Why is infant adoption more preferable than foster care adoption?

Question

Maybe it is because i was adopted from foster care and that is why i feel so strongly on this. It seems that some people only want babies and that is why some adopt from overseas. There are many children in the foster care system, that are longing for a permant home. would it be more work if a child came from foster care, over a infant? probably, yes because the foster care child may have issues to work thru, where a baby is a "blank slate" as people like to say. I just don't get the menatliy that people would rather adopt infants instead of a child thru foster care. Don't these children in the foster care system deserve good homes too? i'm just wondering?

Answer 1

The same reason new cars are preferred to old ones.

People think they're buying other people's problems.

They assume that babies are blank slates.

Answer 2

I totally agree with everything you said - and I have always thought it's very sad that America's mentality is like that. Most children who have been thru the foster care system require a little more work and patience, since most have been thrust into that system after surviving less-than-ideal lives with their biological families. Add to that further damage done by a problematic foster care system, and most people aren't willing to undertake a child who has potential problems - and a past that could include serious abuse.

Sadly, what a lot of people don't realize is that these are the children longing for homes - wanting love and attention so badly, they often thrive in families where security, love, trust, acceptance and the lack of abuse exist.

Adoptive parents may also see children in the foster care system as "belonging" to someone else already. Children often languish for years in the system - while courts and Social Services decide what should happen to the rights of the biololical family. People in America have rights - and it is much harder to sever parental rights (even in extremely abusive situations). Until the court completely cuts the rights of the biological parent, there is a very real possibility the child could be returned to the biological parent. Adoptive couples have usually already endured a roller coaster of emotion, and a good portion just don't want to get invloved with a child who could be removed from their care and sent back to the biological family.

Another reason I think people seek out babies is due to the desire to raise a child from as young as possible. Some may choose to adopt a baby from overseas (rather than their own "back yard") because of the horrid conditions found in the orphanages over there - or because there is such a lack of care/concern for the "throw-a-way" kids in some countries that these kids don't really have a chance from the start.

I think some people rationalize that our foster care system may be broken - but at least those kids are in America and will be taken care of by the state...but who is there for the overseas kids?

I'm sure this doesn't even scratch the surface of reasons people choose to adopt foster care children vs kids from overseas...but as much as I feel for the babies overseas, we need to "take care of our own" before extending help elsewhere.

Please note: I post this even tho I have 2 God children adopted from China, whom I love dearly and wouldn't trade for the world. Thankfully, their American parents are also involved in the foster care system here - and provide a loving, accepting, secure home to the kids thrown into that unstable system as well.

Answer 3

That’s a good question I also was adopted via FCS. I guess infant adoption is more preferable because babies are rare in the FCS even though you can get them, I was only 3 weeks old when I was placed in my family as a foster baby. They had no plans to adopt me at the time; I was suppose to stay only the weekend. I imagine that they also want to have that experience of having a young baby to care for, see the child fully grow up go through all the stages. That some people take for granted.  Frankly it’s similar of why so many people want puppies and kittens but often over look the older adult dogs and cats.  There just something about babies of any kind that most people prefer.

Again as some have said it puts the parents desires and want  over the child’s not that some babies don’t need good loving homes, but there are many children of all ages that need this some even more then babies since their so wanted. You would think if PAP were doing it mainly for the child they would adopt the children truly in need of homes. Children who dream each year that they will finale have a 4 ever home for Christmas.

It is true older foster care kids can have some problems but you just have to work though that like any family would. What deemed old by FC-Standards isnt really that old at all. If one is only 3 or 4 years old in FC they are considered old. I personnel would have no problem adopting a 3 year old over an infant.  The way I see it the sooner these kids get out of FC and into good loving homes who are going to show them there is an adult that will always be there for you. Who will stick by them no matter what. The better it will be for the kids.

Answer 4

If I could right now, i would adopt from foster care but a 2 bedroom house jsut won't cut it right now!

however, that's my view.  I don't want anymore infants and I do want to help others.

but that's just me.  My parents adopted a toddler and an infant.  Some people want to grow with their children and catch all the milestones (first teeth, steps, words, etc) and I can't blame them for that -- that's part of what bonds and endears them together.

And some may be afraid of foster care adoptions - I know that when i was starting to research foster care adoptions, there were some kids that i could not adopt be it physical or emotional limitations and issues that I couldn't help.   For instance -- one five year old boy should be adopted as an only child (no other children in the home) nor should pets be in teh home because of his propensity for violent and inappropriate sexual behavior.  he was only 5 -- can you imagine what that poor child has seen already that he would act this way?  there was no way that i could help him -- i have an infant and two dogs.

I think people have to be honest with themselves to determine exactly waht they can handle when it comes to foster care.  Some of the kids have little to no outward issues and want to be adopted out of the system while others have more than i could handle.  I don't think it's cold, calloussed or wrong nor should we judge those who go through foster care as better than those who wish to enjoy the first milestones with an infant.

