Why is everyone asking for my baby?

Question

I placed my last child for adoption and it nearly killed me. I'm pregnant again and thrilled (and keeping the baby) but everyone I tell that knows I placed my son asks if they can adopt this one or says I should give the baby to so and so. Whats the deal?! I'm actually kind of offended, it's like they're saying I'm not capable of caring for a child. What do I say to these people?

Answer 1

because some people are entitled, evil, vultures!

tell them to kiss your (and your baby's) a$s!

sorry if that's vulgar, but the entitlement some people display for other's children is far more vulgar.

Answer 2

You said it all in your email, they are idiots to assume you would give up your second child just because you gave up your first and if they have lost any children , they would know another child can't possibly take your other childs place, that is ridiculous.

Answer 3

You should be offended.  Try telling them you're not an incubator for other people's desires.  Or tell them who you think could provide a better home for their children.

Better yet, tell them your baby shower date and invite them to attend.  

People like this make me ill.

Answer 4

Last week I called these people 'vultures', and many told me I was awful.

Thanks for proving my point.  Some people have no shame.

The best mother for your child is YOU, don't let anyone tell you any different.

Best of luck!

Answer 5

I cant fathom how 8months ago you could give away a child, but now you can keep another one ? (that will according to you fill the hole in your heart - which it wont btw)

If I was that adopted child I would have a Major child on my shoulder my entire life because of it..Oh wait I do already because my Mother kept my sister and gave me away .....

At a Pinch the reason people are asking you to give this baby up for adoption would be for the fact that they cant comprehend giving away a baby 8 mths ago but now you can care for one ?

I applaud you for Keeping this baby but I just can not understand why you could give one away 8mths ago and now keep this baby.

I'm sorry that you couldnt see the wood for the trees with your first baby. But please dont use this baby to replace your 1st baby. I wish you the best in parenting this baby and I truly hope you will find a way to make your 1st baby understand this one day

Answer 6

2 words here one 4 letters begins with f the other 3 and ends in o thats what you should tell them who the h**l they think they are they have no right tell them there is plenty of kids around the world that needs adopting if they want one go adopt one of those and leave yours alone

Answer 7

Iv'e has ppl ask me that also if i was to ever get preg again would i give them baby to my daugthers a parents. I think ppl mean well but they never know what b mom go threw the first time and there are mothers out there that do get preg again and they're baby does go to the a parents cause o whatever the situation. I simple told ppl that asked me that was the right choice i made for her but i couldnt go threw that kind of pain again and even thogh that was the right choice for me then its not now. Hope this helps

Answer 8

Simply say No thank you. It's not what you say but how you say it that gets your point across.

Just Me: Talk about just wrong!!!  I see you have been here for a few weeks now. This isn't polls and surveys it's the adoption section and there are "some" real people in here with real issues. If your world is so pristine good for you. Some of us have had to make some real heart wrenching decisions and learn to live with the consequences.

I hope all your answers aren't going to be this distasteful. Just exactly what is WRONG about keeping a child?

Answer 9

Let them know that just because you gave your other child up for adoption that doesn't mean you're going to do the same with this one. Let them know that this child is yours and only yours and that you don't intecnd to give this one up for adoption. That's all you have to do so yea. Good luck hun and congrats on your pregnancy. Hope it all goes well for you.

Answer 10

They probably think that you don't want the baby because you gave the other one away.Tell them that it's your baby and not their so back off!

xoxo

-Blah

Answer 11

If I were you I would tell these people " I already know who the he** I'm giving my baby to MYSELF! " and then walk away because they should think more of you as an expectant mother than that!

Answer 12

Tell them to back off and get a life. Its yours. Have fun. Bless your kid. (That wil come lol)

Answer 13

"I'm not sure why you're assuming I am not parenting, because I certainly did not tell you that!"

"What gave you the idea that I wanted your opinion about that?"

"Oh, did you think I was asking your opinion about my pregnancy?"

"Excuse me, but that's really none of your business."

"You know, that is really hurtful."

"I'm afraid you have the wrong idea.  I am parenting this baby!"

"I wish you had heard what I said.  I am parenting."

"It is frustrating that you are assuming things about my life."

You know, I placed my last baby for adoption because I thought that was the best decision possible.  That doesn't mean that I don't want to parent now."

