Why is being subservient to one's husband looked upon as being so wrong?

Question

I was raised to believe that men were the head of the household & I have always been attracted to men with a dominant streak. I want to know why some people think that being the helper in the relationship instead of the leader is such a bad thing?

Answer 1

as long as you are happy and that is what makes you happy you go girl.  You can't really have 2 leaders in a relationship at the same time or nothing will every get done, one must give and take once  a couple learns that it is heaven.

good luck my lucky friend who has found happiness don't let anyone take that away from you.

Answer 2

If it is truly free will and accepted by both partners there is nothing wrong with it at all.  You just be you and live your life the way you need to.  At the end of the day you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself so maintain that integrity and enjoy your lifestyle.  Submission is not a sign of weakness or abuse...as long as it is consensual.  It always strikes me as funny when some (please note I DID say SOME, not ALL) feminists/women say submission is abuse and it is wrong.  Why is it that they support women having choices but when a woman plainly and clearly chooses to be submissive they get bent out of shape?  I choose to live a FemDom lifestyle and refuse to have anything to do with a Vanilla relationship, but I don't judge anyone for their choices as long as they are not hurting others (to include each other, children, animals, etc.).  Good luck and take care...

Answer 3

It reminds a lot of women on how they were so oppressed in the past.  Personally I obey my husband.  Since i said that you do recall the tale of the Kettle is Black; take that as a representation of our opinions; thus when we say the kettle is black just because he says so; that means we don't have an opinion of our own.  Now, when you take the kettle and you say "Sorry dear we'll have to agree to disagree; that's a whole new ball game and you're both agreeing to disagreeing; in other words you're still co-operating and that's what it's all about.  Co-operation so that the home runs smoothly.

Answer 4

Most people don't want to be a servant and don't understand why someone would want to be a servant when they can be free.  You admit that you were raised this way so you must see that you are slightly brainwashed.  As you get older you will grow up an learn to think for yourself.

Answer 5

Actually, its a sign of weakness when somebody has to dominate all the time. It doesn't indicate strength at all.

Answer 6

I don't think it is.  Feminists seem to think that housewives are wasting their potential or something, but I would counter by mentioning the fact that raising children is perhaps the ultimate realization of potential within the human race.

Answer 7

because a relationship should be equal. It's a life partnership, and both parties of the relationship should have equal respect, equal say, authority, responsibility and love. If it's a loving relationship no one has the right or authority to be the master or boss of another. I  don't think it's fair or just, but that's my personal preference.

Answer 8

It isn't wrong at all. You're free to do what you want with your life.

Women have a choice to do what they want, and that choice goes both ways. Some people prefer equal leadership of the house, some prefer dominance.

Nobody can tell you what you are doing is 'wrong', because this isn't something that can be labeled as 'right' or 'wrong'. It depends on the viewpoint. Unfortunately, while promoting choice for women, many women contradict themselves by saying the choice to be subservient is 'wrong'. If they promote choice, they should be open and let women do what they want with their lives.

If you want to do it, do it. But do make sure it doesn't get out of hand. (I'm sure you don't enjoy getting beaten or raped. Which woman does?) That's the exact mistake feminists and others make when they say that choice is 'wrong'. They equate submissiveness or subservience to abuse, which need not be the case.

That's all I have to say.

Answer 9

it means u have no pride if u let ur husband treat u as an inferior and as if ur property.

Answer 10

I'm a feminist, and I'm attracted to dominant men because that's just what excites me. I enjoy playing submissive for fun.  Submissive men make me feel awkward. Being submissive does NOT mean that you are being treated as inferior!  

As long as there's no harm in it (I certainly don't want to be beaten), what's the problem?  However, I don't necessarily think that men are always the head of the household. I think women should have say as well, but I know what you mean about liking a dominant streak.  

Honestly, I dated a man that was submissive to me and I wanted to jump off a cliff. It made me feel so weird! I would prefer an assertive and tough man anyday.....The type that would just grab me when he comes home..not get on his knees and start reading me a poem about how I'm a goddess. No thank you.

We all have our own preferences.

As long as you like how things are, that's all that matters.  Feminism is about CHOICE. ;) If you choose to be married to an assertive man, so be it.

Answer 11

It's not bad. Some women just have a self-centered attitute (feminists) where they never want to answer to anyone or compromise with anyone.

Ignore toxic attitudes like that... these women have issues with self-esteem and self worth and they don't like seeing other women with GOOD men being HAPPY.

Answer 12

A relationship should be a partnership of equals. The thought of one human being as subservient to another is repellent to me.

I don't want to be the 'leader' in a relationship, and I don't want to be the 'helper' either.

What's wrong with being subservient if that's what you want? Two things.

First, other women fought long and hard for years for your rights within marriage - your property rights, your rights (such as they are) to protection against domestic violence and sexual assault within marriage, your rights to your kids, your right to divorce , to name a few.

Second and even more important, you are giving the message to any children you have that this is the way men and women interact, with women being weaker and inferior;  demonstrating a relationship of two unequal people, with one being subservient to the other's will even though she is an adult herself.

How much better to demonstrate to your daughters that they can be strong and respected within a partnership, and to your sons that they should show respect to women and regard them as equals.

