Why is it a natural assumption?

Question

Why is is that because my girl is bottle fed formula it is assumed that I don"t cuddle or bond with her? I hold her, she almost is 8 months now, up against me with the bottle angled in an almost breastfeeding position, I never prop the bottle and will often take a 1/2 hour rocking her, singing to her and talking to her while feeding her- it is for me one of the greatest times for us. To be a good mom I needed to be on meds- that's the truth. She got breast milk while in the hospital through a bottle, she was a preemie. When she came home I went on meds and she on formula- her doctor has helped us with this all the way .Why it is a natural assumption that there is no bonding time with formula babies? I am so tired of being subtly accuse of being a bad mother! I thinking breast feeding is the best if an option I think it is great for all the women who do so but if not we still can give our child what they need plus dad has the option for bonding to- my husband loves to cuddle and feed her. Has anyone else noticed this assumption? Does it bother anyone else?

* I am not saying one is better then the other just that I am bothered by this assumption!

Answer 1

Yes, yes and yes. I'm with you on all points here. I breastfed my baby for a short while and then switched to formula for many, many reasons. My husbands admitted that he was very relieved that i had chosen to do so (for the same many reasons) and I have never looked back since then. I also have a 4 year old and it suits us as a family as well. Had I been breastfeeding I wouldn't have been able to give my daughter to my husband to feed at such short notice so I could tend to my crying son who only wanted his mummy. His bond to me is very strong even though I didn't breast feed him either. It is rare on here that I see responses on the lines of "Oh well you should be formula feeding" but I have seen it stating the opposite on several occasions. It does bother me as well and I do take it personally. But life goes on. We know we love our children more than anything and that's all that matters.  

Answer 2

Bonding is exactly what you make of it: it doesn't matter whether the baby is fed by breast or bottle.  I do both and I feel equally close to my little one when feeding her at the breast or with a bottle of expressed breastmilk.  I find it disturbing when I hear mom's who brag about breastfeeding their babies from birth till 2 or 3 years of age, not because I think there's anything wrong with doing that (in fact I plan on continuing to nurse as long as my body and my baby continue to cooperate) but because these mom's say it with such pride as though it can be naturally assumed that they somehow have an automatic bond that others don't.  This attitude is fostered by LaLeche League, who are on a mission to get every baby breastfed, an admirable mission to be sure, but once educated about the benefits, its up to each woman to make her own personal decision.  It sounds like you made the right one for yourself, the decision that allowed your baby to get the important benefits of the natural breastmilk during those crucial first days of life, and then to nourish your baby safely with fornula so that you could take the medication you needed to be a good mom in all the other countless ways that are equally important.  After all, we humans have come up with formula which, at the end of the day is a fair substitute for breastmilk, but we don't have anything that comes close to filling in for a mother's cuddling, teaching, comforting and loving abilities.  Those are the truly important things and you are giving your baby an abundance of them.  Don't let anyone tell you or insinuate differently.  

Answer 3

Who is assuming that?  While it is certainly more POSSIBLE to not cuddle with/bond with a bottlefed baby, nobody (at least nobody with any sense...) will ever claim that bottle feeding moms never cuddle their babies or never bond with them.  

Answer 4

Everyone has an opinion.  I heard the same garbage too...work on coming up with some good retorts.  My daughter couldn't breastfeed - and then they wanted me to take her at 4 weeks to a chiropractor for jaw adjustments - I decided the bottle wasn't so bad.  Phrases like "Who asked for your opinion?"  "Mind you own business" or "Everyone has an opinion and they all smell like sh**" may or may not help shut people up.

Answer 5

I've never heard anyone say or imply that. What I always hear is that formula feeders don't care about the health of their babies and that they are too lazy to breastfeed.  While this IS true in many cases, there are also many mothers like you who would love to breastfeed but it's just not an option for them.  

I think it's so unfair and mean for people to assume bad things about mothers who formula feed.  My daughter is breastfed and I think every mother should make her best effort to breastfeed, but if it's not an option I don't think they should be judged!  And if it is an option and they just don't want to, well it's their baby and their business.

Answer 6

Honestly, I will never understand why moms care what OTHER moms do with their kids.  I guess some bf moms just want to justify to themselves that they are "better" moms for doing it.  In reality, it doesn't matter how we feed our own children.  Bottle-feeding moms can nurture, love, and bond with their babies just as much as bf moms.  I've done both, I bf for 9 months and am now formula feeding.  I don't feel that I am missing any bonding with my son since formula feeding.  And he loves me all the same because I am a wonderful mother to him.  You're a wonderful mom to your daughter.....don't ever let other people make you feel like less of a mom for any of the choices you make.  :)

Answer 7

i have noticed the assumption and i don't like it either. with both of my kids i was only able to breastfeed for about a month and then i had to switch to formula. but i still bond with both of my kids. you don't have to be breastfeeding to bond. some people are just ignorant some times...try not to pay too much attention to what others think.

