Why is everyone so against Dollar Dances at wedding receptions?

Question

I've decided that I'm having one (not for the money, though, although that'll come in handy). The dollar dance is a Polish tradition. (True, believe it or not...) The guests would pin a dollar on the brides dress to get a chance to dance with her, the "man of the hour". I am 50% Polish, and I am doing this just for the tradition of it. Why does everyone on here seem to hate them? It's a tradition that has gained much popularity here in the US, and as a guest at weddings where there have been dollar dances (about 6 weddings I've been to had them, and only one of them had someone of Polish decent) I've never griped about forking over a buck to dance with the groom. I think it's a great idea. The bride and groom are busy that day, and it's a great way to make sure they get a chance to dance with the guests that may want to dance with them.

Answer 1

1- how much did you pay for that dress and people are going to pin dirty paper money to it?  not!

2- people spend enough $$$ on your wedding, it seems greedy for you to ask for yet another dollar after airfare, hotel, time off work, wedding gift, hair, makeup, new dress, and whatever else your guests are spending

3- it's just too conventional and a throwback to older times, not a very modern custom

Answer 2

Well i was engaged for a while and he didnt want to do the dollar dance because he saidthat it was our night and that only he should be dancing with me and he wasnt gonna let people give him money so they can dance with me. For me, it goes either way.

Answer 3

In most cases, anything that you do or say, in relation to a wedding, that ultimately asks guests to give gifts or money is questionable to say the least.  Although guests usually do give something to the couple, the idea is that it is given freely and of their own choosing, and not b/c they were asked for it, or reminded of it, or goaded into it.

When people who are not from a culture where these traditions are expected, such as Polish, Italian, Greek, etc., they don't understand that everyone will come prepared for the dance.  They will expect it to be done.  Most folks will only know what I have stated previously; that it's not in good taste.

So, go a little easy on those who are either not familiar with the dollar dance or those whose cultures don't normally include it.  They just don't get it, that's all!

Answer 4

I had never heard of this til I came on Yahoo Answers. lol.  I thought it sounded fun though so we are considering doing it, however we will have a box for the money that NO ONE can see inside so you don't know how much someone actually paid (plus in Canada the smallest bill we have is $5, I don't want people shoving $1 coins down my b***s or anything.lol).  but anyways at the end of the night, that box will be taken to the Canadian Cancer Society. (since cancer is so huge in our family) people will know this ahead of time, and we will make sure NO ONE feels pressured into paying, "you can dance with me for free, but if you would like to that box is for CCS"

Answer 5

It just seems a bit over the top these days when guests are expected to bring a gift and then give additional money.  they tend to feel obligated to participate.  

Answer 6

It all depends on your idea of what kind of event a wedding should be.  For example, some people feel that weddings are fun family events that include children while others feel they are elegant affair with no place for children.

Anyway, I wasn't sure if my guests would be offended by the dollar dance so I chose not to have one.  It is a tradition where I grew up, since every wedding I've ever been to has had it (southern Louisiana).  Well, our guests begged us to have the dance, so we ended up doing it anyway.  My cousin collected the money for my husband and me because I didn't want money pinned to my dress.  We didn't know until that time that she had made a boa of pennies for him to wear.  Everyone had a great time, we got great pictures, and who can complain about getting $900 cash?  It seemed that all of our guests came prepared for this and why should we ruin their fun?

Also, I did make time for my guests besides during this dance.  My husband and I barely ate because we were so busy walking around and talking to everyone.  We danced with the other guests throughout the night, as well.  I think everyone can be very judgemental about others on Y/A...but really, whose place is it to judge? To each his own!

Answer 7

Polish? At my friends wedding her dad called it a baptist tradition. It was all in good fun, and was so funny to see her husbands best friends pay to dance with him. I didn't find it tacky, especially when everyone has so much fun and is good humored about it. They had the MOH and best man collect the money as opposed to pinning it on her dress.

Answer 8

I think most people don't mind if others do it for traditional reasons. It's when they do it just to get extra money from their guests that is tacky.  

Answer 9

I am not sure why several people on here say ooh tacky. I personally never heard of it as tacky, until I was on here. I have seen it done at several weddings, it not only a great time to get one on one time with your guest but the pictures you get are price-less.

We had several guests ask if we were doing one. I was surprised because I was beginning to think it was out dated...Then my MIL asked us to do one it was family tradition for there side. All of there family would of been insulated if we didn't.

It was so much fun all of our friends, and both families loved it. Plus I have over 100 pictures of each of us and all of our guests dancing the night away. My husband guy friends actually all danced with me then stood in line to dance with him. They danced as a big group, the picture was price less.

I also think it depends on where you live and how well you know your guest.

Answer 10

My daughter's wedding was 2 weeks ago and we decided that we were not having the dollar dance, she wasn't comfortable with doing it and neither was the groom.  

Because so many of the guests requested it they were both basically kidnapped into doing it.  

It was actually kind of funny tho when one the guests who happened to be g*y paid $10.00 for his minute with the groom....LOL.  

