Why is it, that a child or tween acts up automatically has some kind of disorder is this why paren'ts....

Question

arent strict i mean come on where are the REAL PARENTS?

i mean come on parents why are u letting your child walk all over you?

then you wonder why your child is bad and doesnt give a hoot about you at a young age. now im not saying to beat your child or anything but a good spanking and very strict rules never hurt anyone. when i have kids my husband and i are going to have rules we are not going to be the parents at Toys R Us with a child kicking and screaming on the floor because they wont get a toy i mean this is BS and you know.

so for my question:

where are all the real parents? and why do you call out any kid who doesnt lisent and acts up with ADD and ADHD and some other c**p, was it like that when u were a kid? NO!!!!! it wasnt.

Answer 1

You may have a point that in times children who had these conditions were too cowed to act out. You didn't see behaviour like it in the 1940s class room. Possibly they were too cowed,  for they knew they would be beaten and the behaviour came out in some other way, perhaps leaving them labeled as beyond normal education.

Good parenting is not about spanking, but about communication and love. I speak as someone who has successfully raised children, and I have no time for using pain to control young people. There is no need if you parent well.

Answer 2

good luck with that.

Answer 3

I completely agree. While I think there truly are kids with ADD or ADHD, I think it's a label that doctors are stickering on too many kids. And the real problem is that drugs alone doesn't work. Kids with those disorders need structure and routine, along with the drugs. You can't just dope up the kid and say "all better". And like you, I can't stand to see a child in the store screaming and arguing with its parent because they can't have something. Under the age of 2 is tolerable, but when the child is 5 or 6, no way. My son is going to grow up and learn respect and fear. I don't ever want him acting like some kids today.

Answer 4

ADD and ADHD have nothing to do with parents not being strict enough.

Answer 5

Does every child who acts up in public have a mental illness: of course not.

Does every child with a mental illness carry a glowing neon sign to identify themselves so that if they do act up, nosy onlookers will understand it's not necessarily bad parenting?

No.

Neither do mentally ill adults.  You'd be surprised how many people you pass by on a daily basis with some form of mental health diagnosis.  

And yes, these disorders were around when we were kids.  These were the kids that always struggled academically, got into fights quickly, were always ostracized by teachers and classmates.  They were punished instead of given treatment.  Guess how well that worked out for them?  

It's great that you're thinking about parenting strategies.  But bear in mind that until you've been a parent, you don't know what it's like.  You're passing judgment on something and you have no experience to back that up.  Siblings, babysitting, these things don't count.  

For me, I recognize there are bad parents out there.  But when I see the kid pitching a fit in a store and the parents struggling to control them (which, btw, ignoring the fit is a great strategy.  Thowing tantrums is no fun when there's no audience), I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt and move on.

But then, I'm a parent.  I've had bad days too.

Answer 6

You may want to do a little research before ranting.  True ADD/ADHD can be detected via MRI imaging.  

http://www.healing-arts.org/children/ADH...

http://pn.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/conte...

Furthermore, there was a time when cancer didn't have a name.  Does that mean people didn't get it?  I think not.  

True ADHD can't be  controlled with strict parents.  While children who have it should have consistent rules, behavior modification and other services are needed.

No, not every child who acts up has ADD/ADHD.  However, there are children who do, and they cannot be dealt with in the same way as a child who is simply undisciplined.

*ETA* Amen, Winter Glory!  As the saying goes, the best parents are the ones with no children.  It's easy to be a model parent when you have no clue because you don't even HAVE a child!  My well - mannered son doesn't have ADD/ADHD, but I have enough compassion to not go around acting holier than thou and judging other parents on something I've never experienced.

Answer 7

I agree with you completely.  I work in a retail store, and parents bring their kids in all the time.  In my experience, a lot of children aren't taught to behave any more.  I think parents hear them whine and scream for stuff so much that they learn to totally ignore them (much to the dismay of everyone around them).

That being said, I have been around some wonderful parents who know how to discipline their kids.  Those children are actually a joy to be around and babysit.

In the case of ADHD (ADD is no longer part of the DSM), there are definitely real cases.  However, I think there are people using ADHD as a crutch so that they don't have to discipline their children.  It is an excuse for a situation when a child is acting up the parent says, "Oh, our child, Sally, suffers from ADHD-- please forgive her."  Everyone is supposed to feel sorry for the parents.

Answer 8

There are both good and bad things that parents did when we were kids.  For instance smoking, lack of car seats, drinking - things parents didnt really understand were bad - they thought formula was best, as thats how it was advertised.  So I dont think you can go off "what it was like when we were kids" as an argument.

And as for spanking, thats for parents who want to teach fear versus respect.  Which from what your question is about - you sound like you want kids to be more respectful.  

Its great that you have these ideals, but parenting, especially great parenting does not come naturally to many, and takes work - versus passing judgement.    If you want to lift up kids, parents, and your community before you have kids, volunteering would be a great option - versus ranting.  Its far more constructive.

