Why is CHEATING worst than breaking up with someone?

Question

And why can't we all share the love and share each other with others? Why must we OWN everyone we date?

Can't you love someone and also love others? Can't you provide commitment and still sleep with others?

If I have a girlfriend who loves me, I really don't care if she sleeps with other men, as long as she continues to sleep with me and she is available when I need her. Fair enough...

Answer 1

Relationships isn't about owning someone. Open relationships are fine if you BOTH feel that way. But most people who love eacohther just exclusively want to be with eachother. Cheating is worse because it's lying, going against that other's persons views and sharing yourself intimately with someone else.

Answer 2

Well Mike, what were the ground rules when you started dating her? Did you say that you were NOT looking for a monogamous commitment?

If you let her know up front what you wanted in the relationship, then she is the one who has tried changing the rules.

If you did not discuss your preferences and she was led to believe you both wanted the same thing, then you have broken the relationship rules. The reason it is better to break up with someone you are having a relationship with rather than cheating is that cheating is deception and lying. It also makes the person in your life feel that they are not worth your honesty.

It is always better to be up front with your expectations and preferences from the beginning, as most people enter into a relationship with expectations of monogamy.

Answer 3

because a relationship isn't just about availability of sleeping with someone

Answer 4

There is alot of emotion involved in it.You open your heart to someone and expect them to respect that and when they don't it will hurt you emotionaly.Physical possesions like a new car or house come and go and sure it's hard to loose but you can get another one.People are different they supply you with a warm embrace they can be there for you when the chips are down and you feel like c**p..and such, your house will never love you or provide the same.

As far as seeing other people if your just friends and make that clear to each other and don't get sneaky about it or have s*x and sleep with them then it's ok.s*x is not a right.It is something very special you do out of love for another person.

Answer 5

For the most part, cheating is considered a shameful act. An act of betrayal and hurt.

Then you got those "open relationships" (I'm guessing that's the type you're in) were each party supports and even encourages the others decision to sleep with other people. Nothing wrong with that so long as both parties involved are happy with the lifestyle. I myself tend to find those type of relationships a rather turn-on because of the whole "taboo" aspect to it.

Answer 6

because it's dishonest

you can > plenty of people have open relationships. i completely agree with you, it's not necessary to be monogamous. but this is the norm, and unfortunately some closed minded people don't always understand such 'abnormal' behaviour

Answer 7

He cheats, he dies.  That's it!

Answer 8

Well, most people, once they become seriously involved with someone, don't want to have relationships with other people.  It you do, then the relationship you are in is probably not entirely satisfactory.

Some people do put up with their partners or spouses having affairs with other people, but it is rarely a happy situation, just a rather sad compromise.  Or they get to a stage where they just don't care any more, but that's not exactly an inviting prospect either.

I suspect if you had a girlfriend you really loved, you would not be happy with her sleeping with other men.  And if she really loved you, she wouldn't be happy with you sleeping with other women.

Answer 9

Cheating is generally separated from having an open relationship.

Cheating involves deception which I would argue is detrimental to any kind of healthy partnership.

Love whomever you like - just be honest about it so that others can make their own decisions.

Answer 10

as another poster said: cheating is different than having an open relationship. you cannot be committed to someone while lying to them, it destroys trust which is the foundation of a good relationship.

(as for the job thing--having a second job is grounds for termination at my company...)

Answer 11

Aren't you asking for STDs, if she sleeps with other men and is still in a relationship with you? Isn't she asking for STDS if you sleep around and she is fine with it while you are still in a relationship? This seems like a debate between relationships and open relationships, monogamy vs polygamy, even though this isn't technically polygamy, it kinda is since one is with other partners while still in a committed relationship. I think cheating is worse, because it is behind someones back and against one's trust, whereas, breaking up is something where things don't work and the couple or one partner is ready to go their own way and being up front and not doing something against the other's trust or behind their back.

What's the big deal anyways if it's ok or not. Just find a swinger chick and you should be fine. i'm sure there are plenty or since that is your relationship now, you apparently are in an open relationship or a possibly swinger chick.

Answer 12

Jealousy is as valid, healthy and necessary as love.

Good luck with raising some other guys baby...

Chump.

Answer 13

That's not the same thing as cheating. If you both consent to an open relationship, good for you. Cheating is when one person chooses to be "open" when the other person doesn't want them to be.

The point is that you both have to consent to the type of relationship you're going to have.

Edit: And by the way, people often think they're more interested in open relationships than they actually are. When the partner starts sleeping around, they suddenly realize that they don't like the idea so much.

