Why is it WRONG to dump a woman for gaining weight, but ok to dump a man for being LAZY?

Question

Women always get offended when they hear of a man leaving a woman because she put on weight. I think he SHOULD leave. Just like if you date or marry an "ambitious guy" then he turns into a lazy loser you have every right to leave. You got with him because he was ambitious.. now he is NOT.

Same goes for weight. If you look like a model when I meet you.. you should STAY that way. Pregnancy is fine, but after you have the baby, you should lose the weight.

Isn't this only fair? Why do women think its ok for them to change after they secure a relationship?

Answer 1

I think any drastic change of personality or appearance is an acceptable reason to call it quits.

Answer 2

I think it's OK to dump a woman if she gets fat, I just wouldn't tell her that was the reason for dumping her. You know what women are like they can go a bit psycho, so just make something up.

Answer 3

Don't worry hun, I would never get with a guy that shallow to begin with. In fact I've dumped a few for that reason.

Answer 4

Weight doesn't necessarily affect the amount of work a person does.  Lazy means that they don't work.  You are comparing someone's physical appearance with what someone gets done.  When someone gains weight it might change someone's opinion of them.  When a man is lazy it puts more pressure on the woman.  She has to do more to uphold that household.  The responsibilities are not equal.  That's the problem.  Gaining weight doesn't change the equality in a relationship.  

If you are in relationships with people because oft heir looks, then how is everything else besides s*x with them?  When you make financial decision does she think the same way as you?  Do you have the same goals, or is she dead set on never having children while you want a family?  Attractiveness does not equal computability.

And many woman work so hard to maintain their looks because they are socialized to.  Super models are often underweight and unhealthy.  A person can be 5'4'' and weigh 149 and still be a healthy weight.  Women are taught by society that they need to look certain way, that they need to be a size 4.  Just because they look skinny doesn't mean they are happy.

Answer 5

Neither are really okay, actually... People change, and when you love someone, you're supposed to accept changes in them.

Maybe dumping a man for being lazy is a more accepted reason than a woman gaining weight, because everybody ages and you cannot expect someone to "look like a model" forever, that's stupid. But you can still age and avoid being lazy.

Answer 6

It's fair, if that's the kind of girl you're after where the both of you can only love each other for being successful or skinny then you both certainly deserve to be with shallow people.

I think women get offended when the man they fell in love with didn't seem so shallow and loved their body no matter what shape or form it came in only to find the man to be cruel and heartless when she was too busy taking care of the children to be able to get back the body that seemed to define who she was. But I don't see why she would get offended, if he's that much of a jerk then why bother right?

EDIT: A woman usually tries to look good because it feels nice to look good and get compliments (though some just feel that they actually need a man and have to look good to get one).

I also wanted to comment that the women I've seen who "let themselves go" are usually women who are with men who do not keep them happy, if you aren't keeping your woman happy and treating her right, more than likely it's either going to cause her to not care about her appearance anymore or maybe push her to keep looking good but only for the guy she's cheating on you with. So, maybe it's a good sign that your woman gets fat, at least she's faithful, or maybe she's just hoping you'll dump her and then she can lose the weight she purposely gained.

Answer 7

This is another one of your apples-to-oranges comparisons. If you truly love someone (which you have admitted to being basically incapable of), it won't matter what they look like. How they behave is something else.

Answer 8

If people are not going to follow their vows, then why marry at all?

I mean if all I want is s*x, I can look for it other ways. As women are far too easier to get in bed. And they wonder why men don't marry. Why settle for one meal when you can have a buffet?

If I ever marry it will be for more things than just s*x. We all get to be old. While I will leave if she turns into Sauna the Killer Wale, (I have my limits, you know). I don't expect her to be the same person. As we all change.

As for the man becoming lazy. Define lazy. If the man does not work at all (being a job or in the house), And this is not because of a medical condition. I can understand a woman leaving.

But if by lazy you mean that the man does not have a high paying job, then the woman did not love the man. In fact she is a lying irresponsible ***** that did not take her marriage bows  seriously.

Marriage is not supposed to be a game. But people treat it as it. All because is too easy to divorce whenever we like to.  Its sick how irresponsible are people nowadays.

Answer 9

Well I don't think either one is right.  However, I can understand how some people might look at this.  A man who used to be ambitious and is now lazy could have a greater effect on the family/marriage than a woman gaining some weight could (supposing this new laziness forces its way into his career).  He could start becoming lazy in his career and not making the money to support his partner/family anymore.  A woman who has gained some weight could, according to most logic, be the same wife/mother she always was, except with a different body.

However, I do think that people change and if you truly love the person or they truly love you, the change should be acceptable.  If it is not, then I'd say it hasn't been a great relationship and it would have probably ended in a matter of time regardless.  Basically, it's "wrong" to do what you described because a woman gaining weight is a superficial matter, while the man becoming lazy could have to  do with his inner personality traits.

