Why is foster care considered to be so great?

Question

it's not...I have knowledge first hand that many kids are abused and neglected in foster care...sometimes more abused then by their own parents...work in the system and answer calls that relate to foster parents abusing the kids...then have to find new placements at 2 in the morning...or explain to a birth parent that their child was taken to the ER cuz some foster parent or another child beat their kid up...or work a case where you know the child really should not have been removed (especially infants)but was taken not because of abuse or neglect but lack of money...I'm so fed up hearing how grand it is...when it isn't...not all foster homes and parents are bad either...but it's a good majority....yes I guess this is venting which most of you have done...but their is also a questiond..so go ahead and report...because that's better then lloking at the real picture...or allowing another one to have an opinion based on facts...and knowledge of TPR in many cases..and infants r high demand

Answer 1

I agree with you , growing up i had friends in foster care that would have been better off with their own parents and i have seen situations where a child should have been moved from their parents home and wasn't Children's Services isn't what people make it out to be.

Answer 2

I don't think foster care is a wonderful place for a chld to be in.  I feel for those children.

Answer 3

I wouldn't say it is concidered to be great. Not at all, actually.

But as you said, not every foster parent ends up abusing the child in their care, and I think that fostering is generally thought to be a far healthier situation for a child to be in than a carehome [a family atmosphere has been accepted for a long time as the most comfortable and secure place for an infant to grow up in, afterall]. Plus, if a child has been abused and neglected in their own home, then there's no doubt that finding them somewhere safer and happier to stay is needed.

That said, I'm more than cynical of the social services in the UK, and I feel that if there's any way that a child can stay with his/her own family [as long as they aren't being seriously abused or neglected of course] then keeping them with their parents should be the top priorety.

Answer 4

i agree that it is not perfect  but it is  what we have.   I am  almost done with my home study and they go over what you can and can't do in training.  They tell you all the worst case scenarios of how hard it is to deal with some of these kids especially the older ones.  all to give you a chance to back out. They lie during the home study then  they get these kids and treat them horribly.  I don't think it  most foster homes though but it is close to half are not great.  (not abusive but not great)  I know in my state though they try to get family to foster first and foremost. So when a child is taken they try aunts uncles grandparents and they relax the rules for sleeping for them. Foster parents each child must have their own bed  family kids can sleep together in a full bed or even on a sofa bed.   Surprisingly though many family members say no and don't take the kids.    

Short of having truth serum there is no way of knowing who is going to be good or not

Answer 5

Foster care is just as much in need of reform as infant adoption is.  The same agencies that do infant adoption are involved in Foster care as well.  In Texas, much of foster care is privatized.  Fortunately Texas has a website that lists the violations of adoption agencies, both foster and infant.  You are right of course, foster care isn't any better.  I read those violations.  What these agencies are about is the money.  One agency reported getting sixty million dollars from the state of Texas and the federal government.  Its pretty sick if you ask me.  We need to make changes.  I just don't know if it will ever happen.  We keep bickering amongst ourselves.  

I met a very unusual adoption agency director a few months ago.  She basically feels if there was more openness and accountability in adoption, then these types of issues would be reduced.  I think she is right.  She does practice what she preaches.

Answer 6

While not all foster situations are grand some are the best chance a child has!  I really good friend of mines parents fostered for years.  Mostly they had babies that were born to drug addicted mothers and were taken away at birth.  These babies had a chance to live in a real home, and be loved and held for as long as they were alive.  What was the alternative, leave them in a hospital bed, neglacted, unloved and unheld until their little hearts gave up and they died?  I couldn't tell you how many babies these people cared for, and I couldn't tell you how many of them they buried with their own money!!  But it happened more then once! Is the system broken, Yes.  I am from MI and in the last 2 years our system has lost numerous children and had others killed by foster parents in the process of adopting them!  Whats the answer, I don't know.  But don't knock those who are truly trying to help those children unloved and unwanted!!