Answer 5

I was also adopted from foster care, so i know where you are comming from, but many soon to be parents want to start from the beginning and raise the child themselves.  There are usually many more issues when adopting from foster care, the child has issues, and many times the parent who had their rights taken away also has issues.  Foster care children are just victims of their enviornment, and many dont care to really put their heart out there to help.

Answer 6

Foster children deserve good homes too; absolutely.

I think people want infants to make them feel like "real" parents "from day one" and as a "cure" for their pain of infertility in not having a birth experience.  It's disgusting.

Answer 7

We thoroughly researched foster care adoption (along with international and domestic infant adopton) when we were in the research phase of our journey.  The reason we decided not to adopt from foster care had nothing to do with wanting an infant (we didn't adopt an infant).  But rather, we looked at the specific needs that a child from foster care would require and questioned whether we would be able to fulfill those needs.

I am speaking from one avenue of experience, that I'm a certified child/adolescent psychiatric nurse. I've spent a long time, in acute inpatient psychiatric hospitals with many severely disturbed children currently in the foster care system.  So, I have a pretty good idea about what some of the requirements are to be a parent for one of these children.  As we have other children already in the home, we did not feel that foster adoption was a good choice for us at this stage of our lives.  Later on, who can say?  

Adoption is nothing to take lightly, but especially when there is known/suspected abuse or neglect in the picture.  If the adoptive parents can take an honest look at themselves and determine that they are not the best fit to adopt from one avenue or another, I think that's being responsible.

If the adoption is disrupted, everyone loses.

I have the utmost respect and admiration for people who choose to adopt from foster care.

Answer 8

For those who have never had kids they want  the hole experience sleepless nights potty training it makes it seem more like "there" child and or they feel like they missed out if they don't have it

Can you imagine never being a parent then just having a 10 year old  who has to go to school.  Or  teen wanting to go to junior prom.  

My wife and i are adopting from foster care but we have a bio child.  So we are OK with having an older kid because we had the experience already with ours.

Also foster kids do have more issues.  They have been abused, neglected etc. and often times need lots of therapy.  They act out more than kids adopted from birth, they test your love more often especially if they have been in care for  awhile.  If they have been in care for awhile they more than likely have been in multiple homes and have attachment issues.  It takes a special person and training to take in a foster kid.  

They do deserve good home we need more good people to take on the challenge

Answer 9

I really can't comment on this because both of the adoptions my wife and I have done have involved infants in foster care.  My oldest (who is now 15) was adopted at 8 months old and my youngest (who is now 4 1/2 months) came to us as a 4 day old and we just finished the adoption two weeks ago.  Both through the foster care system.  We have a "foster to adopt" program so perhaps this hi bred system is the way to go.

Answer 10

We chose to adopt through foster care at a time when I was VERY into the "blank slate" theory (which I now realize is a falacy).  We figured we've got the experience to raise a child with some extra challenges, so it would be awefully selfish of us to adopt a brand new baby just to suit our needs.  And that was BEFORE we knew about adoption loss, corruption in international adoption, coercion of natural mothers.

All children deserve a warm, loving home.  No child deserves a home more or less than any other.  (I throw this in here because some people apparently think I believe otherwise, not because of anything you said.)  But children in foster care NEED homes more than children adopted internationally or as infants.  Even if their parents' circumstances are imperfect, they would HAVE homes/families if a few small things were changed (most of the time).  Children in foster care have already lost their families, and aren't going back.

Answer 11

I think a lot of people think of Foster children "damaged goods" and newborns are easier to mold into the "perfect" child.

I was asked why I would take on someone elses problem when we were adopting our son.  Yesterday someone in here said that Foster kids need more discipline that other kids and should be spanked with a belt...This just shows how ignorant people can be when it comes to adopting from the foster care system.

Answer 12

All children deserve a loving and safe home.  However, some families do worry about the "baggage" an older child may come with.  It isn't fair, but some families feel they are not equipped to handle the emotional or physical issues that come along with older children.  Or perhaps they are afraid of situations where abusive first parents try to come back into the child's life.  I speak to this only because I know how hesitant we were to adopt a child with special needs when we first learned of him.  However, it was the best decision we ever made to adopt our son.  I still sometimes worry that I am a good mom or that we are handling our son's special needs as well as someone else might be able to, but I realize now that every parent probably has the same concerns.  Unfortunately though, many people who adopt worry that they cannot care for an older child as well as they may be able to care for a baby.  Education is the key to helping families understand that ALL children of ALL ages, ALL races, and ALL needs, deserve loving and safe families.

