Answer 14

I can't believe it if anybody has had any negative views on adoption. I think it is beautiful. It is a wonderful gift to deserving families... not to mention a beautiful gift of life to a little child. I deplore the fact that people might choose killing their baby over letting him/her live a full and wonderful life. God bless you for being a birthmom!!! If anybody has said anything negative to you, then they are simply ignorant!

Answer 15

One word...ignorance.

The people that come here to chastise, ridicule, and degrade often "arm" themselves with information from the one negative article that they have plucked out of the thousands of positive articles.  

The people that say that it costs more to adopt a caucasian child "because they are worth more" based on an article that says that a certain agency has higher fees for caucasian children.  They fail to mention that the same agency is apparently focused on adoptions of African American children.  It serves their purpose to promote the adoption of African American children.

Others say that the reason a birth mom places a child for adoption is because she doesn't want the child becuase the child will be "in the way of their plans".  The plans that are often cited are college, career, and partying.  In fact, many birth moms would keep the child if they felt that they could provide a safe and stable home for the child.  Many birth moms go on to keep children that they have later in life, when they can provide these things.  College and career are sometimes factors in the realization that they can't currently provide these things, but it isn't because they want to go to college or have a career more than have a child.

Another argument is that the adoptive parents are "buying a baby".  The simple fact is that this is not true.  Buying babies is illegal, unethical, and not any part of a loving decision.

Answer 16

I think that you answered your own question, adoption gives a loving home to a child IF it is done for the right reasons and IF the parents are honest with the child about their adoption and IF the adoptive parents respect that the child has another set of parents.

I think that people develop negative views about adoption when those IFs are violated.  It is very common for women to be coerced into "choosing" adoption, it is very common for parents (both birth parents and adoptive parents) to not openly discuss adoption with the child, and it is very common for adoptive parents to be in denial about the fact that their adoptee has a first family.  All are damaging to the adoptee.

You sound like a wonderful mother who is very proud of her decision and who is very proud of her little girl.  I don't see how anyone could have a negative view of you!

Answer 17

I will never put down a birth mom!  If it hadn't been for the unselfish act of wanting more for her child than she could give, I would not have my oldest son.  She gave my husband and I the greatest gift ever...the gift of a child to love.  I had been trying to get pregnant for 8 years when our dream came true via adoption.  

I applaud you for not taking the easy way out...abortion.  For having your child and giving joy and love to a childless couple and giving your little girl all the material things you could not provide.  

From one adoptive mother to you, a birth mother...thank you!

Answer 18

Hi!

People do not adopt just to meet a need in the child but to meet needs of their own. This is a very delicate balance that needs support and careful handling.

While adoption can be wonderful for both child and new parents, it can be very hurtful both ways if things go sour. I've come across a number of adoptive parents who were fine with the cute little baby stage, but totally out of their depth with the difficult teenage years. For children whose adoptive parents also give up on them, its a double rejection whammy that can be very difficult to recover from.

We have campaigns that point out that "a puppy is not just for Christmas - it's for life" that discourage impulsive cute puppy purchasing, we need to be far more vigorous in pointing out the pitfalls and responsibilities where adoption is concerned.

Good wishes.

Answer 19

I personally believe that adoption can be a wonderful thing.  Most domestic adoptions of newborns, however are not very ethical anymore.  If the adoption happens the way you say it does, I am all for it.  

I also am very pro-choice, because I think both adoption and abortion are very private matters, and only the people involved should have any say in the matter.  Until you have lived someone's life, well you can't make their decisions for them.  

I do think that sometimes first mothers are coerced into placing their babies by agencies and even adoptive parents, and that is NOT right.  

We are planning on adopting to build our family (internationally, and only legal true orphans) and if we went the domestic route, I would NEVER want to take a baby away from a mother who was not 100% sure that adoption was the right choice for her and her child, because otherwise...I would feel greedy, and feel kind of shady, unethical.  Who is to say that I would make a better parent then the first mother?  I wouldn't want to make that judgement call.

Answer 20

Some people just don’t agree with adoption. Of course people can not like it all they want, Adoption has been going on since the begging of time and will still be going on at the end of times. Heck our lord Jesus was basically adopted by Joseph.   Humans are not the only ones who adopt all creatures do. I recently saw a news blurb of a dog that adopted 4 squirrel orphans.

There are some people who wouldn’t even be parents if not for adoption.

Adopted children are no more likely to be abused then natural children. Yes there are some adopted children that get abused, but there are children who are also abused by their birthparents.

It’s truly sad how some people who are

A. not adopted

B. never placed a child for adoption.

C. probably don’t know any adopted people.

Judge adoption. I could absolutely understand hostile towards something if you had or knew someone who had a bad experience. Flesh and blood is so overrated, providing genetic material does not make you someones Parent. There are people who shouldnt even be parents.