Why is adoption glorified?

Question

........."better life"...........greatsest gift..........loving act..........

you know the typical cliches?

Answer 1

It's taking in a child who really needs a family. That's a really good thing.

Answer 2

Well, it really helps those prospective adopters who don't yet feel fully entitled to raise someone else's baby feel entitled, and it helps those young women who don't know what it is like to hold and love their own child part with their flesh and blood.

And if we didn't have these superficial sound bites, we'd have to look at the truth of many infant adoptions and ask, "do you really think it's a good thing to separate that mother and her baby that she just gave birth to before they've had a chance to bond?" Or, "do you really think that there is no way for this mother and child to stay together as a family?' Or, "what will the effects of separating a mother and infant at or near birth have on either this mother or this baby?"

The trite little responses ("better life"...........greatest gift, etc.) help ease the pain of looking at and trying to solve the much bigger social problems that exist, which are the cause of infant adoptions. I doubt that family preservation is a problem too overwhelming for this country to tackle; there are real motivations in separating families.

Glorification is a way to gloss over the problems and it must be fairly problematic if not somewhat conflicting to acknowledge that the foundation of one's "forever family" is built on the tremendous sorrow of the infant/mother separation. Instead of being told of real choices and real consequences women are fed these cliches and many others to help separate her from her child - the loving act!

Cliches enable people to act as superficially as they think; to think that if they say something enough, it will become the truth.

In fact, our children are not gifts, there is no way to know that one life will be better than another, and handing our children over to complete strangers is not a loving act.

Answer 3

Because they are trying to get more people to adopt.  The state doesn't want to continue paying for these children to be parentless because they'll just end up growing up to get in trouble to go right back to making the state pay for them to live as they'll be in jail.  If people would adopt, then a lot of kids would actually be able to get what they can't get now.

Why do you have a problem with the "glorification" of trying to get someone a better life?  Especially when that someone is just a kid who cannot do anything on their own and has yet to learn the hard lessons of life.  No kid should have to go through that.  Obviously you were a rather spoiled child!

Answer 4

Notice how most answers start out with:

"Because it gives infertile/single/g*y/etc. people a chance to be a parent..."

It's always about the adopters, isn't it?  Then coming in a close second is the tired, old, "it's a better alternative to abortion!!!"

But nobody stops to think, hey, geez, maybe the n-mother could have NOT aborted and NOT given the child up but actually parented the child herself?  WOW!  What a novel idea!!

Adoption is glorified because the adopters are seen as either the deserving people whose dreams are being fulfilled (kind of like a modern twist to the Cinderalla story) or they are the saviors, taking in these destitute little orphans and special-needs children and saving their very lives.

God-complex, anyone?  

I've read it straight from the adopters themselves here, many times.  "My son/daughter would have DIED if I didn't adopt him/her!!!"

If the adopters aren't busy patting themselves on the back, then the rest of the population is stepping in line to do it for them.  Look at where our pop-culture is heading...Brangelina, Madonna, the new fashion statement in Hollywood is to snatch up children from third-world orphanages (even if they are not truly orphans and even if the child's family contests it!) and build a nice little collection of kids.  People that we admire, we look up to, we as a culture see as role models, are adopting and it's being "glorified" in magazines, tabloids, news stories, you name it.

You bet it's glorified, for good reasons and for not-so-good reasons.

Too bad, though, that the people MOST affected by it...the adoptees...still don't have a voice.

Answer 5

Because it satisfies two different needed relationships.  Couples (or single men or women) that want to have children and can't do it biologiclly, or choose not to force it, can still raise a child and fullfill that part of their life.  And children, who otherwise would not have known a family, get to be part of a family unit, which is very important devolopmentally for children (on top of the million other reasons why it's great).

Answer 6

People who adopt don't think of it as a way to be "glorified". Yes, they do it to provide a "better life" by a "loving act". Why is it so hard to believe that people can do something wonderful and loving without it being something ugly?