Answer 11

The tradition is both polish and italian.

but The custom was originated in America earlier this century by the European

immigrants, who wanted to assure that the young couple had a few extra

dollars to face the future with. It has endured in certain areas of the

United States, while it is virtually non-existent in other parts.

Let's face it, folks. The "Money Dance" is alive and well, and it's a very

popular custom at most wedding receptions all over the New York State area.

In the nationwide wilderness outside of Central New York, it's frequently

referred to as the "Dollar Dance. But no matter what it's called, it means

that guests who wish to dance with the Bride and Groom while a few particular

songs are heard must pay for the privilege.

We are not trying to influence your decision on whether or not to have a

Dollar Dance at your wedding reception. We'll just give you some background

information on this subject to help you make your decision.

Some couples hesitate because they feel like it isn't done very often. We

estimate that the Dollar Dance is done at well over half of all the wedding

receptions we perform at, running the gamut from the ones held in the modest

halls, through the large reception halls, and all the way to those in hotel

and country-club ballrooms.

You say some of your guests might be offended? All of your guests have seen

the Dollar Dance at so many wedding receptions that now it's just part of the

landscape.

The custom was originated in America earlier this century by the European

immigrants, who wanted to assure that the young couple had a few extra

dollars to face the future with. It has endured in certain areas of the

United States, while it is virtually non-existent in other parts.

Here in New York, some feel that our custom has its direct roots in both the

Italian and Polish heritages, two groups of people who appreciate a good time

and love traditions.

You can even decide in which manner your fun-loving dancing partner can

deposit his/her offering . . . in a purse carried by either you on your wrist

or held by the best man & maid of honor.

The purse comes from Italian tradition, a variation of the "Communion Purse"

that young girls years ago carried on their First Communion Day, and

relatives and friends would put money in it as a gift on her special day.

Around here, the best man & maid of honor escort your dancing partners in and

out every twenty seconds or so. You can expect to dance with 15-30 partners

before it's over. The minimum donation is, of course, one dollar, although

several larger denominations are routinely donated.

This is important - timing is vital if you plan to have a Dollar Dance at

your reception. You want it to be part of the natural flow of your reception.

The trick is not to have it too early, or too late. The most natural time is

right after the garter and bouquet have been tossed, and as the last "event"

for the photographer. This point should be no later than one hour before the

end of your reception. By that time the guests are usually "relaxed" and

ready to participate in the Dollar Dance.

Some Brides have asked us how long the Dollar Dance should last.

The answer is obvious . . . until all of your guests have been given a twirl.

Your best man & maid of honor  will see how many people you have in line and

they will know how to run through quickly and efficiently. They will notify

the me when it is the last Dollar Dance song, and it will come to a

conclusion naturally.

Another question we have been asked by Brides is "what songs should we play

for the Dollar Dance?" The Dollar Dance does not call for "message" songs,

which are the songs whose lyrics reflect personal sentiments. For example,

the formal dance for the Bride and Groom might be "Have I Told You Lately

That I Love You," the dance with the parents might be "Daddy's Little Girl,"

and the Bridal Party dance might be done to "That's What Friends Are For,"

all three of which carry a message relevant to the person being danced with.

For the Dollar Dance, any slow music will do. Your dancing partners will not

be listening to the words of the song anyway. They'll be too busy wishing the

best for your future.

So, dear newlyweds-to-be, it's your choice whether or not to include a Dollar

Dance at your reception. But, as we mentioned, our experience indicates that

it is now an accepted part of wedding receptions. After all, what's a dollar

or two in fun on a once-in-a-lifetime occasion?

Another consideration is that the Dollar Dance gives you the opportunity to

dance with those guests that you would not have the time or availability to

dance with otherwise. Those who join the Dollar Dance are just happy to be

able to share a dance with you on your wedding day.

Answer 12

it makes you sound cheap...but if its tradition, go for it.

Answer 13

It is a tradition in certain cultures and that is fine. But it seems that everyone is jumping on that, and having dollar dances. It has become just another way to soak guests for more money. It has no meaning for people like that. I think we all mourn the passing of wedding traditions a little, and that they seem to get turned into 3 ringed circuses, instead of beautiful traditions, when they are remembered at all.  

Answer 14

The only reason I'm not doing it is because I don't want pins and money stuck to my dress. We'll have a nice box for people to place cards, and if they like, cash or money, into it.

Maybe you could avoid the money stuck to you by doing something similar and fun ... like a bid to dance with the bride, a la Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler in "Gone with the Wind." That would be totally cute!

On the other hand, I think that your wedding is the perfect time -- if not the only time -- to have something reflective of your family, your background, your values, and your wants and desires. This is supposed to be the happiest day of your life, so do what it'll take to make it happy. If that is honoring your Polish tradition by having a money dance, more power to ya.

Answer 15

It can be a tradition and still be tacky. I think it's greedy and classless. No, thank you.