It's up to you to decide if you agree with it being right or wrong.  I personally don't think either one is okay, but it's your question and your opinion.

Answer 10

you sound like a huge jerk

If you look like a model when I meet you.. you should STAY that way

DO you know how childish that sounds

Answer 11

Ok. Unlike apparently EVERYONE else who has "answered”, I refuse to talk to you as if you are an idiot.

What immediately came to mind upon seeing your question was this: dumping someone because of what they are physically (male or female) is wrong. No one is perfect. It's natural to gain weight, it happens sometimes. And it is rarely just weight gain. Many times, there are underlying factors: depression, lack of sleep, sometimes people don't realize that they have gained weight.

However, dumping someone based on how they act (male or female) is entirely different. While we should NOT judge people and our relationships with them, on PHYSICAL traits, it totally acceptable to make the decision that someone's ACTIONS are too much to handle. That goes for men and women.

I would recommend, however, that you use softer language in the future. Weight gain is hard for women. Science has proven that women have a harder time losing weight than men do. After pregnancy is an especially tough time. Women already feel ugly after childbirth; your choice of words is not helpful. There is more pressure on us to be beautiful, give a girl some help.

Personally, I am more concerned about the fact that a woman's weight seems to negate all the good things about her to you. It's as if gaining weight invalidates her in some way. Society and the media already do that to women; please don't add fuel to the fire.

Now, it is perfectly acceptable, provided you're in a stable and good relationship to point out that she's gained and volunteer to work out with her.

But the judgment has to stop.

Answer 12

I think that is a very shallow reason to date and dump a person (remember, it can do both ways--women can dump men for physical reasons too).  It should not be acceptable for either gender.

As for dumping a man for being lazy, it depends on your definition of "lazy."  If I dated him while he was in college and he said he was going to be a lawyer but then decided to be a mechanic instead, that is not lazy.  That's changing job desires.  

If I dated a man who had a steady, decent job and he quits it and depends on ME to pay the bills, buy the food, and pay for the date, THAT'S lazy.  That is VERY different from gaining weight though--if a person does this (depends on the other for survival), it becomes a financial burden. There is no reason in the world that I should have to support another individual unless he was raising my kids or taking care of the house.  

As for gaining weight, everyone does a little as they get older.  It doesn't change THEM, meaning WHO they are.  It may change their physical appearance, but it doesn't change the person.  And if you're only in love with the physical and see the need to dump a person because the physical has changed, then that is shallow.  You should love them for who they are and for all the qualities that make them up as a person.  

I would expect that she would do the same for you.  You wouldn't want her to dump you if you went bald, would you?  Because she started dating you while you had hair and now you don't so, according to your justifications, she is well within her rights to dump you.  Doesn't seem very fair, does it?

Weight and depending on another to provide for you simply because you don't want to work are very different things.  I don't even know how you can compare the two.

Answer 13

"If you look like a model when I meet you.. you should STAY that way. Pregnancy is fine, but after you have the baby, you should lose the weight."

Oh, Mike...there's a big wide world called "life" out there that you have no clue about. Welcome to your freshman year in the School of Reality, Adulthood and Hard Knocks.

Answer 14

I think it depends on the weight gain- and NOT the number, but how it was gained. THAT is how it should be compared to lazy men.

I was a svelte 120 lbs when I met my husband. Since then, I have gained a few pounds- far from "fat", but bigger than I used to be. And that is thanks to a bad knee, retiring from the Navy, post-baby weight, and some depression. My husband understands alot of the wieght gain isn't my fault.

However, if a women gets lazy and just decides to start sitting around on her ***, eating crappy food, and quits going to the gym- kick her *** to the curb. But there are alot of "fat" people out there who actually can't help it. Case and Point- people with thyroid problems can gain massive amounts of weight that is very hard to lose. Would you dump a woman who had medical problems she COULD NOT control?

Laziness is ALWAYS a choice, weight gain isn't!!!!!!

Answer 15

Who said it was okay, either way?  Hopefully, you should marry someone whom you love.  If you truly love that person(not just their body) then it won't matter if they gain weight or become lazy.  Now, on the other hand, if their personality starts to change ie, the become lazy, or mean, or non-communicative, etc. then the love might start to wane.  It would take to mature people to work thru these issues if they really want the marriage to last.  But remember, it takes two willing participants.

Answer 16

well with women they leave men for being lazy people who only watch lakers games and that stuff.men shouldn't leave women because they are gaining pounds, cuz women always to have a good shape so DEAL!!!

