Why is being sumbissive deemed so negatively?

Question

I have read several posts that talk about a wife being submissive to her husband. I have seen so many angry women and misguided men saying a woman should never be submissive to her husband, they are equal...etc, etc. But I think that people have the wrong view on the word submission. I am a submissive wife, but being submissive does not mean being a doormat, a mute or a weak person. Being submissive is letting your husband take the lead, the way God intended. My husband and I discuss every major change, decision and obsticle in our lives. He listens to me and more than often goes with my advise or decisions, when he doesn't, I am submissive and allow him to make the final decision. There is nothing wrong with that. B4 I get posts of what if he wants to gamble all the money away, if your husband is filled with Christ his attentions toward the team is never in malice. I am not foolish enough to let him gamble away all the money or the like. Is it the word submission that scares

Answer 1

There is nothing wrong with being submissive, to your husband, or a husband to his wife if that is what both spouses want. DO NOT let anyone tell you how to live your life or conduct your marriage, You and your husband have a good thing going, who cares what any one thinks, they are not living your life. As far as people who think down on it do not understand your happiness and are ignorant to the facts

Answer 2

both husband and wife have equal rights, powers and duty in a marriage, but in some issue, husband knows better, in some issue wife knows the things better, so in my view point, each one can say what they feel , and come to a conclusion which is best,

no one submissive,

Answer 3

Because the term literally means this:

To defer to another's judgment, opinion, decision, etc.

and this:

Merriam-Webster's Medical Dictionary

Function: adjective

: characterized by tendencies to yield to the will or authority of others <the patient had a submissive personality with strong parental attachments> —sub·mis·sive·ness noun

I also think you are confusing submissive with compromise. By discussing a situation and coming to an amicable conclusion, that is more compromise than submission.

These days to submit means to hand over your will to another, which is in a way a form of enslaving yourself.

Your marriage seems to be different from that.

Answer 4

I don't think there is anything wrong with being submissive if it is what suits you, but I don't think it is for everyone.  some women are not temperementally suited to being submissive, and some men are not suited to being leaders.

I think what some people object to (and frankly it is something I object to myself) is the idea that it is the way everyone should be.

However, I also think it is quite unrealistic for anyone to say that a person should never be submissive, because if that is the way you feel like being, you are likely to be a lot happier if you get the kind of relationship you want.

Answer 5

Your assuming most people are Christian.  Most people spend their lives trying to be self determined and being submissive doesn't fit into that model.

Answer 6

Always being submissive means that you are not equal. Sorry, but it does. Your final decision is less important that your husbands, just because you are female. That's inequality. That's why it's viewed negatively. If you want to live like that fine, but don't expect the rest of us to want to as well.

HOW does it take strength to submit exactly? The only way I can see is if you feel compelled to go against your own view/will. Which supports my original understanding of submission. And it takes strength to stand up for your views when others disagree. Compliance is actually rather easy, in comparision. Compromise is another case entirely, submission is not compromise.

Many, many non-christian marriages work. Does that mean atheism is right? Or hinduism/judaism etc. It will work for *some people* and the Bible is wrong in suggesting it works for everyone, see?

Answer 7

Its simply a matter of adopting social roles. At work I am 'submissive' to my boss in my role as employee. I don't think that my boss is a better person than me, but it just so happens that it suits me (and them) just fine that they take the lead & I follow. They also get more pay, but also take more responsibility. If this relationship didn't work for me I would quit.

One of the problems these days is that everyone wants to be the leader, but a society doesn't work when there are all generals and no troops.

Answer 8

Submissiveness is deemed to be a dreadful threat to modern feminism as it hurts others' feelings and prevents their use of thought control on you, clearly in defiance of fascist & socialist ideology.

Answer 9

I'm a Christian as well & share the same beliefs that you do. Unfortunately, many people today are unreligious & do not want to conform nor consider our beliefs, it's very sad but keep doing your thing girl! I support you.

Answer 10

Notice the word "subordinate" not "submissive".

    " Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.

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    For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body.

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    As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything."

The instructions are clear.

Answer 11

Yes this is what God intended. When people don't as God says evil prevails. A wife who isn't submissive may lead her husband to seek his pleasures elsewhere (with another woman :S).

Answer 12

It isn't - it is only deemed negatively by women who want to do otherwise.

Likewise, being a 'career woman' is only deemed negative by women who choose otherwise.

If you're happy with your decision, why do you feel the need to explain yourself to people?  Living well is the best revenge, right?  :-)

Answer 13

Two problems

1. This issue is one of the most frequently MISrepresented concepts in the Bible.  If we cannot even understand it, we cannot hope to practice it.

2. Many men, being fallible humans, are not capable of Biblical leadership - they go over the line and become controlling, or they make self-centered decisions that negatively affect the wife and children.    The suggestion literally sets up the man, and subsequently the relationship,  for failure.

In short, the Biblical model, like so many other ideologies, may be attractive in theory, but ends up being horrendous in actual practice.

Edit: Doodlebug, you make a good point with your business analogy, but why is the man arbitrarily designated as the leader of the family unit?  

Woman can be good leaders too.  And some men are absolutely inept in the leadership department.  

The Biblical model makes no allowance for such individual differences, and the result can be unhappy, ineffective relationships.      And I really don't think that was the intent.

Answer 14

That doesn't sound very submissive to me. If you really were submissive, your husband could do whatever he pleased and expect you to say "Of course, dear" in response every time. If anything, your marriage is as equitable as it gets.

Answer 15

I agree with the first comment made in response to your question - if you leave the final say to your husband then you are not equal. Equality is neither person having the final power or say over another. You are happy to be submissive - great keep on being lead instead of leading but dont bring your children up to see this as society can do without this seemingly unending male dominance which can be seen in every aspect of society except perhaps childcare - leaving that (the least important?) job to the measly women folk. Do you ever ask yourself why your husband has the last say and not you? Are you not as important or worthy as him?

Answer 16

Some thoughts:

1. Many submissive women only do so because this is the way they believe they should act, not because they want to. This may be due to religion or family pressure.

2. If you are submissive and always leave the final decision to your husband you are NOT equal. Sorry, you can tell yourself you are until you're blue in the face, but you're not.

3. Giving up all control in your life is kind of what children or mental health patients do. It's kind of admitting you're not quite capable of looking after yourself. Sorry, but any person not capable of looking after themselves isn't a normal adult human being. Some people have to rely on other people because of physical disability etc. But for an otherwise healthy person to do so is just weird.

4. The Bible does not view women as equal to men.

edit

even the word itself should give you a clue > 'sub' = 'under'

Answer 17

1)Not everyone is Christian and lives by the Bible.

Also a lot of men can become controlling if they have a wife who is submissive. This sometimes makes him thing he is smarter and stronger.  I don't know about you, but I am a very intelligent, strong, and independent woman. I do not need a man to tell me what to do or make decisions for me. I am not a pet. However I do not mind compromise.