Oh, and third of course - every man who ever raised his hand to a woman believed men should be the leader, the dominant one, and women should be subservient.

Answer 13

Being the "helper" in the relationship is different from being "subservient." Being the helper just means you aren't the breadwinner and a lot of the work is taken care of by your partner. Being "subservient" means the other person makes decisions FOR you and you blindly follow.

There's nothing wrong with being the helper, but there is something wrong with being subservient* because it means you're not making choices on your own, and you need to be able to see when a relationship isn't healthy for you.

Answer 14

If you want to be a second-class citizen, it is your right.  Frankly, I don't like being dominated by anyone.

Answer 15

well what relationship is it?

a leader/ follower?

or

master/ servant?

or

partners?

personally nothing beats an equal relationship.  I'm not brainless, I'm not weak, and I'm not property.

Answer 16

It may be considered "weak" if you allow your husband to totally dominate your life. However nothing'w wrong with being submissive.

Answer 17

it's not wrong if that's your thing. it becomes wrong when society is like that and men are considered correct in all or most things simply because they are men. that's a "might makes right" mentality that some men have "i can beat you up, so you do as i say".

unfortunatly, while raising children is most vital to society, so is food service, construction work, and sanitation. all of these jobs are looked down upon, do not pay well, and no one wants their kid to grow up to be a sanitation worker. sadly, being a housewife is respected about as much as being a garbageman by most men.

if a man is attracted to dominant woman (few are, but there are a few) that is fine. if you are atracted to dominant men because that's how you are raised, that's fine. if you have a daughter and a son and they refuse to share a toy and you tell your daughter "give it to your brother because he is a man" then it's no longer quite so fine. women should not be second-class citizens just for how they were born!

i notice your avatar skin color is black/dark. in the 1800, everone was raised that black people should be submissive to whites, and BOTH black and white believed it. since you are in-between a person raised in 1800 woudl probably tell you that you are in-between those too! i'm sure if a black and white kid both wanted a toy, the white one would get it. that is wrong for race and it is wrong for s*x.

but i am submissive to my boyfriend just a *little* bit, but only for show :) we play the game of letting him lead because i gave up on getting equality.

there is a difference between "submissive" and "obedient" too. a very BIG difference. obedience is slavery.

but men and women still are different, and there is history and culture, and it's easy to play roles that people know how to play but it's hard to be yourself and forge your own ground. only young people do that!

while only a few lunatics believe there can be a supperior race, a surprising number of americans both men and women still think men should be just a little dominant.

so i play the role a little but but everyone knows it's just a role.

but as an american woman, i can make my own living, i can support kids if i have to, so i do not have to take any abuse. i'll play the submissive game but only so far. there is no part of me that thinks one person is *right* just because he is a man. i just let him be the first one to suggest a restaurant or a date as a game to let him feel happy. there is no part of me that thinks he is any better at this than i am, and he knows it too. it is just a game we play.

when i was young and femminist i dreamed of equality but i gave up on that. but even submisive, women have a lot of power. they have the power to say "no". the man asks, the woman decides, lol!

which is the difference between submissive (which is ok, as long as gender does not always determine who is submissive) and obedient (obedience is good only in the army!)

Answer 18

What goes on between 2 consenting adults is there business

Answer 19

That's the beauty of feminism! We fight for your CHOICE to interact with partners whatever way you see fit; as opposed to living in a society where you are EXPECTED to be submissive to men, as anti-feminists often see fit.

Answer 20

I don't think it's necessarily wrong, but every person should have the option to live the life the way they want.  It's one thing to be subservient because you want to be, it's another to be subservient because you don't know better or have no other choice.

Answer 21

By being subservient, you're relegating yourself to a lower position and allowing yourself to be led around by someone else. That arrangement is fine if you're naturally a follower to begin with but for those who aren't, it can lead to self-esteem problems and resentment.

Answer 22

I think the idea of a woman being submissive  has a lot of negative connotations for many people.  It suggests repression, the woman being treated badly etc.  A lot of people seem to believe that a woman who is submissive must necessarily be badly treated and her opinions held to be of no account.

But if it is a relationship entered into freely with both partners thinking about each other's needs and feelings, then it can be a good thing.  I see it as something that is a personal choice, it works for some people but not for others. In my own marriage, it has opened up communication between us and brought us much closer together.  Plus having the added bonus that I feel much more strongly attracted to my husband than I did before.

I think also there is some confusion in people's minds between being submissive and being a stay-at-home wife, the two things can go together but they need not, a lot of high-powered career women prefer to be submissive to their husbands in their personal lives for instance.  A lot of housewives aren't submissive at all.

As for it sending out the wrong message to your children - well, if you are in a happy marriage then the main message the children are likely to get is that their parents love each other and are happy together, which I think is a good message.   If the question comes up, then it is easy enough to deal with.  Not long ago, no. 2 son  said to to me "Who's th eleader in our house?" "Dad is" I said "And who's second leader?" he asked "I am" I said (this seemed to disappoint him, I think he had ambitions to fill the role). "Why can't you just be equal?" he asked me.  "We could" I said "but this is just the way it suits us" He seemed to absorb this quite easily. "Dad's the Captain" he said to no.3 son "and Mum's the First mate."