Answer 7

Well, I can tell you from my first hand experience that my parents fostered three sets of brothers and sisters and never ONCE abused them or sent them to the ER. One set was placed with us due to sexual abuse, another set due to drug abuse, and the last due to neglect.

I agree that there are SOME people that slip through the cracks that shouldn't be doing foster care. But from what I have seen my parents had to go through a very tough screening process(background checks, classes, in-home studies, etc.) to get their license.

Answer 8

Not EVERY Foster Home Stinks but let me tell you a story...

My children siblings were placed together in a foster home and she was 4 he was 3 months when they went to the home they lived in....

The foster family decided they wanted to adopt the baby and not his sister.... They did everything they could to split these children (who knew each other and were together) up.... They petitioned the state for a sibling split and when that failed they told a 4 yr old they would "go ahead and adopt her too..."

There were police reports (3 of them) witnessing the FMom hitting--and biting the 4 yr old...and when we transitioned and our little girl was in the foster home for HER goodbye party she was told she could have NO Ice Cream because she didn't eat Brussel Sprouts at dinner...the F-mom sat there and fed the baby brother Ice Cream while sneering at a 4 year old and taunting her the whole time...

That abuse has been one of the more difficult issues for Our little girl to overcome and she may always believe We Adopted Her because all we wanted was her baby brother...

Abuse comes in many forms and what I saw with my own eyes made me sick...

Anyone who would believe that Foster Care is better then being adopted is nuts.... really!

Answer 9

some foster parents are amazing ppl why call all foster parents?

Answer 10

I am not really for sure why I am wondering that myself right now

Answer 11

no i don`t no .

Answer 12

Who said foster care was great? I don't remember seeing that. Foster care is a tragedy, and seriously in need of reform on many levels.

Answer 13

no one said foster care was so great. I know i said that kids in foster care deserve to be adopted. don't twist words please. Thanks!

Answer 14

So, truly, sad.

Answer 15

It is great in theory but bad in practice and remember not everyone's experience in foster care is bad. Overall the system just sucks big time at protecting children.

Answer 16

I definitely agree with you!!!! My husband was a ward of New York state until he was 20 years old. He has told me such horror stories that it would make a stranger cry!! He passed on through 27 different families and beaten or treated badly by about 3/4 of them!! One lady had her 18 year old son (when my husband was 14) take him out back and beat him almost to death because he "back-talked" her. She actually once punched him in the mouth and knocked his two front teeth out (they are fake to this day since it was after her had gotten his permanent teeth). It makes me sick!!!! There are so many more stories. Unfortunetely the majority of people that adopt children are in it for the money. Especially the people that take the "sick" children. They can a small fortune from the government to take care of children that have "issues". I can't talk about it anymore. It makes me nauseous.

Answer 17

I do agree w/you but as you stated there are good placements done everyday...I am in the process of adopting two kids. My niece and nephew, they were taken away from a addicted mother and their father is a complete mess...in and out of prison. They are 15 and 16 yrs old. I am single and have two of my own much younger but when I was told they were taken from mom, finally! we have been trying for years but gave up the last few years figuring it would never happen, their mother has been investigated at least 15 times in the last 12 years and always seemed to slip thru the cracks of our "wonderful' system...Anyway I could not stand by and watch them go to strangers for the the reasons you already obviously are aware of. I will say that it is very hard and having teenagers is no picnic by any means. We have been in the court system for almost three years  and at every court date over the three years the mother never showed up, never even met w/any social workser, has only talked w/kids on major holidays and has not even attempted to do anything the court ordered her to do. yet just to show how messed up the system is they kept giving her chance after chance, we'll give her another six months, over and over it was the same thing. Finally just yesterday the court took away all parental rights for mom and dad. so now the adoption starts and I'm told could take anywhere from 3months to a year......I really don't envy anyone who gets into our system. It's actually very sad when you see first hand all that goes on, between kids court and going back and fourth to the social offices, and just hearing from workers about some of the things that happen is truely heart wrenching, to say the least. Thank god it's coming to an end for us soon. I have had enough of the whole massive red tape and the many workers all for one thing or another having to come over. at one point I had at least three different people coming in a 5day period of course all different times and days and that lasted for a good four to five months, yes they were all very nice but personally I think it's alot of unneeded bull****, specially since I am family. Anyway I 'm glad to see someone actually has an opinion on this matter I wish more people would speak up, maybe it would do some good.... couldn't hurt, right?..........have a great day!!!