Answer 16

It just seems like you're asking for cash.  I mean, why should anyone pay for the privilege of dancing with the bride and groom?  I haven't personally been offended by it at any receptions I've attended, but I wouldn't do it because it seems a bit money-grubbing.

Answer 17

I used to live in Poland and the dollar dance is *not* a Polish tradition. I've never been to a wedding in Poland that had one and most of my friends have never even heard of it.

How much money are you really going to get from it? Why don't you just dance with other people for the fun of it? Honestly I think people already pay a lot to go to weddings, so why pay more just to dance with the bride or groom?  

Answer 18

Apparently people on here think that Dollar Dances are tacky and a way of asking for more money from your guests.

I disagree. I had one at my wedding (because my hubby begged me to agree to do it) and I'm glad I did. Besides the money (we made a few hundred bucks to spend on the honeymoon, since most people gave us larger bills, like $20s.), it was a good time, and I got to dance with people that I normally wouldn't have. If people don't like the idea, it's not like they *have* to dance with you. I however don't like the idea of pinning money to the bride. I think both the bride and groom should participate, and I think the money should be paid to the MOH and best man... Pinning it to the bride seems rather cheap, but if that's the Polish tradition, then do what works for you. Have fun!! 8)

Answer 19

Sounds like a great Idea.  I would want to know about it in advance though since I never carry cash.

Answer 20

People are s****..Oh,it looks so tacky.Shut the h**l up,tell them that next time.I'm having one and its a tradition in my family.I'm pretty sure my fiances family will think something,but hey its tradition for some people and people need to respect that.Not everyone is gonna think the same at what to do and what to have.Like the whole c**p about having strippers at your bach,bachlorette party.Now who the h**l came up with that,I dont know,but that is the dumbest tradition I've ever heard of very disrespectful in my book.But hey,to each their own,right.

So you have the dollar dance and have an awesome time.Dollar dances are fun.

Answer 21

First--the dollar dance is NOT just a Polish tradition.  It exists in some form or another is many cultures.

I am personally opposed to the dollar dance because I feel like it's tacky and is another way of asking for money and crouching that request in "tradition."  Many who do decide on having this at their wedding had never heard of it until they started planning their nuptials and decide that for the sake of their "tradition" they'll do it.  It's traditional in my culture too, but I opted out of it and was horrified when it was suggested--I am American and I did not want to put on a false pretense by including that.  In addition, I feel that too many couples today plan weddings that are beyond their means and are too focused on getting money back and this is a horrible way to do it.

Answer 22

I honestly thought that you were suppose to have them.. every wedding I have ever been to has had one.. and my family is a BIGGG melting pot (italian, cajun french, irish, spanish, black, and everything in between.) So, I am having one also. However my fiancee's family are really goofy, and he has this one uncle who acts like a big pervert to ALLLL the women in the family (just messing though, he is married to one of them and he is old so its kind of funny). Anyways I was at a little party they were having and he was messing with me about how hott I'm going to look for my wedding day, and I said, "Yeah, Brent is worried about the money dance with you!" and he seemed confused.. I explained, "when you pay a dollar or whatever to dance with the bride".. he was like, "Oh, you want me to pay you money I see" I was like "well it's not like I just want you to pay me money, it's a tradition I guess you haven't heard of it." So since the GROOMS side aren't familar with it, that is fine, I don't expect their money, but my family would push me to have it even if I said no. I was thinking about dancing to Pink Floyd's "Money" song, LOL. But anyways, have fun, s***w what people think about it, it is your wedding, their loss if they didn't want one.

By the way, I have seem where they pin the money onto the bride and groom, but I have seem a better alternative. Well, for the bride at least (the grooms tux is rented anyways so who cares.) But, the bride holds this small bag about 6"X6" made from material simular to the dress, you can even get it embrodered but they put the money in there, that way you don't get pin holes in your dress, and you aren't displaying the money for all to see, it is hidden so to speak.

Answer 23

When its a tradition where guests would expect it, then its really up to the couple if they want to do it.  I however would never participate in one as I shouldnt have to pay to get a chance to dance with the groom if I wanted to.  I'm a guest and couples need to make time for their guests.  I made time for mine.  I am also already giving a gift, likely buying an outfit (dont really have any wedding appropriate clothing) and taking the time off work (neither hubby nor I get weekends off) so no way am I about to give anything else, even if it is just a buck.

Answer 24

They are your guests. They should not be expected to pay for anything...... even a dance. If you want to still do the dance but without looking tacky, just say that you are having a dance & people can cut in at anytime ...... do not have them give you $$ for it. Also, how would you feel if you were at the wedding & wanted to dance with the bride or groom & were told you had to "pay" to? Very tacky. Just dance with everyone w/o dealing with the $$ aspect. (plus, you won't have to worry about them ruining your dress by creating all types of holes in it from the pins)

Answer 25

I guess some people see it as needing money and that this is a shallow way of asking for money.  I've never been to a wedding with one.  I would never pay to dance with the groom but I won't stop someone else from doing so.