Answer 13

Bottom line for us is that state adoption was too difficult and way to long. We tried for over a year to get licenced to do foster care. The system is broken. There was nothing wrong with our family...nice home..long marriage...healthy....no arrests or any problems. It was all them. Then we did a private homestudy and subbmitted on countless children in all states to be chosen. Almost another year went by before we finally adopted privately. The children that come available in the system are so fiercly competed for that only a few get blessed with a child. We were open to race and most special needs and even sibling groups. I know a lot of people that are doing private adoption are also subbmitting on state children as well durring their search. They are more often successful in their private adoptions first. Others I know that do not have the budget for private are still sitting waiting years later with no luck in the system. It was such an up and down roller coaster being looked at for 10 children at a time and always wondering for months if you are still being looked at for them or if they have a home. I would not do it again. I am not strong enough to go through that.. We have decided to do Haiti special needs adoption of an older child for our next adoption. These people that say "how come no one adopts all these waiting children in the U.S?"  Have not tried it. They have not called on group after group, child after child, day after day, to hear that they already have a home they just haven't been taken off the registery yet. I don't say that to offend you. Its a good question and if I didn't know better I would be thinking the same thing.

Answer 14

For some adoptive parents, they want to experience the joy of parenting an infant. I have adopted three times, all from foster care, all of my children were at least two years old when they came, home, but that was my preference. I had two birth children, so I had parented newborns.

I know, there are so many children here in Foster Care, that need homes, that is why we chose to adopt through the system. But, I also feel that adoption is a personal choice, some parents want newborns, some want girls or some feel lead to adopt internationally.

What bothers me more than a couple going overseas to adopt, is seeing children in care, that have relatives that could care for them, but won't. Aunts, uncles, cousins, dads, moms, and grandparents, that won't, care for a member of their family. I realize, that some children do not have family members that could provide a safe and loving home, but the vast majority of them do. Now, that's pitiful.

Answer 15

Bottom line. The majority today, are looking for a child that is as closest to a "biological" child as possible at any cost. They want to avoid "interference" of any kind and they think that infants will not have a problem bonding no matter which country they are from biologically.

Todays issue isn't Nature vs. Nuture, its Adoption vs. baby buying.

Answer 16

Well, there are different reasons. Some, like you suggested, don't want to have to help a child from foster care get through issues.

But I think, more commonly, couples want infants (especially those who are infertile) so that they can experience every aspect of parenthood, which includes the very first few weeks and months. I feel it is insensitive to accuse people of wanting to adopt an infant, because realistically, many open their homes to foster children later on. I know of one couple that is looking to adopt a baby, though right now, they already have adopted older kids. They just want to be able to experience babyhood as well as provide a baby with a home who does not have an adequate one.

Personally, I want to be able to open my home to an older child one day; I really feel called to do so. Adopting an older child is a beautiful thing, because, just like infants, older children deserve families as well.

Answer 17

I am one of those people who was in foster care and never got adopted due to age. I truly think there are alot of people who dont understand the need for the older kids. Every year between 500,000 and 800,000 children go into foster care and approximately 114,000 never go back home and need adoption. 65% of those are not infants. They grow up floating through foster homes wondering why no one wants them. I really think that if more people were informed on the situation more older kids would be adopted. There will always be those who want a baby because of their situatuon but the problem could be helped atleast with information being provided.

Answer 18

They do deserve good homes.  But doing your research you'll often find that many infant adoptions are to parents who can't conceive.  Women have a natural desire to bear children, to raise them from infancy.  I think it's that natural instinct that plays the largest factor.  If you were a woman of age who had always longed to have children, dreamed of the day you would hold your child in your arms, only to find out that it is physically impossible for your body to bear a child, wouldn't you want a new born if you were to adopt.  It's those moment in infancy that are so special to many men and women.  I hope this helps answer your question.

Answer 19

My husband and I have been considering adoption for a few years, and although we're not ready to do it yet, we are planning on adopting from the foster care system.  

I can understand the blank slate mentality, but I also understand there are many children that are waiting in foster care who are very deserving.  We don't want to rush because we truly aren't ready.  We want to be able to provide everything (financially, spiritually, AND emotionally) when we do take the next step.

Answer 20

Most people just want a baby (or babies) and turning to adoption is their only way of getting that baby they were trying to produce. Not too many people TTC their own biological child, want a grown child. I know its sad, but its true and its the way our society is.

Answer 21

Yes, they do deserve good, loving, stable homes, too!  We adopted older children from overseas (this may sound strange, but that's where our girls were...so that's where we adopted from).  When we adopt again, though, we feel led to go through the foster system to do so and to adopt older children (grade school age or above).

I think a lot of people think they'll avoid "problem children" or children with issues if they adopt infants.  Not so.  Adoptive children all have issues to work through.  If you adopt an infant, there are probably less abuse or neglect issues to work through, but most adoptees have abandonment issues and/or trust issues at least to a small degree no matter how old they were when adopted or surrendered.

Another issue I think people are afraid of is what has been shown in the media of birth parents tracking down the adoptive family and either trying to get the child back through the court system or through kidnapping.  It happens a WHOLE lot less than the press would give the impression of.

Another thing that people consider is the whole "seeking the birth parents" thing.  There are a lot of insecure people in the world who can't handle the thought of the child seeking out the birth family...that it means the child loves them less instead of it being a journey to self discovery.  If my daughters want to seek out birth family, I will support them and encourage them and help them in any way I can.