Answer 17

i agree

Answer 18

I think that unfortunately, you are not alone in this idea. I am by no means supporting the theory of "well you gained 10 pounds, time to upgrade to Barbie 2.0". But, I see more and more men today concerned with how their women look and not how they make themselves look. If you somehow equate those two issues, then maybe you should do a little soul searching. On the other hand, if you are solely concerned on how this principle is considered in the dating world and not the actual real life relationship world, then by all means, continue to line the pockets of anorexia and bulimia clinics world wide. You seem to be doing a fairly nice job of that already as I am almost certain that you have shared this theory with one or more women you have broken up with. I hope one day you can find someone to share a real kind of love with. A love that will change your life. And your attitude toward women. But if you can't handle that, then stay single.

Answer 19

If you are in a serious relationship which would be the only time you should be that concerned you should love the other person and if they put on enough weight to effect their health you should tell them that you care and help them lose it not leave them for making a few bad choices. SO like other people are saying you need some help with women or with people in general.

Answer 20

This isn't really a gender thing; you're talking about two totally different kinds of flaws. I think the difference, mostly, is that weight is an appearance issue, and a lot of people think that refusing to date someone based on appearance is shallow. Laziness, on the other hand, is a character issue, and character/personality traits are one of the main things that can make or break a serious relationship. Character is seen as one of the "things that matter".

It's also important to realize that no one is going to stay beautiful forever. Not you, not your girlfriend, not even Angelina Jolie. We all get old and ugly eventually. For this reason, it's important to be able to get past flaws in a person's appearance if you're looking for a permanent relationship. If you absolutely NEED to be with someone who looks like a supermodel, then all of your relationships are pretty much doomed to wither and die as soon as the girl you're with starts showing her age. If you're just hopping from fling to fling, then of course it's fine to be shallow, since the relationship isn't going to last anyway.

Answer 21

I guess chicks think it's less shallow to dump a guy for having a thin wallet, than it is for a guy to dump her for having a f****s ?

You know what's funny, ? , so many of these answers say "You'll be single for a long time ", like it's a bad thing.

Answer 22

dude...i'm glad you're going to stay single.

Answer 23

I know exactly what ur talking about, it's a double standard.  come on now, seriously wouldn't you ppl like to have and keep an attraction to ur partner...   i mean how come it's so scary to talk about a woman's weight or looks but its okay to call ur male counter part a fat slob... I guess its the whole sensitivity thing.

Answer 24

love outweighs all of that, so that when you do find "the one", it wont matter anymore, i can understand where you are coming from, but you just need to know that some women have low self esteem and that once they have a man, they can do whatever, but trust me when its time to pull thier weight - they will!

pregnancy does not just add to your weight, it can be lost, but what is really affected is the womens hips, the pelvis can widen. so she may look fat but she has just become wide or big boned esp in that area. the same thing happens to the skin on thier breast (it stretches)

being lazy is not cool, even in a woman. lazyness has nothing to do with self esteem (or maybe it does) but telling someone they are is not as offensive as telling someone they are fat.

and besides if you want to tell someone this, tell them in love!

thats the key, saying things you cant take, to someone else, aint nice. saying it nice wont make them offended!

Answer 25

what's it going to be?  5 lbs?  10 lbs?

I think if you are a loving boyfriend or husband, you would accept her no matter what.  Now if it's 100 lbs?!  I agree. I would leave a man too.  That's just asking for it and that does show no motivation or laziness as you put it.

BUT a lazy man!!!  A man will usually define himself by the jobs he does: carpenter, plumber, doctor, lawyer.  A woman will usually identify herself as relationships to other people: mother, friend, sister, wife.  If a man is sitting on  his butt all day, then he has no identity.  He is lazy.  I wouldn't respect that either.

I'm lucky to have a loving husband that accepts me for who I am, exercises WITH me, and would never let me get obese, nor would I let him get obese.  

I would personally take offfense if my husband let me get that way.  We've been married for 5 years.  we eat healthy anyway and together gained about 10 pounds each.  i did NOT let myself go after we got married.  But three kids later, it's hard to be the size 0, I used to be not to mention my metabolism has slowed down.

Anyway, what about male baldness?  If you keep thinking the way you say, a woman has the right to leave you if you lose your hair.

Answer 26

After you give birth, your body never 100% returns to its prebaby weight and proportions, Unless of coarse your a celebrity who can hire a 5 person team to do all the parenting and manage your weight loss/ body needs

That said, if she is gaining weight because she takes you for granted or is being lazy then yes i would say it is ok to dump her, if she is gaining weight because you want to go to Greasy's shack of Fat every night for dinner and her metabolism can't handle it then no, its not a good reason, nore is it a good reason if its because she is getting older and her metabolism is slowing down

Answer 27

it makes sense i guess

well the babt weight is hard to lose sometimes

but......b/c if u love some 1 weight shouldnt matter

Answer 28

In Truth, your right.

Theres nothing wrong with dumping someone, its your right, but honestly, neither is really ok.

If my wife left me because i was successful when we met and i didn't make enough money for her taste, that would be just as shallow as me leaving my wife because she put on 40 pounds.

Tracey: I REALLY wouldn't talk about reality, coming from you it sounds kinda dumb