Answer 18

The thing is, there's a whole process parents have to go through to be a "foster parent". It's not our fault if these people lie to the authorities and make it seem like they are good people. Or that the authorities aren't doing a good enough background check.

But what about the good parents who get awful kids? There are just as many cases of the foster children being horrid as there are as the parents being bad. I'm not condoning child abuse in any way, I just don't think it's fair that you're not looking at both sides of the issue.

Answer 19

When I was a foster parent, we saw many homes that maybe weren't the best, but we saw many many great homes.  We saw homes overloaded, but not totoally at the fault of the foster parents, but the system as a whole.  We never had more than 3 children, my rule was always "if they can't fit in my car, then I just can't take them".  So three it was, but we had to stand firm many times.  When there is not enough homes overloading can happen.

Foster care can be a good experience for a child.  And by good, I mean they get a place to stay where they can work out some of their feelings, while mom and dad work on issues to be better parents (whtehr addicitons or other etc.) and all the while children still visit their parents.  In a proper foster care system the foster parents have the parents in their home and are also mentors and beomce a support system.  This is ideal we did it but not with all parents, depending on their circumstances.  

Foster care is their to help children and families come together and get healthy if they can.  I realize, espeically in the states, that some areas/states have poor systems with poor ability to keep track of children etc.

In my province, each child gets a home visist at LEAST ever 6 weeks.  We were active in case planning and overall it was a good experience for us and the kids.   I would argue at this point in time more foster homes are better than not, due to change over the years in the foster care system.

Answer 20

I've never heard that it is great... in fact I've only heard horror stories.

I'm sure there are really great and loving foster parents, but the system as a whole seems to have a pretty bad rap.

Answer 21

I totally understand where you're coming from.  My cousin, who is also my best friend, was adopted.  Her parents took in many children and still have infants in their care.  I personally don't feel they should have been given these children as there are many documented examples of abuse in the home.

I think that, for the most part, people think foster care is great because it is when compare to the alternatives.  Group homes and such aren't exactly the best places for a lot of individuals.  Foster care offers a chance at a normal family life with a nuclear family - and not counsellors as your guardians.

Not everything is as good as we may think, but it's still very much a work in progress.

Answer 22

I've honestly never heard anyone say that foster care is great.  I think it's sad and I think most people feel that way.

Answer 23

Sometimes the solution is no better than the problem.  I hear you.  

Its sad.  Maybe we can all use some education in child rearing...  then perhaps there will be no need for all these ER visits, foster homes and the like - sure we'll still need them, but not like we do now.

Answer 24

Wow! I can't help but wonder if you have personally had a bad experience with this! I am slightly offended being that I am a foster parent and have NEVER touched a child. BUT, I understand that you are just venting, and that is fine. I don't know what state you are in or what foster care agency is in your area that you have heard or seen so many terrible stories.

We became foster parents to help children when their home situation is not safe or healthy for them. We open our home to these children as foster parents for a limited time until they are either able to return home or have to move on to get adopted if reunification is not an option. We have never had a child removed from our home and have never requested that to happen either.

We had to go through extensive training, background checks, inspections of our home and more to ensure that we were going to be safe foster parents for these children. I don't know of an agency that doesn't do this, but maybe some people are slipping through the cracks.

My husband is also an in-home specialist and works with families in their own homes to keep their children or do what it takes to get their children back. We are working hard to reunify families and keep children safe. I truly believe that most foster families are like this, and I am sad that you have such a negative idea of what is going on.

Answer 25

whoa!

all i know is my mom is a wonderful foster parent, and she's had many of her old "kids" come back to her and tell her how she made a difference in her life.

but she's my mom, so obviously i never needed foster care ...