Answer 14

For you to choose to allow that to her, does not obligate her to allow the same for you. Your statement is about your own allowances, and if others feel differently that is their perogative.

If you truly love someone even if their behaviour is insecure or causes you to have to give something up in some fashion. Then you should be giving that up freely.

Basically after a fashion.

You can't have it both ways. You are claiming to want "free love" but you are being oppressive about the ideology claiming it is unreasonable to think otherwise, and using that to be guilting. Which is hypocritical.

As for cheating, it isn't cheating if you have permission. Cheating on someone is lieing to them, deceiving them in a way that is very deep and hurtful. Breaking up with them contains no dishonesty, often times it is being honest, though sometimes it is also just running away, or being selfish.

You can only divide your commitments so far as you are only dividable so far, a second job takes more out of your day, makes you more tired which makes you less effeicient at one or both. There are no shortage of explanations of why too many divisions doesn't work as well.

Regardless of all of that I posit this, multiple people relationships often seem to start as a "good idea" concepts of free love etc. But except in the case of an old relationship that has been around for a long time that wants a little something extra to put a spark back in, then these things very seldomly end well. It causes hurt, resentment, pain, feelings of betrayal, fear, and a host of other little nasties regardless of the good intentions.

Which makes me suggest you ask the following question to yourself.

"Regardless of whether I am right or wrong, is it worth the risk of hurting someone I care about?"

Answer 15

"Can't you provide commitment and still sleep with others?"

How is that commitment?

And if cheating is ok with both you and your girlfriend go for it, but most people prefer one on one relationships.

No actually when a potential employer asks if you will be commited to your job they generally mean if you will be totaly focused on that job. Which is not possible if you have another.

Answer 16

If you have an open relationship, then it isn't cheating.

If you don't, then it's lying to your partner, who may not think it's worth having an open relationship just to hang on to you - plenty more fish in the sea :-)

Answer 17

Well, if she's sleeping with other men, then she's everyone's girlfriend isn't she? And what happens when her schedule gets so filled up with other men that your bumped down to once a month...then what? I bet you'll be whining that she's not fulfilling your 'needs' any longer.

Sounds to me like you just want an excuse to cheat.

Answer 18

Because it is deceiving, lying, etc.  Breaking up is not.

Answer 19

It's just plain disrespectful.

Cheating is like telling a person "your not very important to me".

I rather someone break up with me than cheat on me. Because then at least they show you some respect. When someone cheats on you, it's obvious they're not with you because you're the cream of the crop.

Answer 20

As long as both of you are open about this and all rules apply equally to the other.

Answer 21

Whatever floats your boat....

You can do that, I can't.  Big whoop.

I'd rather be dumped then cheated on.

Answer 22

I think if you actually had a girlfriend you were in love with, you would totally change THAT tune!

It's not about owning, it's about sharing a relationship with someone. If you're not into being anything but a F-buddy, then that is what you shall get.

s*x ain't got nothin' to do with love, Darling!

Answer 23

Well, that's you. Most of the rest of us prefer total monogamy. If you don't care if your girlfriend sleeps with other men, you obviously don't love her enough.

Answer 24

I'm an only child; I never really learned to share.

If my boyfriend were emotionally attached to someone else as well as to me, I'd constantly be concerned that he likes her better than me. There are only so many hours in the day, so he'd probably be seeing one person more often than another and I wouldn't want that person to be the other girl. And if it WERE me, I'd worry that the other girl would feel bad or get her feelings hurt.

In terms of sleeping with someone else, I'm actually somewhat more OK with that, as long as he talked with me about it and the person had been tested for STDs. And I'd want to make sure that person wasn't liable to get emotionally attached, because I wouldn't want anyone to feel bad.

Emotions are a tricky thing. We can't help who we love, and we can't help what makes us jealous.

Answer 25

Cheating by definition is breaking the rules. If the rules are set and you break them it is betrayal. Make it clear up front what you expect and see how it goes. I expect you will have a much harder time attracting women if you tell them you intend to sleep with whoever you want, when ever you please. Good luck with that.

Answer 26

for hygienic reason? respect for your partner? its probably easier for you because men are born polygamous? ive asked that myself too. but society already dictated that we should have one partner. guess, its already embedded in our psyche too. thats why if you went around cheating your battling with your conscience because somehow you know its wrong to cheat on someone. besides, i guess we're no longer pre historic humans who are mostly governed by instincts. we have somehow developed into a civilized and cultured humans who have somehow learned ethics and morals and stuffs like that. which sometimes sucks right?