Why is it hard sometimes to believe that someone is gone?

Question

is it because we don't want to? or is it because he/she is still living inside us?

comments appreciated

Answer 1

It's all connected.

I do believe we constantly see clues as to what is on "the other side" and what happens when someone "passes" but interpreting those clues is tougher than measuring air pollution without high dollar equipment. Memories? Spiritual communications? Methinks that separating them be tougher than sorting carbon dioxide from the oxygen. In the final breath, ¿does the difference really matter? Accept the connection and appreciate the mystery.

Answer 2

Both

Answer 3

The Vedic rites have been designed in the belief that the spirits of the dead hang around their loved ones till the 40th day after death. I really can't either accept or reject this belief. However, my personal experience corroborates what you say (I lost my mother 60 days back and am yet prone to feeling she is around right here in my house). For all we know, it may simply be the case of memory hangover, such as the feeling we get on removing our eyes away after gazing at an object for a while, as though the object is still in front of the eyes or, like feeling the taste of a truly wonderful spicy item hours after eating it and having washed it down with a hot cup of tea. Whether it is the spirit hanging over or just the loving memory, it is indeed good, because this brings into being a gradual process of withdrawal that is so much better to go through.

Answer 4

Letting go releasing the memory and spirit of one upon whom we depend, love and are comforted by is difficult, but not impossible. It requires time and an assertion to liberate consciously one who remains in our waking moments, our thoughts and our hearts.

Periods in one’s life of separation, bereavement or loss are deeply painful, and spiritually traumatic. The healing process is socially defined and being surrounded by friends helps.

The wound, the pain the internal searing tortured grief is lessened with time. Holding onto memories of a past or person we care unable to capture or breathe back into life is self effacing,

Some hold onto painful memories of habit or as comfort blankets, pain becomes addictive as healing chemicals released from the brain to diminish pain become addictive to the internal bio system. Understanding this and its influence in prolonged pain, assists in letting go and moving on.

Answer 5

i suppose u mean hard to accept the fact.... its not hard to believe!

Answer 6

I think it depends on how and why they are gone... did they leave? did they die?

My dad past over 10 years ago and I still get a feeling sometimes that it didn't happen... that he is still present. I can even think up the advise he'd give me.

I think it's both... for a while we won't want to and eventually we'll accept and hold on to the belief that they still live inside us. That's as immortal as we can get in a mortal world.

Answer 7

Because he is never gone.

Answer 8

I lost my mother recently and it would suit me to believe that she is still around. However, there is no evidence of that. Of course I remember her every day for the last few weeks, but that is really my attachment to her that brings up her thought every now and then. I am actually convinced she would now be lodged safely in the Heaven........ well, my own conviction means a lot to me, but proves nothing, isn't it?

Answer 9

in my oppinion it is because we have been accustomed to their presence.. having things around all the time, or doing the same thing over and over again, puts a sort of inprint in the human brain to keep doing it, or be used to seeing that person when they come over every weekend or when/whatever

then again, I luckily have never lost someone very close to me so this is all speculation.. though I'm sorry to hear about your loss, whoever it was

Answer 10

I don't know. Maybe because this someone was a part of your life, and the sudden loss leaves a void we don't want to accept. Then also if you aren't there for the death, or funeral, its worse.

Answer 11

Because we were accustomed to their presence, and we thought that there will be no end to the present.  Yes, we also don't want them to be gone depending on their impressions made in our lives. And by those impressions, they live in us by the values and principles that they used to exhibit while they were still with us.

From another angle, it is because of our attachment to someone or something by familiarity and long-time association. This is specially true if we were being benefited by his/her existence. As one song puts it, "For whatever reason there might be. . . . 'cause you're the best thing that ever happened to me."

This attachment to someone or something could sometimes be overcame by religious discipline. Yogis call this the Doctrine of Non-attachment: "Neti, neti" which means "not this, not that." Attachment is the cause of bondage. Freedom is to live in reality. But this could only be realized neither by having thought nor by not having thought about it.

Answer 12

Because they  have a special place in our heart regaurdless of the pain that we know that they are gone.

Answer 13

I think that happens when someone close to you leaves/dies because they were once a part of your everyday life.

I was thinking actually about even when two people were friends or dated for years and were very very close... and then break up and never speak to each other again. In a way, that person dies to you...

Hopefully that the person if they died, is in a better place and has peace. If that person left for some reason, hope that they had a good reason and know in the end, it was better for both of you. And either way, if you have good feelings for the person, that they will always in a way, be with you.  

Answer 14

i believe its a combation of the two. i know i lost my boyfriend of eigth years last year, and i still cant accept that his gone . i think it also has to do with the love and time you had with that person , they just become a part of you.

   hope that helps , i also think in a way thay are inside our hearts and minds always  ,,

Answer 15

it is because we just dont want too, if they are still alive in our memory then they are still alive.

Answer 16

I lost my husband 6 months ago & I still find myself having thoughts like he would like that as a gift, or when grocery shopping still getting his favorite foods. Having him as part of my life for so long my thinking can't just stop it's habit of considering his needs in my daily life. I guess it will come with time, but I don't think I will ever stop missing him.

Answer 17

It's hard to believe that someone so filled with life could no longer....be alive. The finality of death is what takes your breath away & sends you reeling. I mean, you're so used to "better luck next time" or "tomorrow's a brand new day" kind of thinking, and it's so incredibly, immensely hard to believe that there is no next time or tomorrow for that person. The fragility of life, and the ephemeral nature of our existence is just hard to truly grasp no matter how many movies or tv shows or songs or quotes there are about it; you don't get it until death happens to someone you love. And then......you do.

I've lost three people I loved with all my might in the past year, and I still can't believe they are gone. Like just writing this and thinking of them brings that kind of pain you get when you grab a pan on a burner you hadn't realized had been on and you get that unexpected, white-hot, sear. I can still put out my arms and know exactly how much space my grandmother took inside them when I was hugging her.

I don't know what it would be like to lose your child or your sibling

suddenly and have to deal with walking past their room everyday. I imagine you would feel their presence, their molecules left in that space, and that it would be heart wrenching. A girl in the grade below me lost her older sister in a car accident. One day her sister was a college freshman...and the next she was gone. It's so bizarre the way life works.

I absolutely believe your loved ones continue to be a part of you. I'll be struggling with something, and I'll just hear in my mind something she would have told me. I have this thing where I say "I love you, Nana" every time I smell a rose (she loved them) and I always, always hear her say "and I loooooooove you."

Pax vobsiscum (may peace be with you)

Answer 18

I dunno, but what I think is this...

Maybe it's because we had an emotional attachment with them, so when someone dies, the attachment breaks suddenly, but we refuse to accept it because that would mean giving up on a loved one or maybe even forgetting them a bit.

I dunno, Ive been thinking about this for a while...

Answer 19

you catch yourself forgetting the person is gone? and in the split second remember?  Its like visiting and revisiting our grief. I hope I am not the only one who does that.....