Answer 7

It is not glorified. What do you think would be better to give a child up so it can have a chance in life or for someone to keep it that can't even take care of themselves. Maybe you think abortion (murder) would be better. I would think more of a woman that put her child up for adoption than I would the one that keeps it can't care for it and abuses it. It is an act of love to know that what you are doing is in someone elses best interest and not your own. It is one of the most unselfish things a person can do.

Answer 8

These myths function to compensate for, counter and offset reality

Answer 9

Adoption is not "glorified."

People respect people who adopt children because they are taking the risk of raising a child they do not know. Adopters (if that is a word) are trying to make a difference in a child's life and be a role model to someone who was given up. They have to go through an excruciatingly long process of signing paperwork, talking to a social worker, etc.

Adopters also have to do tons of research. They don't just decide to go to some agency and come back with a child the next day. It takes an amazing amount of patience and dedication to bond with a new child. Biological parents are with their child from day 1 so it is not something they really have to think about.

Some parents are not ready to have children. Adoption is a great alternative to aborton or raising a baby you aren't able to raise. Some adopters are not able to have children and to people who looked forward to having a family it can be a huge, crushing disappointment. I know because my parents can't have kids but they can't afford to adopt.

EDIT: No, about five yrs after my parents had me my dad got sick and then my mom's kidneys shut down after she got an infection that spread through her body. Sorry if I made a "very confusing statement." Adoption is very expensive so they can't afford to adopt.

...I hope this helps you understand the respect people have for adoption.

Answer 10

adoption is glorified because there is benefit in creating the illusion that all young, unmarried women are "bad parents"; hence their children require salvation.

also, there are way too many red-herrings thrown around regarding adoption.  the most common is that "it give a child a home who wouldn't have one."

--wrong! it give a couple a child who couldn't have one on their own. most b/f/n-moms *could* parent, if given the support. btw,  foster/orphan adoption is more the exception than the rule.  the preference is a baby fresh out of the oven.

besides, if there were so many young women just looking to gestate and hand over babies, then why all the biased counseling and birthmother fear???

oh...and one more thing.  ADOPTION IS NOT AN ALTERNATIVE TO ABORTION...

i do have a humble request...

the adoption forum, albeit public, is slightly different than the other pregnancy forums.  people in here usually have some "real" experience with adoption, are adoptees, aparents, b/f/n parents or seek advice.  their experiences do not come from some vicarious adoption story of a cousin or some sappy lifetime tv movie.

with that said, it's extremely frustrating to have to sift through 15 answers of "at least she didn't flush you down the toilet", "you should have kept your legs closed", "i want to adopt a baby when i get older", "people can't have kids so give up yours", before reaching a cogent reply to the question.

although i might not agree with all the "cogent" replies, i do value their opinions, and feel as if i'm having an intelligent discourse with someone who's at least old enough to buy beer!

i other words, please educate yourself a bit more before spamming the forums with a bunch of "my space-like" banter.

merci.

Answer 11

Because it gives a child - whose other alternative was death - a chance to have a life.

Having had friends and a couple of cousins who were adopted, I realize that they felt much more loved than I ever did with my natural parents. I know my parents loved me, but their adoptive parents actually CHOSE them. So think about it... yeah, ok it sounds glorified, but maybe it SHOULD sound that way!

Answer 12

Adoption, you have posted answers before that concern me.  It is quite evident that you are unhappy, depressed, and have a very negative attitude about adoption.  I am so very sorry that you are not in a good place in your life, however, the truth is, adoption should not be glorified. I think you'll learn that most adoptive parents do not label their children as "adopted" "the greatest gift", etc.,when introduced or talked about, they are plain and simle, "their children"..........If the opposite has been your experience, it is my opinion that those individuals are not educated enough on adoption language, nor the true blessing that it is.

I think it would be a great thing for you to become involved in an adoptee support group. You may be able to find them through a local adoption agency in your area, or search the web for chat groups where you can "vent", and relate to others who may feel the same pain you are.

I wish you the best. Adoption can be a wonderful experience for all involved. Yes, there are challenges, but for the most part, I think you'll find that there are more positive stories than negative.