Answer 8

I am in complete agreement with you.  I was not physically able to breast feed my 1st and I did breast feed my 2nd.  LC made me feel like sh*t when they were supposed to be helping me.  My daughter's Dr. told me that for whatever reason she would not breast feed and that I should stop before I drive myself crazy and do damage to by body. . .I was pumping blood every time.  There is no difference with the bonding I have experience with each of them.  I agree that some people are very narrow minded when it comes to breast feeding being the right and only way.  There are alternatives for a reason. . .as much as people do not want to believe it, not everyone is able to breast feed no matter how much they want to.

Answer 9

Anyone with any sense at all would know that there are lots of different ways to bond so those that think bottle feeding Mom's cannot bond obviously don't have  clue!

Answer 10

others shouldn't care what you do and you shouldn't care what others think.  own your choices.

Answer 11

Ive never heard that assumption. I know that there was a  study done that proves that children that are breast fed are suppose to be smarter then those that arent but who ever did this probably just picked a bunch of naturally dumb kids for the ones that werent breast fed because my sons only 2 and can count to 19 and knows his basic colors and I only breast fed him for the first 3 months and he would only take a bottle after that.  

Answer 12

its good that u r having the bonding time cos some people do just pass the baby over to however for feeding or prop the bottle...but no wat you mean about the assumption..who cares anyway long as u no u n ur husband are having bonding time with ur baby

Answer 13

I hate when *some* BFing moms say they have a "closer/better bond" because they BF.  It's total nonsense.  If you love your baby, you will cuddle and cherish them...how you feed them has NOTHING to do with it.

Answer 14

I have noticed it... and it bothers me too. Just because I couldnt breastfeed doesnt mean I dont have a strong bond with my baby, or that I love him less...

What it really comes down to though, is that this place is a bunch of people online that arent a part of your real life, and if they want to judge you, they are just putting negativity into their own lives. They only way they can put negativity into your life is if you let the. So long as you know your doing what is best for you and your family THAT is what counts!

Answer 15

Don't worry about people's natural assumptions.  They are always going to find fault no matter what you do.  You can never please everyone.  My kids are bigger now, but when they were babies I did a combination of breast feeding and bottle feeding (once they had teeth I switched to all bottles for sure - haha).  Each way of feeding had it's pros and cons.  You are right, you are bonding when you feed you baby either way (except for that propping idea - I never did that).

People are always going to chime in and tell you that there's something better you could be doing for your baby.  I read somewhere that that's their way of showing their love for your baby.  They think that by telling you how to do something better, that they are making the child's life better.  It helps them feel good.  But, us mom's can get defensive because we want so much to be doing the best by our children.  Relax and do the best you can.  It's all anyone can ask.

Answer 16

I've never thought that it was assumed that just because you didn't really breast fed that you didn't have any bonding time with your baby. Everyone is different, and not all women like to breast feed. It's all dependent on how comfortable the mother is. Also, I def. would not be breast feeding if I was on some medications either.

Don't let it bother you, it sounds like your doing everything just fine, don't let what other people say get to you like this, as long as you know you have something special with your baby, that's all that matters!

Answer 17

What?

I am pro-breastfeeding, but I have never assumed that bottle or formula fed babies are loved or cuddled any less than breastfed babies.

I weaned my oldest from the breast at 5 1/2 months, and formula fed him from there on out.  It was a poor decision on my part, and I do regret it, but I have never felt like our bond suffered because of it.  In fact, six years later, our bond is so strong that I can't get him away from me!  He is like a parasite!...and I love every minute of it.

If you go through my list of contacts, you will find a good variety of both Team Boob and Team Bottle.  I love you all, regardless of what you feed your babies, and there ain't a d**n thing you can do about it.

Answer 18

I know how you're feeling and I know what you mean by subtle assumptions. Sometimes they're not so subtle at all.

I think it's easy to sit and judge other people when you consider yourself super mom of the year and are able to do everything 100% by the book. Unfortunately life isn't like that for everyone and wouldn't it be a lot nicer if these women could be bit more supportive? You never know, something might happen to them next time around and they won't be able to breast feed their child. I think they'd like to get a bit of support and not be driven into the ground by smug comments.

Most mothers, who are worthy of being a mother that is, know that breast milk is best for their child and try to give it to them or would want to if possible.

I say in this day and age we should feel lucky that there is such a thing as formula and we can feel that we are still giving our children the best we can.

Not so long ago mother who couldn't breast feed were told to give their babies 1/2 water and 1/2 cows milk. Now that would've worried me, but when I see how happy and excited my baby is to get his bottle and how content he is afterward, I know I am doing the best I can. And I am also sick of constantly feeling that I have to explain why my baby is formula and only on breast milk at night. I'm sick of being made to feel that I have already failed my child while he's only 4 months old.

So believe me when I say you're not alone.