Answer 9

When my sister-in-law was in first grade, her teacher insisted that she had some kind of attention deficit disorder. Luckily, my mother-in-law, a nurse, didn't listen to her and instead insisted that her daughter be, instead, bumped up a grade.

In high school and college, she graduated in the top of her class and has won many many awards in her work. She just wasn't being challenged enough by her teacher who, instead of seeing her potential, insisted that she was just a problem child who needed to be sedated with drugs.

I HATE the fact that we're drugging up our kids so young. Children are naturally hyper and active. They're CHILDREN. What 5 year old isn't a ball of energy? I want my kids to be active! I want my kids to run around a little! But I will learn to PARENT them and CONTROL them when they are too crazy because that's what a parent is there for! Not to pump them full of drugs and toss them in front of the TV.

I totally agree with you. Parents are just too d**n lazy these days and don't realize that "parenting" is a VERB and an ACTION. Instead they insist their child is unnaturally hyper and pump them full of drugs, because they're too lazy to actually put time and effort into saying NO to their child.

They're doing a huge disservice to their child. That kid is going to be in for a rude awaking when they grow up and realize that they can't get everything they want and that people are going to say NO to them. These kids have no future ahead of them. And the parents are to blame.

Answer 10

I think it's a two-fold issue.  Everyone claims discipline these days is child abuse so people are afraid to discipline their kids.  Many disorders that used to be overlooked are now more common due to advances in the medical field of diagnosing.  So, kids who used to be just "bad" are now realized as being autistic or whatever and behavior issues with those disorders can't typically be controlled through discipline.  They require behavior modification.

I know where you're coming from though.  We're not afraid to discipline our kids and they don't have medical disorders, but they sure can throw a fit when they don't get what they want.  Most kids will.  It's all in how you approach the fit--don't cave to them (sometimes easier said than done when you're in a store and embarrased beyond belief as people stare at you and your flipping-out kid).  I always said MY kids would be very well behaved...well, they ended up being typical kids who will try to do whatever they can think of to get whatever they want!

Answer 11

because, if little johnny has a disorder then the parents dont have to take the blame for him being a brat.

too many parents want to jump and blame, and medicate instead of disciplining, and it makes it harder  on the ones who actually DO have a disorder or a problem.

Answer 12

Well when we were kids, we played outside in the fresh air and sunshine and climbed trees and 'monkey bars' and fell down and used Bactine and a band-aid and went back out and played until dark. We didn't spend all our time at the Mall or playing video games. Parents today are LAZY and only think of themselves before their kids so it is much easier to just dope up the kid on some hijacked "syndrome" than to go outside and play 'catch' or simply go for a walk with them.

Answer 13

I believe that even if a child is diagnosed with ADHD that there is no excuse for misbehavior. An occasional mishap is normal, but even children with real behavioral problems can behave well in public. It takes strong parents with serious will power to pull it off though. But consistency is key and all kids need that, not just those with ADHD.

I'm not talking out of my **** here either. If you let a child get away with something, regardless of the reason. He or she is going to keep doing it because there aren't any consequences. There are serious illnesses out there that may actually CAUSE children to act out, but parenting can nip bad behavior in the butt in most cases, including ADHD. There are extreme cases out there, but they are rare.

Stop looking for a reason to excuse your children from behaving well. My friend does this. She says her kid MUST have some problem, but from what I have seen and the things she has told me, her daughter really only needs some more direction and parenting.

Answer 14

ADD and ADHD is a chemical in the brain they can't help it. Kids with that when you were young were the ones smoking and doing drugs to calm themselves down.

Kids with ADD need medicine to behave so quit whining. Kids with this don't care about punishments.

Answer 15

i 15, but it because parents arent srick enough, dont care what kids do, and need reasons and excuses for why kids to be a certain way because they dont want to handle it theirkids. if i have to do house work and miss a really fun event i say ok, and dont talk back. cant get something, i say ok. cant go somewhere, i may ask why, but dont fight because i know theirs no point. my parents arnt going to change their mind, and i love and am glad i was raised the wasy i was. some of my other friends cant hang out for 1 day of summer and they scream and argue for an hour and donmt get grounded. its rediculous. paretns can barley touch their kids with out it being child abuse. whats america coming to.good luck with future kids, i hope they dont end up like the ones today, my age and younger. but some kids really do have disorders, and come like that. but a lot of them can hide it. my cousin is pretty bad with add, and adhd, and is almost normal. he 12, and you can tell he has it, but he can be calm and not hyper if he wants.

Answer 16

I understand what you are saying and I know there are many kids who are diagnosed with disorders who just need a spank on their rear-ends - but also keep in mind that there are kids who come from a stable home where parents consistently discipline and are strict and they are diagnosed with a disorder because they really have one.