Be well.............

Answer 13

Yes, it is glorified by the people who make money off it, the agencies and attorneys.

But I think there's a 'good for you' factor in it, as well.

I had this wonderful friend who has passed away, named Brian.  A long time ago, he ran into a very popular girl from his old high school, whom he shared an uncomfortable conversation with.  She told him about her effortlessly wonderful life, her good job, travel, etc.  Then she asked him what was going on, and he told her.  Not nearly the fabulous life that 'Laura' was living.

She paused for a moment, and said, "Well, good for you!"  she gave it the old cheerleader pep to sound excited about his life, that was far LESS exciting than hers.  

For years we'd hear a story about someone who had a less than fabulous life, and joke to one another well, 'good for him'!

Under all the faux excitement for adoption MANY people believe it's an arrangement for people who have no other choice.  Mothers who seemingly can't raise her child, children who are in 'need' of a family, and those poor, infertile adopters who are resigned to raise other people's children.

Nobody really wants to be in that situation--any one of them.  Adoption is making the best out of compromised situations.  So people over-compensate with their excitement the way you might upon hearing two drips who probably wouldn't have had the chance at marraige 'find' one another.  Everyone coos at how wonderful it is, all the while glad it's not them.

So when people adopt, they not only get plenty of the GOOD FOR YOU seniment, but some cherries like 'you are really special to adopt' and 'those kids sure are lucky to have you as parents!" too.

Answer 14

Adoption is one answer to a very sad problem.  

My bmother did not want me becuase of a condition I was born with.

Is it wrong for me to be grateful that instead of grudgingly keeping me she gave me to a family who didn't mind my handicap and loved me?

It's not glorified.   It's just one answer.

Answer 15

well it does give that child a better life other than being raised in an orphanage

and some people think that adopting a child and having it know that it is adopted it may appreciate more because it knows that f the parents wouldn't have adopted him/her they might not have as much as they do at the time

Answer 16

uh, why wouldn't it be.......you open your home and hearts to a child by complete choice. you didn't just happen to get pregnant and have to raise your kid. you go out and get one on purpose. you sacrifice your time, money, life to love a child that you didn't conceive. i will glorify this act for as long as i live. i won't glorify certain decisions they may make, though. (closed adoption, adopting just to fill a quota of kids you want, adopting only because you are infertile, etc. etc.)

Answer 17

I was adopted cause my parents couldn't take care of me, but i was adopted by good people....my grand parents

Answer 18

Well, what I want to know is why are the biological parents always pushed into the back of the closet and forgotten?

We always hear how lovely and wonderful the situation is for the adoptive parents but, we never hear how gut-wrenching and heartbreaking it was for the biological parents. No one wants to hear the not-so-nice side of adoption.

No one wants to hear how a lot of biological mothers would have never put their own flesh and blood up for adoption if she had the support systems that she needed. I'm sure a lot of people are scoffing right now reading that statement. But, do your own research. Well over HALF of biological mothers felt forced or coerced into adoption. What does that tell you?

It is sickening sometimes to hear how some people talk about biological parents. They automatically assume they are crack heads, living in some gutter, with no education, and they wouldn't have thought twice about flushing their baby down some toilet. They watched way too many T.V. adoption dramas.

The reality is that most biological parents are scared, young, unsure of where to turn to, etc. They want the best for their child and they are scared of not being able to provide that. Then someone comes along and promises that adoption is the best answer. After all your baby will get two loving parents, a stable home, never want for anything, etc. That someone just conveniently forgets to mention that with the right support system biological parents CAN provide that for their own child as well!

After all, adoption is the best solution for everyone involved including the adoptive parents, the baby, and the biological parents. The adoptive parents get the baby they long dreamed of, the baby gets a loving stable home, and the biological parents can make pretend none of this ever happened and move on with their lives. What a crock of BS!

The only one who even slightly wins is the adoptive parents.

Anyways, I will probably tick a lot of people off with that opinion but, it had to be said.

Good luck and I am glad you have your eyes open to the truth!