"Parenting is a really personal decision.  That's really hurtful."

"Adoption was the choice I made then.  Parenting is the choice I am making now."

"If I had wanted to place my baby for adoption, I would have said that."

"Even if I were placing my baby for adoption, I wouldn't do that.  That's offensive."

You know, you may mean well, but that's really private."

Answer 14

why didnt you keep the last child, thats probly why they think you wont keep this one. kids dont always come when you want them but you should always be there for them when they do. why do you want this child and not the last one.

Answer 15

that its your decision and for them to back off

Answer 16

Because there are SOME people out there who are so blinded by baby lust that all sense of decorum and tact goes out the window when they think they can score a kid.

Tell the vultures to stick it.

Answer 17

I would thank them for their concern but explain that I am keeping my child. If they pursue their questioning, I would tell them that this is a personal decision and you resent their interfering.

Answer 18

People like those have closed minds. They have already "guessed" what you plan to do about it. Rather than arguing with them, or being offended (why give the time to closed minded people) personally, I would just tell them that "I plan to keep it."

And just leave it at that.

If they say you are not capable, I would say "I plan to keep it."

If they say to give the child to so and so..I would say "I plan to keep it."

My point is, there isn't much there to argue with. Actions are louder than words.... prove yourself as a good mom. It doesn't really matter what others think of you, it only matters that you have made your decision, so make it clear.

Answer 19

I think that the people bugging you for your baby feel that because you succumbed to the "birthmother cult" once that you are vulnerable to be suckered in again.  The most eloquent answer to these vile, reprehensible people is no answer.  They are undeserving of words from you.

They are not saying that you are incapable of taking care of your child.  They couldn't care less if you can take care of your child, they just want a baby and feel they have the right to take yours.

If they won't go away, I would tell them "too bad, so sad, I can get pregnant and you can't, so take a flying *****".  I will caution you again with regards to the adoptive parents of your son.  They may feel a strong sense of entitlement to this baby too.

Once again, congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy.  You have waaayyy shown that you a wonderful, loving mother.

ETA - Hey lesty I like your answer!!

Answer 20

Okay on this one I totally agree how Rude and completely disgusting! I frankly think this is one way you can tell who your friends really are....

I can't imagine why the people you know would even think such a thing.... I would be offended to....

It sorta reminds me of when I was a mother to my older children... I was 22 and had two babies a year apart and was so offended when people would ask me if they had the same Father....??? What just because someone is on the Young side they don't have a solid relationship (I was even married to their father 2 yrs before the first one was born)

I think some people just need to go home and lock themselves up Goodness!

To treat you as if your first decision means that you will never want to parent is very sick--I would be offended too...  I am offended for you!

There is a huge difference in the continued placement of an Unfit mother's repeated babies and the choice you made.... I don't know what is happeneing to the common sense of humans but I think we are seeing the end of normal thinking...

I would considered these jerks to be on the lowest line of my Friend or family list and remember how stupid they are down the line.... Unbelievable!

Answer 21

I don't blame you for being offended.  If it were me, I'd be more than "kind of" offended, I'd be seeing-red-rage-furious offended.  

I would suggest, however, saying (or not saying) whatever you feel comfortable.  Don't reply, if that's what you want to do.  Or give them h**l, that works too.  Or report them to Y! Answers because this kind of thing is against the forum policy, not to mention completely inappropriate.  

I think it's terrible that this is happening to you.  People who come here to share don't deserve to be treated like this.

Answer 22

Gosh, do me a favor, print this pages so when you get reunited he will see how much love you had for him.  I'm sorry your famiy made you do that, mine did too (although I only handed physical custody) I live everyday of my life regretting that decision.  I can also understand that only 8 months later you took the decision to not let them rule over you.  I was pregnant with my second only months after (they are 11 months apart) and took the courage from the earlier experience to say "no, you won't do that this time".  I left as well, and I had my daughter.  The best thing I did was that.  Of course it will not erase the pain, or fill the space that is "reserved" for your other child.  But is a start...

To those people that say things like that just tell it as it is.  "My family made me do that to my baby, it wasn't my decision to make at that time, but this time I'm keeping my baby and raising him/her the best I can....thanks for your concern but is not necessary."  And chin up...keep on walking.