Answer 19

It's not "glorified". I pity you that you think this to be the case.

Answer 20

What? Glorified?  It's an alternative to killing your baby or neglecting it.

If that means glorified, than I guess it is.

Answer 21

answer me this- would it be better to abort the baby?  I usually do not get angry about much- except this issue.  I definitely call it a loving act- the birth mom loves her baby enough to give him/her life and place for adoption.  The greatest gift is life- so if the birth mom knows for sure that she cannot raise her child- it would be better to kill the baby?  Come on now, if adoption is glorified, then so be it-  I am one of those children that could have been aborted- and so are my 2 adopted children. 4,000 babies are aborted a day in America alone- does that sound glorifiying to you?

Answer 22

Anytime a life is saved it is a beautiful thing.  I believe our society has put all these cliches out there though to try and put words to feelings that have no words.  Also, but "glorifying" adoption, as you said, it may be to try and make adoptees "feel better" about the circumstances that they were brought to a family.  It appears to feel better that way (to someone who isn't adopted, that is).  

As an adult adoptee and adoptive parent, I jsut hate when I am singled out as the adopted one, or my daughter is singled out.  The adoption was the best thing that happened to us, but it is a sacred event, and we don't talk about the circumstances of a difficult delivery in the hospital for a child that comes to a family trough pregnancy.  I feel taht as a society we should respect the sacred nature of the gift of a life that a child's birth parents made, speak of it with reverance, and follow the adoptee's lead on when and how to discuss it with others.

Just my opinion

Answer 23

Because there are so many people who want children but can't have them and there are so many people who get pregnant and aren't in any position to take care of another life. It is mostly a wonderful thing, but that isn't to say that it is always like that. However, with all the tests and screening that people go through these days, it helps for that happier ending to happen.

Answer 24

Why do you vilify it

Kids who are in care especially or in orphanges abroad  do  get a better life when they are adopted.   Also i like to believe that people do it out of love

Answer 25

Well, people want to really believe that a "better life" is guaranteed to the adopted person.  They also seem to think that the only options are "adoption" and "abortion."  Some who do notice that there is a third option -- raising one's own child -- assume that the natural parent is incapable.

None of these things are the case.  Adopted children, just like non-adopted children, grow up in a variety of families.  Some of these families are good, some not so good, and some quite bad.  Being an adoptive parent does not make someone automatically a good parent.  Yes, they really wanted a child.  But, most of the people I know who raised their own kids really wanted those kids, too.  

There is nothing more noble about adopting than there is about having and raising one's own child.  In both cases, the child is assumed to be wanted, as evidenced by the fact that the child was kept and raised.  In both cases, then, a child was wanted and a child is brought into the family.  The majority of people who adopt have done all they can to achieve and complete a healthy pregnancy resulting in their own child.  They are adopting because they want a child and can't have their own.  Yes, there are some who adopt for other reasons, but they are not the majority.  

Does this make me anti-adoption?  Of course not.  There are plenty of children who do need families because they don't have them.  But, I certainly don't think that I need to ignore the fact that people who adopt are human beings, with all the positive, and negative, qualities that the average human has.  I don't need to believe that being adopted automatically means a child will have a "better life."  There are those who have and those who haven't been fortunate enough to have this.  Sadly, there are even those who have ended up with a worse life, as they've been removed from their adoptive parents' homes due to abuse.

Perhaps some people "glorify" adoption because they don't want to believe that being adopted means being brought up in a home made of normal human beings.  This would perhaps make it seem so futile that the child went from one seemingly non-optimal situation to what could possibly turn out to be another, since there are no guarantees.

How about how adoption affects the natural parents?  I've heard one too many talk about the ongoing hurt of relinquishment.  Sure, I've heard a few say otherwise, but the vast majority of the ones I've know -- and I've known a whole lot of them -- say it's a hurt that has never left them.  No one wants to think that.  They want to think that the natural parents are obviously getting their needs met.  For so many, truly getting their needs met would have meant having the support they needed to raise their own child.